To have just stormed out of a meeting with DSs Headmaster?

[WhatTheHellDoIDoNoww]

Feel quite mortified now but I was so angry.

Very uncomfortable meeting with Head of DSs secondary school that I requested as DS (Yr 9) is exhibiting behavioural problems which lead to him being put in isolation continually.

Head tried to make out that he had requested a meeting with me anyway as they wanted to raise concerns they had about him and that his secretary had called me about this which I have no knowledge of.

DS has SEN as low IQ (70) and paediatrician has diagnosed memory issues/possible ADD/PDA. School are not accepting this and taking the behavioural stuff as due to him being just being badly behaved. Behaviour is talking in class/lack of focus/disorganised. They also accuse him of creating social disruption, e.g today apparently he told a black lad that another boy had called him a 'black Ebola' when the boy didn't, DS made it up. School have said that this will be logged as a racist incident. DS said that a lad had pushed in when they were lining up PE, DS told him to get to the back so the boy spat in his face, DS said 'now i've got your disease' so the boy said 'yeah, you got Ebola' then DS said to another boy 'X said you have Ebola'. DS maintains he did not say 'black Ebola'. Silly incident and there are numerous comparable ones that DS gets involved with.

I had to take DS (5) with me as meeting was after school and I had no one to look after him. Secretary got DS to sit outside with some pens (nice of her) but he occasionally walked into the room. Head made a face and said he did not fell it was appropriate for me to have brought him to the meeting (DS would not have understood what was being said). At that point I walked out saying that I was wasting my time.

Prior to this he has asked me about what punishments we use at home - DS is a nightmare at home and I told him so but I felt he was questioning my parenting from his tone as he seemed to think that we thought it was 'OK' for him to misbehave at school.

He asked if DS had been taken to the GP ignoring the fact that he was referred to the Child Development Centre by the GP 4 years ago and school have copies of all the reports from then.

He questioned why DS does not have a statement if he has learning difficulties. DS does not as when I applied for one last year, it was refused due to the school not reviewing his IEP or getting an Educational Psychologist in to see him. I asked the school a month ago to reapply themselves and they said no as they had drawn up a new plan for him and wanted to wait for a few months.

I am beyond furious. Head is insisting that DS having a low IQ is not an excuse for him not 'conforming' to the behaviour standards of the school. This is despite the paediatrician clearly stating that he has social and emotional issues due to this. They are twisting all this around onto me as a parent. I have supported them with the constant detentions and him being on report but I will not support them continuously isolating him.

WIBU?

I'm not saying don't do it - just spend the money wisely, check that the report you are proposing to spend £700 will get you the results you need.

The EHCP will be invaluable at tribunal if the op has to go down that route (if school keep ignoring her ds's needs for example).

If school choose to ignore the report then they are required to put their reasons for doing so in writing - which is just more evidence for the op that they aren't meeting his needs.

It won't be money wasted (although op shouldn't have to be funding the ed psych report - but that's a different issue).

Also, OP please start a thread in the Special needs area. There are many parents who can help guide you through the maze to ensure you can secure help for your DS.

My parents were sneaky and hired the person the LEA used for conducting evaluations. When they tried to contest it saying the person wasn't qualified my parents were extremely clear that they knew this person was engaged by the LEA to conduct assessments for them. I don't know if this still happens but I would ask on the SN thread.

A private eval should be fine, and will be sufficient enough to make schools provide accommodations.

That said, accommodations does not mean exceptions. Your son is still expected to be quiet and non-disruptive in class. Your job is to help the school figure out accommodations so that he can do that. His disruptions could be hurting another kid with an LD, and they need to accommodate that too (not to mention, at 13 any kid knowing they can get away with something is going to milk it, he's not going to do his best to be quiet).

A kid in a wheel chair would not be expected to go up a flight of stairs, but they are expected to still go upstairs via elevator. Same result different path.

Accommodations at work are there for the same reason, if you can't stand you're expected to get a stool at the register. But you're still expected to do your same job.

Talk to the private doctor about what accommodations could help. I have adhd, and for me sitting in front next to the teacher helped. As did photocopied notes and constantly being mentioned by the teacher. "Senpai, why do you think the Huns did this?". Stuff like that.

Good luck! :)

Ask the school which EPs they recommend. We had one who was hopeless - he churned out the same recommendations for everyone he saw - so the information was useless. Another one was a lot better and far more thorough.

Seriously, don't ask the school for a recommendation, they won't have a clue. You'd be better off asking SOS SEN. It would make sense to get an EP who is experienced in doing tribunal work in case you have to go down that route.

Ring SOS SEN now they are brilliant. Also read the SEN code the law has changed last year. Both your school you and your child need the right support not blame.

As an update to this thread, DS's (2nd) EHCP application was declined due to the school not making clear what support he is being given and the fact that his academic ability is slowly improving (still down as F forecasted grades though). Together with their refusal to get an Ed Psych to assess him.

The same reasons were given for the previous refusal to assess him for a statement in Yr 7. School has also ignored my request for a breakdown of what help he is being given. I requested this in early December. School believe that an EHCP is not important for DS as he won't get any extra help anyway.

DS's paed has put him on Ritalin to control his impulsivity and it is having little effect.

The school put DS on a Positive Behaviour Plan after Christmas and he did well for the first few weeks. Now because he 'failed' it last week (got low scores for jumping into the swimming pool in PE when they were told to wait at the side), school are threatening permanent exclusion. He was put into isolation today because of it.

I have already applied for DS to move to a school for kids who can't settle into mainstream, but he can't start until Yr 10. Have until July to try to keep him in the school as I feel a move for 5 months is not a good idea.

Any advice?

Am just at their obstruction. Surely if they doubt he has SN then it is in their interests to get this confirmed?

I would keep ringing the new school to see if any spaces have opened up.

Are you going to appeal? You can do that, there's no cost and it doesn't depend on local area policy.
Please contact your local sendias or ipsea.

Really shocked to read this. I would appeal straight away. If you lodge the appeal now you will have time to send in relevant paperwork later (or so I remember from a couple of years back).

The school are wrong - your DS absolutely needs an EHCP, but they don't want to have to admit that they have failed him... Also, if he got an EHCP the school would be legally obliged to support him. Now, with their threat of permanent exclusion, it sounds like they just want to 'offload' him before that happens.

If they are threatening permanent exclusion, have you got that in writing? I would email the senior inclusion officer at the local authority, and tell him/her what has happened. Flag up every major incident with them. Build up a dialogue with them, to support your appeal. We reapplied and avoided having to go to appeal in the end.

If you applied for the EHCP yourself, I thought the local authority were meant to ask the school for their evidence as part of the process? If this hasn't happened, I would also flag it up with the LA that the school are being obstructive in providing what is needed.

It is utterly unfair to refuse an EHCP based on the school's lack of support!

I found IPSEA and SOS:SEN gave great independent advice.

What I'm hearing is that a child with difficulties containing impulsive behaviour has a mother who by storming out of a meeting has demonstrated.... Difficulties containing impulsive behaviour...

I agree with this.
You need to be pragmatic as the mother and sort out your childs education. From the sounds of things the school really can't cope. Like a pp said, there is other children in the school too. Im disgusted by the racist comment, I can see why the school are recording it as a racist incident, as that is exactly what it is.

Have you made a formal complaint to the school?

School MUST acknowledge and investigate the complaint and it must got to governors. If you believe that they are still failing your son, you can take it up with the LEA.

From the snippets I have read, your child hasn't just been failed by his secondary school but by his primary school too. His problems SHOULD have been identified and measures put in place to help him succeed and meet his potential long before Y9!

Of course I understand this doesn't help you now but I would even go as far to say that you may even have a good case to seek a solicitor's advice.

But on the whole, yes your son has been and is being massively failed by his school.

Is this an Academy or LEA? If it is an Academy, then you have my sympathies. They don't get any funding or support from the LEA and it could be very true why your son is being denied access to an education psychologist because the academy would have to pay for it and I am sorry to say, but a lot of schools will not invest money or time in your son due to his low chances of succeeding in the league tables. Don't be surprised that this is very early steps to make arrangements through evidence to permanently exclude your son! Some people will think this is far fetched but as someone who works in schools, THIS sort of behaviour and thinking does go on.

You do right to fight for your son. This is his entire future they are fucking up!

natking how is OP not being pragmatic?? She is following all the proper avenues but being blocked by the very people who should be helping.

Its sounds very frustrating op. Your ds has been let down by the school. I would make a formal complaint.

8reasons Academines get the same SEN funding as LA schools.
www.iassnetwork.org.uk/media/16447/cdc-funding-briefing-for-parents-final.pdf

Academines?

Academines - a school run in conjunction with the local pit. Parents benefit by the pupils being allowed to keep half of what they produce in the special lessons. Note that those parents whose children take history are expected to help look after the ponies and canaries in the holidays.

Have you tried contacting Coram? I think they give free legal advice for education matters.

Get an appeal against the refusal of assessment in. Contact SOS SEN or go to one of their advice clinics.

Appeal straightaway before the deadline. It will be on the letter they sent you. Send in all the evidence again, and then start collecting further evidencce (ie Ed Pysch report) IPSEA will explain the process.

Everyone gets turned down.

I appealed, and after appealing my year 9 son with ASD now has an EHCP (well he should have one in a week or so) He has no behaviour problems and an average IQ (around 100) for what it is worth.

LA just hopes you will go away.

I also recommend private Ed Pysch report, but make sure you get one where they suggest he needs a different enviroment (ie smaller classes, specialist teachers) otherwise it doesn't really help your case that he needs an EHCP rather than just support in mainstream (which is what they will try and fob you off with)

SALT reports, incidents of misbehaviour, other son doing well in school all these are pieces of evidence.

When you start the appeal process you can compel the school to give the information about what help they have given him. If they don't provide any evidence, that of course will count against the LA at Tribunal, and the LA know that.

I was turned down in my original EHCP request for not providing sufficient evidence that ds was experiencing difficulties, despite his SEN (ASD/Dyslexia) and because there was no evidence that in a year of home schooling ds hadn't made such progress as to render an EHCP unnecessary, you couldn't make it up!!!! It really was nonsense their reasons and it all faded like snow in April under the spotlight of the Appeal process. They conceded about 3 months before Tribunal.

Thanks all (apart from Nat). A lot more to think about. Start on the treadmill again tomorrow!

This is so hard to deal with. I am completely out of my depth.

I don't think we know the half of this.

It is quite unusual for a Headteacher to be the first meeting in a secondary school about behaviour issues. Usually gets to the Head after trying lots of strategies and lots of staff from SENCO through SLT members.

Either school us crap abd iddly run or there is a much bigger back story with this child. I would expect a paediatrician to have contacted school SENCO to gather info before coming to any diagnosis, not done that in isolation.

'school is crap and badly run' not 'us crap abd iddly'