To have just stormed out of a meeting with DSs Headmaster?

[WhatTheHellDoIDoNoww]

Feel quite mortified now but I was so angry.

Very uncomfortable meeting with Head of DSs secondary school that I requested as DS (Yr 9) is exhibiting behavioural problems which lead to him being put in isolation continually.

Head tried to make out that he had requested a meeting with me anyway as they wanted to raise concerns they had about him and that his secretary had called me about this which I have no knowledge of.

DS has SEN as low IQ (70) and paediatrician has diagnosed memory issues/possible ADD/PDA. School are not accepting this and taking the behavioural stuff as due to him being just being badly behaved. Behaviour is talking in class/lack of focus/disorganised. They also accuse him of creating social disruption, e.g today apparently he told a black lad that another boy had called him a 'black Ebola' when the boy didn't, DS made it up. School have said that this will be logged as a racist incident. DS said that a lad had pushed in when they were lining up PE, DS told him to get to the back so the boy spat in his face, DS said 'now i've got your disease' so the boy said 'yeah, you got Ebola' then DS said to another boy 'X said you have Ebola'. DS maintains he did not say 'black Ebola'. Silly incident and there are numerous comparable ones that DS gets involved with.

I had to take DS (5) with me as meeting was after school and I had no one to look after him. Secretary got DS to sit outside with some pens (nice of her) but he occasionally walked into the room. Head made a face and said he did not fell it was appropriate for me to have brought him to the meeting (DS would not have understood what was being said). At that point I walked out saying that I was wasting my time.

Prior to this he has asked me about what punishments we use at home - DS is a nightmare at home and I told him so but I felt he was questioning my parenting from his tone as he seemed to think that we thought it was 'OK' for him to misbehave at school.

He asked if DS had been taken to the GP ignoring the fact that he was referred to the Child Development Centre by the GP 4 years ago and school have copies of all the reports from then.

He questioned why DS does not have a statement if he has learning difficulties. DS does not as when I applied for one last year, it was refused due to the school not reviewing his IEP or getting an Educational Psychologist in to see him. I asked the school a month ago to reapply themselves and they said no as they had drawn up a new plan for him and wanted to wait for a few months.

I am beyond furious. Head is insisting that DS having a low IQ is not an excuse for him not 'conforming' to the behaviour standards of the school. This is despite the paediatrician clearly stating that he has social and emotional issues due to this. They are twisting all this around onto me as a parent. I have supported them with the constant detentions and him being on report but I will not support them continuously isolating him.

WIBU?

Lulu FFS, what backstory are you referring to? SLT and Clinical Psych undertook assessments within the school setting observing him so school were very much aware. Copies of the reports with recommendations were forwarded to the school.

Never had any involvement with the Head before. Head become involved when I told the Head of Year that I was concerned that DS was being discriminated against due to his LDs as I kicked up a stink about him continually being put in isolation. I also queried why his IEP had not been updated/upgraded to a plan and why there was no visible support in place.

Never met current SENCO who has been in place for at least a year, the inclusion manager has attended meetings.

I know they are playing a game with me and are hoping that I take him out.

It is an 'outstanding' academy with the highest results table in the area. Head is not been in place long and was put in place when the previous 'Super Head' moved into taking charge of trust that has taken over running various 'failing' schools in the area.

There's a whole load of advice on this thread that is legally wrong, as well as bits that are accurate. Suggest IPSEA for more accurate advice, directly related to your situation.

1. Parent partnership services are LA funded - they will not assist you in effectively challenging LA decision making.

1. Meetings need a purpose - don't tie yourself in knots going to random meetings, it's a waste of your time.

1. Make the EHC Assessment request yourself - you don't need to include any evidence with the request, just make it and worry about evidence gathering afterwards. It's for the LA to gather enough information to answer your request within the six week period they have to consider such requests. Be prepared to have to appeal the LA's refusal. They invariably say no. The test for whether or not an EHC Needs Assessment is required is easy to satisfy - might the child have SEN and might it be necessary for the LA to secure special educational provision by way of an EHCP - see section 36 of the Children and Families Act 2014.

you have a lot of work ahead of you ,op. Alfie has laid it out . Hope you can get help from some of those listed.

What is the school like for children who won't settle into mainstream? Are you happy with it? If you feel it's the right school for your child and he's guaranteed a place there, could you take him out of school for the next few months until the place comes up?

The system has changed since I applied for a statement for my son, but it sounds as though your son should certainly have an EHCP (it would provide him with education, social and care support until he's 25) and it's par for the course that your application has been refused. Don't feel defeated. It would be more surprising if it had been accepted. You just need to gird your loins for the fight and expect a lot of paperwork: keep files of all the letters and keep notes with dates and contents of meetings. Make sure there's a paper trail of all communication.

Practical stuff:

The form you need to appeal is here: scroll down to SEND 1: How to appeal against SEN decision.

Google 'ipsea refusal assess' and it will take you straight to a PDF of their refusal-to-assess pack.

SOS-SEN are very helpful and have a helpline.

Are there any professionals who can provide evidence of your son's needs? The SLT you mentioned earlier, for instance? You need to get all of them on board and include reports or letters from them in your appeal. (Apologies if you've already done this).

I included a photo of my son with my application. I wanted them to see that this was a person, not just a name. I have no idea if it helped, but I don't think it can hurt.

I think your son is being failed by his school, by the way, and both his life and yours will be vastly improved once you get him out of there. I'm really sorry for what you're going though.

I think your son is being failed by his school also. They are supposed to work in partnership with other professionals to meet his needs, and they are clearly ignoring the professional opinion of a highly trained consultant because it would probably require them to spend time and money putting appropriate support in place. So much easier in every way (except for your poor child) to write him off as badly behaved.

I don't know how they live with themselves.

I would be going ahead with a complaint (and to the school board of governors and possibly my MP) but also looking at any options that would be better than this, as it is so harmful to tell a struggling child they're naughty when they're not. What I think they hear you saying at such times is 'you are worthless' which is a very difficult thing to unhear.

You are quite right OP, only communicate in writing now.

Ask for an assessment from an Ed Pysch... in writing. Don't go private, it's letting them off the hook. And you need them to engage in the statement process.

Haven't read whole thread but if his IQ really is 70 he would probably be better off in a special school where the work could be set according to his ability. At DS' old school the SENCo would have been a lot more proactive. Sounds as though this school is failing your DS.
I recommend that you get in touch with IPSEA for up to date advice.
My DS called someone a Pikey, and that was recorded as a racist incident, even though neither he nor I knew at the time what it meant. Schools do have to be hot on racism. Put it down to experience.

It is easier said than done to say someone should be better off in a special school. It is notoriously difficult to get a place at a special school. It really, really is so difficult.
I teach a boy who is deaf, autistic and has learning difficulties as well as severe behaviour problems which are linked to his medical issues and the gap between him and his peers WILL get wider. The HT is beginning to gather opinions about whether we can meet his needs at our primary school (we cannot) and feel that his needs are best served where he is taught basic life skills rather than learning to read and write and do arithmetic because what we offer and teach will serve him no purpose in life at all. He WILL need a lot of care and support and probably end up in sheltered accommodation when he is older. I have a colleague whose son is exactly the same and lives in sheltered accommodation and he didn't have anywhere near as much difficulty as the little boy in my class.

8reasonstohide I think it can depend on where you live.