To have just stormed out of a meeting with DSs Headmaster?

[WhatTheHellDoIDoNoww]

Feel quite mortified now but I was so angry.

Very uncomfortable meeting with Head of DSs secondary school that I requested as DS (Yr 9) is exhibiting behavioural problems which lead to him being put in isolation continually.

Head tried to make out that he had requested a meeting with me anyway as they wanted to raise concerns they had about him and that his secretary had called me about this which I have no knowledge of.

DS has SEN as low IQ (70) and paediatrician has diagnosed memory issues/possible ADD/PDA. School are not accepting this and taking the behavioural stuff as due to him being just being badly behaved. Behaviour is talking in class/lack of focus/disorganised. They also accuse him of creating social disruption, e.g today apparently he told a black lad that another boy had called him a 'black Ebola' when the boy didn't, DS made it up. School have said that this will be logged as a racist incident. DS said that a lad had pushed in when they were lining up PE, DS told him to get to the back so the boy spat in his face, DS said 'now i've got your disease' so the boy said 'yeah, you got Ebola' then DS said to another boy 'X said you have Ebola'. DS maintains he did not say 'black Ebola'. Silly incident and there are numerous comparable ones that DS gets involved with.

I had to take DS (5) with me as meeting was after school and I had no one to look after him. Secretary got DS to sit outside with some pens (nice of her) but he occasionally walked into the room. Head made a face and said he did not fell it was appropriate for me to have brought him to the meeting (DS would not have understood what was being said). At that point I walked out saying that I was wasting my time.

Prior to this he has asked me about what punishments we use at home - DS is a nightmare at home and I told him so but I felt he was questioning my parenting from his tone as he seemed to think that we thought it was 'OK' for him to misbehave at school.

He asked if DS had been taken to the GP ignoring the fact that he was referred to the Child Development Centre by the GP 4 years ago and school have copies of all the reports from then.

He questioned why DS does not have a statement if he has learning difficulties. DS does not as when I applied for one last year, it was refused due to the school not reviewing his IEP or getting an Educational Psychologist in to see him. I asked the school a month ago to reapply themselves and they said no as they had drawn up a new plan for him and wanted to wait for a few months.

I am beyond furious. Head is insisting that DS having a low IQ is not an excuse for him not 'conforming' to the behaviour standards of the school. This is despite the paediatrician clearly stating that he has social and emotional issues due to this. They are twisting all this around onto me as a parent. I have supported them with the constant detentions and him being on report but I will not support them continuously isolating him.

WIBU?

^ what alfie said.

I would add that if school do not wish to accept the advice stated within a professional report then they are required to put their reasons for this in writing.

You need to make an appointment with the senco to discuss how they are supporting him in school and to get the ball rolling on applying for a echp again.

OP can apply for the EHCP herself. I would do that rather than rely on the school who sound shocking.

The school are probably preparing to try and offload your son. You need to get things in writing and get a clued in friend or advocate into meetings with you. They are utterly failing your son but I agree that his behaviour will probably be causing disruption to other children. They are focusing on that disruption and isolating your son for a quiet life. It's not acceptable and they know it.

The school sound crap, they should have started the EHCP process considering he needs educational help, their not updating his IEP is unacceptable so that his EHCP application was not accepted. I would put everthing in writing to the HT and SENCO and request a meeting with them, to discuss the support they are giving to him, and updating his IEP and getting an EHCP started. Your poor ds . School have made this situation happen, if he had the right help and support, your ds would probably not have been in such a situation.

She needs evidence from the school for the EHCP application.

I would also write a detailed and above all dispassionate letter to the HT and the LEA. If you're in a position to do so, you could imply that you expect the next meeting to be more productive or you'll be seeking legal advice.

Whilst the OP can apply for the EHC plan herself this will take time even if the LA agree. My daughter had a statement and it was difficult to get the school to admit they couldn't meet her needs. Had to pay for a private EP to get things moving.

Please contact IPSEA and SENDIAS too, they will help you.

Request school get the Ed Psych in too.

Funding for SEN has changed significantly. You will struggle to get anything additional in place for him which requires additional resources/funding. I can't see why your DS would get a statement based on what you have said. It is almost impossible to get a statement and only students with significant SEN are now considered. From your post your DS has not been diagnosed with anything specific aside from memory issues.

The SENCO should be able to put in place a plan based on your DS current needs but this will rely heavily on subject teachers. The problem of a low IQ can only reasonably be addressed through subject setting and differentiation.
What is his reading and spelling age?

Not ideal to storm out of a meeting but I can see why you did so. The school and HT sound as though they are failing your DS. Can you send an email to the HT this evening? Explain why you had to leave, outline all the main educational points that you have in your OP ie diagnosis from the paediatrician, etc. Then outline what you want to have happen next.

If you requested the meeting, then why did you organise it for a time when you didn't have childcare?

Maybe the OP didn't have childcare! We don't all have family who can drop everything to help!

If you go to a meeting like this the school should be talking about what support they are going to put in place. They are the educationalists and professionals, you are the parent. They should be having the ideas and discussing them with you and asking for support from elsewhere if they feel they are out of their depth. I would request another meeting, saying exactly this and expect them to prepare properly for it and include the SENCO. As others have said, you can also request support from elsewhere, but it is difficult, as with everything, resources are finite. But it should not be you v the school. Why do parents of kids with SN have to fight every step of the way?

MrsJorah
What sort legal advice are you making reference to?

YANBU. It sounds as if the school is letting down your son and judging you.

I would post in SN too because there is such a wealth of experience, support and advice to be had on MN (but not always in this particular section).

No advice, not my area, but it all sounds dire and no wonder you're off your head with frustration. Hope the advice you're getting here from more knowledgeable people will help you embark on a process that will get your DS the support he needs and deserves. ... whichever is your poison...

How awful. You're not getting any support or help or understanding from the school. Your son sounds like a good child. I often tend to be on the side of the school or teacher, as I think some parents reflexively side with their children, wrong or not, but in this case I feel your son needs a support system at school that he is not getting. It also seems the other children are not very nice or understanding either. I feel for you. Is there any of his teachers who are sympathetic and interested in helping you find a solution? If not, is there a way to find a different school? Sometimes issues like these work themselves out but I hope you are able to find some support to help your child, it is so important that he is treated fairly at school.

Supermanspants an IQ of 70 an intellectual disability - not sure from your post if you work in SEN (apologies if I am teaching my grandmother to suck eggs) but only about 2% of people have an IQ of 70 or below - and many of these will be in specialist settings. So differentiation may not be enough, especially if the OP's son has associated behavioural difficulties (ADD etc). Of course there are lots of different ways to get to a figure of 70 so it does depend on the specific disabilities.

This sort of stuff is hard.

Try and be pragmatic and think what you want to happen next.

In your shoes, I'd:

apologise tot he HT, then move on quickly to ask for help to get a statement sorted out.

Get the LEA involved.

The LEA need to know (if) your son is not actually learning enough (disruption, difficulty etc don't count. They only spring into action when a child is not actually being taught/learning.

You will have to fight for a statement, and push push push.

Nobody else cares as much as you. You will eb able to get more help on SN boards.

Get him all the help he can. Have constant follow-ups with his tutor/HT/Senco until this is sorted. It won't be quick and you'll have to push for it.

The plus side to all of this is that if they are trying to get enough evidence to send him to a pru the pru will be much more help than his school sounds. It's pants that they don't want to help him really although it sounds like one of my city's schools that starts with a K.

To add, I think the headmaster was rude and unfeeling. There is nothing wrong with bringing your child to the meeting and having someone sit with him in the hall or even into the meeting if that is the way it worked out. That would have been an opportunity for the headmaster to communicate with him that he supports him and wants to find a way to help.

regarding legal advice, I know a couple who threatened to sue the LEA for failing to provide an adequate learning environment. They took out a loan to proceed with a court case, but fortunately the LEA caved in and suddenly found a place at a "special needs school".

I agree Misti but it seems funding for a wider range if SEN is drying up like a puddle in a desert. I have students who, ten years ago, would have had TA support but are now lucky to have an IEP reviewed twice a year.mit is very frustrating. I know that more and more responsibility is being put on subject teachers to ensure SEN students can access the curriculum with little or no support.

OP am happy to PM you with some suggestions to help. Let me know