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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I absolutely hate working and believe it to be the worst thing about being an adult. AIBU?

389 replies

IntoTheSunset · 01/12/2015 17:16

I'd like to allay any concerns that anyone might have about my work ethic firstly. No one has ever complained about it in any job I've had. I realise that people have to work. I just find it depressing that I will likely have to continue working into my sixties and beyond. I'm 42 and would gladly retire tomorrow if I could. I also don't like how a person's place in society is defined by their job ahead of anything else. Do any MNers feel similarly?

OP posts:
Obs2015 · 01/12/2015 20:51

I love my job and I only work part time. Perfect.

Fedup83 · 01/12/2015 20:53

Just to say I didn't feel like this as had a job I loved.

But I've 'given up' to pursue it freelance. I had a backup of eBay, working in a pub, whatever.

Supportive partner. We carefully worked out if I (worst case scenario) earned nothing at all his wage would cover mortgage, bills etc. sharpe intake of breath for farming out uterus for cash

BUT I am now responsible for childcare (we were paying a fortune for that).

I know what I need to make each month to make the shortfall.

And if things keep going as they are I will exceed it.

I wanted to spend more time with DC. That was my reason really - I'd also achieved what I could in my role.

HOWEVER now I've left I realise I actually hated the office politics. Being on bended knee really all the time and answering to someone. I am in the happiest place I've ever been. I was sick the other day and rather than the dreaded 'I'm not very well' call awkwardness was free to do as I chose.

There's always another way.

AnyFucker · 01/12/2015 20:53

OP's sons have a free choice of who/how they marry. Both of the pair should have a conversation about how they see the partnership working if/when children come along.

Unless you really think there are an army of lying sperm stealers out there just waiting to entrap our precious sons ? (I have a son, btw)

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/12/2015 20:54

You are trying to sound modern Garlick but to me your posts sound archaic. Women should still clearly be directed into what they should be doing, not what they want to do Confused

Fedup83 · 01/12/2015 20:55

If you didn't fancy having back up of DH wage (if you have DH wage) or need to make a certain amount to contribute you could start the business in your spare time.

ZoeTurtle · 01/12/2015 20:56

Whenever I think about this - that I will work 44ish weeks of every year until I retire or, more likely, die - I feel like I'm suffocating. It's a physical reaction. So I don't think about it. Grin

I like my job and I don't wake up each day dreading work, I just hate the thought that it's like being in a treadmill. Always moving just to keep in the same spot.

Garlick · 01/12/2015 21:00

I'm not going to answer more replies to my post, because the question of how businesses are structured and what we mean by work is a hobby horse of mine. I've posted reams about it here, discussed it at length in various relevant places, and it's not what this thread's about.

It would be nice if more people thought outside the boxes sometimes.

AnyFucker · 01/12/2015 21:01

it is a bit of a derail, tbh, and heading towards that ole MN fave.... WOHM/SAHM

TreesInSpace · 01/12/2015 21:02

I was on benefits for several years as a lone parent whilst I brought my children up to school age.

The laziness, lack of discipline or structure to the day, feeling that days then weeks were merging into eachother, then months, feeling invisible, no focus, ambition, anxiety at how I'd fit into the workplace again and finances.

The only thing I hate about working now is having to get up early Grin but I figure I have to get up for the kids for school anyway so it's a pointless hate really.

I'm only in a minimum wage job and part time too, but the sense of usefulness and purpose I get from it is important to me. I was depressed being unemployed, and felt worthless.

Yet at school drop off, I still see 90% of the Mums (rarely any Dads there) in normal day clothes, and I'm convinced they don't go to work. Are they all being kept by their child's father? How else do they fund it?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/12/2015 21:02

No of course you won't answer any more posts Garlick. That's not a total surprise tbh.

M48294Y · 01/12/2015 21:03

It is an extremely foolish able bodied person who relies entirely on their partner for their income and their support. I really do worry about some of the passive sahps on this site. Work might be a right royal pita but if people didn't work we'd have no public services, let alone money for our own personal living costs. It's unrealistic to expect not to work so, while we do have to, I'd always argue for trying to make the most of it.

I'm a bit take it or leave it about work. It doesn't infuriate me or make me sad. It is what it is. Dh loves his job and will probably never give it up.

StealingSleep · 01/12/2015 21:03

I didn't expect or hope to make my living from having children. I felt under a great deal of pressure to find a 'career' before having children. I was very much of the 'independent woman' mindset. I flailed around for years to find that career before DH and I made the decision together to just go for dc. While I was pregnant with dc1 DH got a new job which meant I didn't have to go back to work and his career has gone from strength to strength in a way that wouldn't have been possible if I was working. Meanwhile I have had the break I needed to really figure out what I enjoy doing and what I'm good at. I'm retraining and will go back to work, but my SAHM time has been invaluable to the whole family, including both mine and DH's careers.

BonnieF · 01/12/2015 21:03

I absolutely hate working full time, but there is no realistic alternative. We need a roof over our heads, clothes to wear and food to eat. It really is that simple.

I work in an office, Monday-Friday, 9 to 5-30. It isn't particularly stressful, it pays reasonably well and my colleagues are nice people, but the sheer repetitive, mundane, Groundhog Day tedium makes me feel like I'm wasting my life.

At least many mums have some degree of choice about whether to wort f/t, p/t or be a Sahm. Very few dads do.

WoodHeaven · 01/12/2015 21:05

I would hate not working tbh. I would get depressed.

But then I also have been VERY careful chosing my current career and I love what I do. It's more like a hobby that brings money rather than a job in the sense that the OP describes it.

The issue imo is not chosing the job you do according to what suits you/what you like. If you do something you hate 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. That is soul destroying.

Fedup83 · 01/12/2015 21:05

Anyfucker What is WOHM?

I have been full time work, part time work, work at home, mat leave mum.

All for decent amounts.

I don't know why I said that.

Fedup83 · 01/12/2015 21:05

With DCs obv.

MultishirkingAgain · 01/12/2015 21:08

unpopularly maintained that SAHMs hurt feminism

I'm not sure about that, Garlick but I would say that long-term SAHM is bad for women's mental health. I've seen the long term effect on older women in my family, of not working for their own money, not having independence, the panic if their husband "strays" the compromises they'll make to stay. It's awful.

I don't think young women today realise how much they have, what opportunities they have, and just what they can do.

Fedup83 · 01/12/2015 21:08

Also agree with the point about dads not having the choice. I feel lucky. Although that's not always the case. Lots of female friends are main bread winner and it's them without the choice.

StealthPolarBear · 01/12/2015 21:08

I too love my job and am lucky to have a job i can love
As a pp said my hobbies are less interesting / stimulating.

imwithspud · 01/12/2015 21:09

I agree with you OP. I'm a sahm currently but every job I've had in the past I've hated, but the jobs I've had have all been minimum wage menial type jobs (think checkout assistant, fast food server, cleaner etc) which have been repetitive and relentless. I do want to go back to work in a couple of years as I enjoy the social aspect (most of the time), but I'm hoping to go back into education to retrain so I can do something I actually want to do and will hopefully mean I can get some enjoyment out of my work, would that be a possibility for you op?

There have been times in the past where I've thought "is this it? We get one life and we have to spend it working to live it, seems like such a waste". I still feel like that now to an extent but I've come to accept that it's just something we have to do and if I'm going to do it, it may as well be doing something I enjoy or find rewarding. Although not everyone is fortunate enough to be in that position, I hope I am able to.

StealthPolarBear · 01/12/2015 21:12

Trees I probably look like I'm wearing my home clothes to work most of the time.
It's simple to me, I have stuff I love doing and stuff I hate. I love work. Love reading ti the dc. Days out with dc. Meals with the dc. Reading a book in peace. I hate stacking the dishwasher. Getting kids up in the morning. Hoovering. Gardneing. My current life has an ok balance. I would hate to garden more!

WoodHeaven · 01/12/2015 21:12

And I agree with Garlick. There is no reason at all why women should be able to opt for not working wo a second thought about why they can do so.

And they can only do so because men are working and are considered the main bread winner.

And that is only possible in a patriarcal society.

Real equality would mean that wopmen wouldn't have the 'choice' to be SAHM thanks to their DH working. They would have to decide between them and their DH who is staying at home, they would have the full reponsibility to earn an income, just like men. And men would have the full resposnibility of childcare and HW, just like women do.

Not the aim of the thread BUT there is something about dreaming of not having to work that women can afford to do whereas men would never do that because it's just not an option for them.

Fedup83 · 01/12/2015 21:12

Also - I did panic when leaving work to go freelance.

What if you no longer love DH (at some distant point in the future if it didn't work?).

And - this is why further ed is so important (not always but generally). It allowed me to get a foot in the door of the profession I love. I can't imagine doing something I hated. That WOULD be awful.

NewLife4Me · 01/12/2015 21:12

Garlic

You have made your choice along with your dh/dp?
Well others have made their choice with their dp/dh/dw etc.
This has nothing at all to do with feminism, except the golden word CHOICE.

I feel sorry for people who have to work and don't want to.
I feel sorry for those who want to work but can't.
I feel sorry for those who don't have choice, and reserve my sympathy for those.

I am in a privileged position as you say. Perhaps I am, but certainly not the minority you seem to think.
There are lots of sahp's who aren't rolling in it, but have made sacrifices because it's what they want to do.

MeadowHay · 01/12/2015 21:13

I am amused by some of the comments along the lines of "poor men can't choose to stay at home" boo hoo. How many men do you know that would prefer to be a SAHD????

I totally agree that it is unreasonable on the face of it to expect as a woman that you will not be forced into the workplace and that your partner will financially provide, but this is ignoring all the factors surrounding the way women and men have been socialised. Far more women want to be a SAHP than men do. I hope that over time we can get to a position where childcare and homecare are more evenly split between the two different genders but until that time, it is awful to be blaming this situation on women who have chosen in agreement with their partners to be a SAHM. I bet 99.99999% of their partners would never have dreamed of giving up paid employment to stay at home and do the child and homecare! So in that case, is it really a choice for the woman? It's not as simplistic as some posters crying about men's unfortunate position are making out.