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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents telling their kids the truth about Santa at such a young age!

189 replies

LouiseQ · 04/12/2015 07:21

I have two children age nine and five. My nine year old still very much believes in Santa and I don't see what the problem is with this. She is in year 5 so I expect that this year will be her last as we are due to apply for high school next year, but a couple of my friends who have children of a similar age to mine think it's strange that she still believes and have admitted to me that their seven and eight year olds children already know the truth.

Whilst it's of course up to them what they do with their own kids I can't help feel a little sad for them as they are so young, but i also get the impression that they think I'm being a little precious with my dd and a bit stupid for allowing her to believe at this age. Surely though she is still quite young?......and considering she still plays with her dolls (and not i phone 6's like my friends kids) she is still very kid like at heart, if that makes sense. I just don't get why any parent (with kids under high school age) would want to spoil the "magic" and would want their kids to grow up so fast, after all they're only little for a short amount of time.

OP posts:
Kampeki · 04/12/2015 08:08

Actually, have just realised that my dd was 7 when I told her, so she must have started having doubts at five-ish. :(

DancingDuck · 04/12/2015 08:10

I'm with you. let the magic last as long as possible. We got to the point where the DC genuinely thought that DH and I still believed in Santa but they knew he wasn't real (so heaven knows where they thought the presents came from.) It sort of evolved into disbelief around Yr 5 because so many DC with older siblings no longer believed. Only the PFBs (mine included) kept up the belief as late as Yr 5-6.

IrenetheQuaint · 04/12/2015 08:10

I guessed when I was about 7. I was pleased to have worked it out and it made me feel more grown-up, but it had no effect on my experience of Christmas at all - it was the carols and decorating the house and tree and grandparents coming and stockings and dressing up for dinner and staying up late that made Christmas so exciting, not imaginary Santa at all.

harryhausen · 04/12/2015 08:10

My dd is in Y6 and this is the first year she has outright told me she doesn't believe. It was the tooth fairy that did it. She stopped believing in that a while ago and I think the logic just rumbled through.

I told her the 'spirit' of Christmas is magic and St Nick was real etc. She was totally fine with that and it just as excited for Christmas. She has been really good not telling her brother who is 8. Ds asked me in October if I was sure the parents don't give all the presents. I replied "What do you think?" He said "Well I believe believe in Santa" and so he still believes.

I don't force the Santa myth on them at all. If they believe then they do. I'm sure next year my ds may come to a different conclusion.

Lucyccfc · 04/12/2015 08:11

My DS asked me when he was 6 if Santa was real and I managed to string it out for another year, but he made his own mind up in the end. Thank goodness we did Lapland before he stopped believing.

He goes along with it for the younger children and his cousin and would never spoil it for them.

Our Christmas is just as magical and just as much fun.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 04/12/2015 08:13

Arriety you were 13?! Wow.

cantgonofurther · 04/12/2015 08:15

I accidentally told my dd when she was 9. I assumed she would know at that age. She still claims she didn't know.

Mehitabel6 · 04/12/2015 08:15

I expect that if you heard the other side of the story the child would be saying 'yeah - I knew 3 yrs ago but Mum and Dad would be disappointed!'

theycallmemellojello · 04/12/2015 08:16

Most kids just figure it out don't they? I don't think that in most cases they need to be formally told. I guess if I had an 11 year old who obviously still believed I would tell them as I think it'd be mean not to by that stage. But 9 is still ok I think. Although I reckon most 9 year olds don't believe and I'm not really sure how you can be sure that your 9 year old does - put it this way, you're pretending to her, why shouldn't she be pretending to you?

ArriettyMatilda · 04/12/2015 08:17

It was the first time I outright asked. Before that I remember saying things like so and so said Father Christmas isn't real, but more in a how dare they say that kind of way.

surreygoldfish · 04/12/2015 08:18

Mm. DD8 just demanded to know the truth and said 'don't lie'. Really tricky as she wanted to know the truth but REALLY wanted him to be real. She's very sad but we've agreed to keep the magic.

Hihohoho1 · 04/12/2015 08:21

I think to tell kids that if they don't belive santa won't come is ridiculous nonsense to be honest .

Obviously like most parents we started the santa stuff but past the age of 5 they started to question the practicalities of the whole santa crap snd worked our for themselves it wasn't really trueSmile

I used to find parents who agonised about their precious snow flakes finding santa not real via other kids very tiring.

Christmas was magic for my kids because mum and dad were home with them doing fun stuff.

Not about presents or santa. If that's what makes or breaks your Christmas then that's sad.

enderwoman · 04/12/2015 08:22

My y5 son enjoys being in on the secret and playing along with the Santa thing for younger kids.

He's known since he was in y1 because if there was a Santa he'd be bringing loads of stuff to the poor and token stuff to the rich.

ArriettyMatilda · 04/12/2015 08:27

It wasn't that we wouldn't get presents, just Father Christmas wouldn't bring them anymore (he brought all gifts from everyone, but a small sack was from him). That was the magic, that they all suddenly appeared overnight. Of course other parts of Christmas are brilliant but not quite so magical.

dementedpixie · 04/12/2015 08:29

My ds asked awkward questions from the age of 6 and we got the last year out of believing last year when he was 8. Dd never asked questions but has admitted this year that she has known it was is for the last few years. They are age 9 and 12

bearleftmonkeyright · 04/12/2015 08:29

Loved your post Laurie, what beautiful memory.

unlucky83 · 04/12/2015 08:33

I told DD1 the year she started high school - prior to that when she asked I'd said when you stop believing he stops coming (which is true if you think about it) . The reason I kept it up so long was that DD2 is 6 yrs younger and DD1 has ADHD...so could have given the game away for her younger sibling either when angry or without thinking...DD1 was a little sad but now plays along with keeping her sister believing.
DD2 is now 8 and I do think this is the last Christmas she will believe though -she has voiced doubts and asked questions. Part of me will be relieved - it is a lot less hassle...but another part of me will be really sad some of the magic will have gone for her.
I am one of 4 siblings -I can hardly remember believing as my 2yr older sibling used to take me on present hunts -trying to find where they were hidden (I must have been 5 or 6) . But I also have siblings 6 yrs younger and I can remember when they stopped believing. After a few years Christmas was a bit of a let down...it was like we were going through the motions.

Sofiria · 04/12/2015 08:34

Seconding the idea that at 9 it's possible that DC are just playing along for parents.

I worked out that Santa wasn't real at the age of 6. When I voiced my doubts to my parents, I was told that if I didn't believe, I wouldn't get any presents. As I knew that they were the ones supplying the presents, of course I pretended to believe! So convincingly that my mother sat me down aged 11 to explain to me that he wasn't real, as I'd started secondary school and she was worried about teasing. She expected me to be very upset, and was surprised by my 'yes, I've known that all along' response!

firesidechat · 04/12/2015 08:34

I never told mine he was really real in the first place.

We do play along with all the traditions but it's just a bit of fun and make-believe for us.

I find the lengths some people go to to pretend otherwise a weeny bit odd tbh.

I'm with saucyjack on this one.

I assume we are going to have threads like this every single year on mn. They have certainly been around for all the years I've been on here. To be honest I'm a bit sick of posters "feeling sorry" for my now grown up children. They love Christmas with a passion and still think it is magical without a fictional fat man in a suit.

Mistigri · 04/12/2015 08:37

I think a lot of the "hanging onto santa for as long as possible" is for the parents not the kids tbh.

I'm not comfortable about lying to children so the furthest I went to maintain the fantasy was to respond "what do you think?" when asked if he existed.

As it happens my youngest knew the truth from about 7 (she was a credible child, but she was in a mixed age class at school, with children up to 9/10 most of whom obviously knew the truth).

My sceptical youngest was setting "Santa traps" at 4 or 5 (and never believed in the tooth fairy at all - he lost his first tooth at 4.5 and when his older sister asked excitedly if the tooth fairy had left any money, he responded "no it was Mummy" Grin)

Mistigri · 04/12/2015 08:39

Ugh should proofread, my oldest knew the truth from about 7 (I'd add that I think this is fairly average here)

VashtaNerada · 04/12/2015 08:39

I would have been one of those people who thought it was cruel to let children keep believing but here I am with a nearly-eight year old who I'm pretty sure still believes! It feels mean to burst her bubble but I'm not quite sure how long to leave it Confused

HeadDreamer · 04/12/2015 08:41

I don't see how still believing in santa harms anyone. I think your friends are BU.

Just tell them, millions still believe in some other imaginary person associated with christmas. Are they going to tell them it's wrong to believe?

WhattodoSue · 04/12/2015 08:45

When my 5 year old asked for the truth I gave it to her. I asked her what she thought and when she said he wasn't real I didn't contradict her. When children find out the truth they are also often finding out their children have been lying to them. I wouldn't tell my children Santa was real if they asked me that question. My 5 year old took the news and acted as though she didn't know. She loves Christmas and the magic and will not feel disappointed. But that is my parenting choice. We all make different choices, and with Father Christmas that choice is normally dictated by what our parents did. And we all turned out fine - and if we didn't, being told the truth, or not, by our parents probably wasn't the determining factor! The exception being children who grow up thinking Father Christmas is bringing presents to other children but not them.l Sad

WhattodoSue · 04/12/2015 08:46

*parents have been lying, not their children!