Parents telling their kids the truth about Santa at such a young age!

[LouiseQ]

I have two children age nine and five. My nine year old still very much believes in Santa and I don't see what the problem is with this. She is in year 5 so I expect that this year will be her last as we are due to apply for high school next year, but a couple of my friends who have children of a similar age to mine think it's strange that she still believes and have admitted to me that their seven and eight year olds children already know the truth.

Whilst it's of course up to them what they do with their own kids I can't help feel a little sad for them as they are so young, but i also get the impression that they think I'm being a little precious with my dd and a bit stupid for allowing her to believe at this age. Surely though she is still quite young?......and considering she still plays with her dolls (and not i phone 6's like my friends kids) she is still very kid like at heart, if that makes sense. I just don't get why any parent (with kids under high school age) would want to spoil the "magic" and would want their kids to grow up so fast, after all they're only little for a short amount of time.

My mum told be the truth when I was around 6 as I asked her and she had a policy of always telling me the truth. I was absolutely gutted and Christmas was never the same since.

She also told me the truth about where babies came from when I was 5. I remember being absolutely horrified and knowing with certainty that I should keep this knowledge to myself. I didn't even know I had a "middle bottom " until that conversation!

Mil told DH when he was 10 as he was being bullied in the school playground. Unfortunately, it was Christmas Eve when she told him and he sobbed himself to sleep

We've never officially told any of the kids the truth. Of course, the 15 year olds know that it's not real but not from me. I've always said some believe and some don't but most people still get presents anyway from family. I think children do believe much older these days though due to things like "norad" and the Santa personalised videos you can get.

Just tell them, millions still believe in some other imaginary person associated with christmas. Are they going to tell them it's wrong to believe?

The difference is Christians actually believe Jesus was real. No one believes Father Christmas is real but somehow it is incredibly important that children believe the lie. I don't get it at all.

You can still have a wonderful, magical Christmas while freely admitting that Father Christmas is a made up bit of fun.

When my DS stops believing in Santa, I'm also going to get him to think about the concept of 'God' and religion.
I don't want him to routinely accept stuff without questioning it.

I'm atheist and I haven't told my 4yo about Jesus not being real either. She goes to a CoE school and she's all ethusiastic about that baby Jesus. I wonder what christians would say if I tell her Jesus is not real, just like Santa.

I think I'll keep the lie up until she asks.

No one believes Father Christmas is real but somehow it is incredibly important that children believe the lie. I don't get it at all

More people believe Jesus isn't real than do. Somehow it's important that children believe the lie too.

(I'm sure there are more non christians in the world than christians.

I don't think there needs to be a big reveal, or some big line in the sand between belief and non-belief.

I never explicitly told my children Father Christmas was real. I just played along with the make believe. Saying "Ooh, let's put our stockings at the end of our beds and see if there's something in them in the morning" isn't really any different to saying "Ooh, I wonder if we will see a Gruffalo cave in this wood" or "I think that might be Rapunzel's tower over there", or even "teddy says he doesn't want to come shopping, he told me he wants to wait for you on your bed."

I think people big it up into a huge thing, and it really needn't be. Surely most children just gradually come to an understanding of the world. You shouldn't need to tell them FC isn't real, in the same way that you shouldn't need to tell them that their teddy can't actually talk, or that there's no such thing as a Gruffalo.

It's fine to have a bit of crossover between imagination and the real world, and it's fine as an adult to play along. If my child is playing an imaginary game, I don't immediately think "OMG she doesn't understand the difference between real and imaginary, and I must tell her at once so that she doesn't get teased at secondary school!" Or conversely "OMG, my child thinks the ducks are talking when we watch them on the pond and she even thinks she knows what they are saying - DON'T ANYONE TELL HER they are really just quacking!" I just assume she knows really, and is playing and using her imagination. So why is it any different with Father Christmas? Why do people think children somehow believe in FC in a different way?

More people believe Jesus isn't real than do. Somehow it's important that children believe the lie too.

Don't you see the difference headdreamer? Christians telling their kids Jesus is real are telling them because they believe it. No parent telling their kids Santa is real believes it (I hope!).

The average for kids to figure it out is 7 - so a fair few kids will have figured it out younger. And a lot of those older ones will know but not let on, often because they don't want the presents to stop.

So yes, it is unusual for your child to still believe at 9 and theirs a high chance your friends didn't tell their younger kids the truth either, they worked it out themselves.

YANBU the way I see it is that a parent doesn't need the tell their child at any age, they will work it out themselves. I've never heard of a child being bullied for a belief in Santa and if it happened it wouldn't be real bullying maybe a bit of teasing-hardly the end of the world!

As for parents who don't do Santa at all, I will never understand you so I'll leave it there.

Every family should do what they want. It really doesn't matter.

My DC never believed but we still put a carrot out for Santa etc . It was a make believe game just like lots of other games kids play.

We are atheists too but we still have lovely X masses

I will never actively tell DS who is 11yo and in secondary school that Santa doesn't exist. It's his choice to believe. I will not lie to him about it being a magical story though if he asks.

I suspect around your DDs age his friends were discussing the reality because DS asked me a few times. I asked if he believed that there was a man who flew around the world on a sleigh pulled by reindeer delivering presents all through Christmas Eve. Turns out he does

I think it's up to him to believe in it if he wants as much as its up to those who believe in the Mary and Joseph aspect of Christmas.

You don't need to tell them at all kids aren't stupid they understand from quite a young age but its just fun to still pretend. All this telling us really sad

We are atheists too but we still have lovely X masses

We do too

Love the holidays.

My 4 year old doesn't believe in santa, we certainly never told her he wasn't real, and told appropriate santa stories and stuff that's "normal", but her logic and understanding of the world has put him in the same box as vampires, witches, talking animals etc. and therefore just a story.

I can't imagine it's any different with older kids, they know it's part of imaginary play, they're just less likely to question it directly to make you aware, because they know. If they're finally asking an adult, I'm sure what they're really saying to their parents is "You know he's not real right, you're making a bit of a big deal of it and I'm worried about you."

Don't you see the difference headdreamer? Christians telling their kids Jesus is real are telling them because they believe it. No parent telling their kids Santa is real believes it (I hope!).

As an atheist, I have chosen not to tell DD that Jesus isn't real because I'm afraid she might say the wrong thing and offend Christians. There might be others who do that too. Are you a Christian? Do you actively tell your children that Allah or the Buddha isn't real?

This is the same as the OP where her friends think she's cruel for not telling a 9yo that Santa isn't real. It's her own family business, and not anyone else's.

Exactly, Purple.

As an atheist from a Christian background, living in a country which celebrates Christian festivals (even though it is now in a largely cultural, rather than religious, way), my children were exposed both to the Christian Christmas story and the Father Christmas story.

I am not 'telling them that either is real', I am telling them the origin of why we celebrate Christmas at all, and also one of the additional stories associated with Christmas (they also knew the stories of St Nicholas).

Tbh, both Jesus and St Nicholas are historically 'real people', about whom stories have been told, so 'Jesus was a real baby, Christians believe he was the son of God and so writers at the time and since have told stories about his birth', and 'St Nicholas was a Greek bishop who lived many hundreds of years ago is thought to have enjoyed secret gift-giving' are in many ways parallel, and certainly my children have had no difficulty with this 'real + story' phenomenon, because there are many many instances in their experience when this happens in their imaginative play.

We have a 3 year old, and I'm not going to tell him Father Christmas is real, nor make it a big part of our festivities. It will always be a game he is in on, like other imaginative play. I don't think he'll be missing out, because actually the whole holiday is pretty fun and magic anyway.

I'm not claiming to be traumatised by finding out about Santa as a child, and it was a big deal in our house. But that gap when I did not believing any more and feeling I was expected to was anxious and not fun.

I felt ashamed about knowing and growing up, because from what adults say, reinforced through films etc is that good/trusting/imaginative children believe and naughty/joyless/boring ones do not. I reckon I have AS, which might mean I reacted differently to a NT person wrt being anxious about secrets, other people's expectations etc. Considering it now, maybe I assumed they knew I didn't believe, and so for them to continue to lay on the Santa is really real stuff very thickly when I asked them questions was like I had disappointed them. I was relieved once it was all out in the open and enjoyed helping my mum wrap presents for younger siblings.

As a teen I thought that adults misused children's credulity. Though as an adult I can understand that it is from a desire to do something nice and fun rather than through making fun of children.

I'm not good at keeping secrets and I disagree with the way the culture exalts the idea of innocence over experience (I'm a fan of Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials). As adults try to outdo themselves and each other to make a bigger and bigger deal out of the 'magic' - e.g. elf on the shelf, or more movies about how terrible/sad it is not to believe, I think they become too invested in carrying on the game.

"As for parents who don't do Santa at all, I will never understand you so I'll leave it there."

We do 'do' Father Christmas ... but it is quite possible to do so as part of Christmas tradition, without requiring 'belief'.

I was doing an event at my children's school last night and it is interesting to see how it changes as the years go up. I was standing outside Santa's grotto supervising each year group visiting Santa. Reception were almost overwhelmed by his presence as they all seem to completely believe unquestionably, and as the years got older they were saying things like "fake" and "pretend" then of course the year group who's teacher it was dressed up as Santa sniffed it out straight away then Grade 6 were standing there heckling Santa and each other and smelling of mild BO!

My son is 8 and I suspect it will be the last year where I don't have to explain the "truth" to him. It does seem weird to perpetuate this lie but you are kind of between a rock and a hard place because if you never do it, your children may either feel they have missed out on something, ruin it for others or both.

In terms of averages with the group I encountered last night though OP, year 5 is pretty late to genuinely still believe and its not really a case of blaming other parents for telling their child earlier - there are plenty as young as 6 or 7 who have probably been told because there comes a time where your child questions it to the point where it becomes uncomfortable to lie to them any longer, and whichever way you want to dress it up, it is a lie unfortunately!

"whichever way you want to dress it up, it is a lie unfortunately!"

Exactly. I never managed to get round the 'why should I lie to my children, knowing that they were going to find out - and what effect will it have on their trust in me about other things I tell them?' issue.

Your 9yo is doing an Oscar worthy performance for the sake of your 5yo (and possibly for you).

To be honest I think I'd be disappointed if my 9 year old wasn't showing sufficient intellectual curiosity and logical thinking to realise that there are so many massive holes in the Santa story that it couldn't possibly be true.

I have always told my daughter that Father Christmas brings the spirit of Christmas (I think someone up thread also does this). The "spirit of Christmas" is the nice things we do for each other, buying presents that people will like, spreading a bit of Christmas cheer, helping those who are less fortunate than us.

I dislike the idea of telling lies to her, especially about something like Father Christmas, who brings lots of toys and nice things to children whose parents have money to spend on them, and gives fuck all to children who are poor, or in damaged homes, or who live in other countries.

The magic of the Yuletide is nothing to do with a big fat man in red, and I feel very sorry for anyone who needs such props to make this time of year special.

We do 'do' Father Christmas ... but it is quite possible to do so as part of Christmas tradition, without requiring 'belief'.

Sorry no idea what you mean?

Santa/Father Christmas is not a lie as such, it is more like a mystery cult (Mithraism etc.). The mystery is that he doesn't exist. Once a child is initiated into the mystery (is "told the truth" in the terms of this thread), they assist in keeping the mystery secret for younger children. Many world religions used to operate like this but no major religion does today.