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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I absolutely hate working and believe it to be the worst thing about being an adult. AIBU?

389 replies

IntoTheSunset · 01/12/2015 17:16

I'd like to allay any concerns that anyone might have about my work ethic firstly. No one has ever complained about it in any job I've had. I realise that people have to work. I just find it depressing that I will likely have to continue working into my sixties and beyond. I'm 42 and would gladly retire tomorrow if I could. I also don't like how a person's place in society is defined by their job ahead of anything else. Do any MNers feel similarly?

OP posts:
DurhamDurham · 01/12/2015 21:14

I enjoy my job, I work in the Voluntary Sector, I can positively impact upon people's lives. I have a good team around me and get to take flexi as and when I need it.

But I'm not going to lie, if I had a choice I'd rather not do it. If we could manage on one salary I'd leave tomorrow. I do get depressed at the thought of working for the next 20+ years, I'm 45 now. When my girls were little I honestly thought that by the age of 45 I would either not be working at all or it would be on a very part time basis.

StealthPolarBear · 01/12/2015 21:16

" it? We get one life and we have to spend it working to live it, seems like such a waste". "

But a good proportion of the population has to work else there wold be no food, clothes, services. Getting clean water from a tap requires people to work. So work is a fundamental part of life imo.

DrDreReturns · 01/12/2015 21:17

I see DeoGratis managed to mention that she is highly paid - again!
I'm ambivalent about my job. My biggest gripe is that I'd like to spend less time there - ideally three days a week instead of five. I'd happily reduce my salary by three fifths to do this. However due to other financial pressures and the nature of the industry I work in this is not realistic at the moment, so I'm stuck doing full time for at least another decade. I know I should be grateful to be in work, but ideally I don't want to spend so much time there.

Mermaid36 · 01/12/2015 21:17

If I didn't work in my office job, I would work for myself. I already run a hobby business that I'd like to build further...

In terms of making my uterus pay out...DH and I have been together for 17 years and I have only just become pregnant. I have worked full time since leaving university and without our combined salaries would not be living in the nice house, in the nice area that we wanted. My husband is more than willing to become the sole breadwinner whilst I give up my career and other hobbies to have his child....

MultishirkingAgain · 01/12/2015 21:19

It is an extremely foolish able bodied person who relies entirely on their partner for their income and their support. I really do worry about some of the passive sahps on this site. Work might be a right royal pita but if people didn't work we'd have no public services, let alone money for our own personal living costs. It's unrealistic to expect not to work so, while we do have to

This

SolidGoldBrass · 01/12/2015 21:22

People who insist that undertaking some form of paid employment is morally superior to finding a way to live without being an employee are idiots.
Many, many waged jobs are not 'giving something back to society' at all. They are either pointless or actively harmful to other people. Many jobs could be done in about half the time an employee spends 'at work' if not less, but there's this whole business of having to be present in a workplace, sitting there looking obedient and eager, even if there are no tasks for you to complete.

Yes, there are also jobs which are either enjoyable in their own right (being paid to do something that you like doing anyway, whether that's grooming pets, dancing, telling stories or inventing gadgets) or give considerable satisfaction due to the fact that you are improving other people's lives (healthcare, teaching), but one of the biggest flaws in the present world is this insistence that the lower orders be compelled to obey and enrich their betters for the larger part of their waking lives when it isn't actually necessary that many of these tasks are performed.

ihategeorgeosborne · 01/12/2015 21:22

I have just recently gone back to work after 10 years as a SAHM. I am part-time and the job fits in with school hours. I am close to home and close to school, so it is great in that respect. It has taken some getting used to being back in the work place, but on the whole, the people I work with are nice and I am largely on my own in any case, which suits me fine. I plan my own workload, depending on what needs doing and have quite a broad spectrum of activities. I do enjoy having the extra money to spend, but I am only part-time, and know I wouldn't want to do it full-time, even though I do work more hours than I am paid for, but that is another issue!

mrsjanedoe · 01/12/2015 21:24

WoodHeaven

I can't figure out why a thread about people wishing to retire early has turn into a debate against SAHM (do you know how many men I know intended to retire at 35 or 40? More or less successfully)

But trying to impose "equality" on things that are unequal is silly. There are a multiple of reasons why parental leave is more taken by mothers, and why the majority of stay at home parents are female.

The majority of mothers are also not interested in seeing their kids only at the weekend. They want to be more involved. Why should they be blamed!

I absolutely hate working and believe it to be the worst thing about being an adult. AIBU?
BonnieF · 01/12/2015 21:24

Meadow,

I'm not 'blaming women' for anything.

I'm simply pointing out that a relatively large proportion of women have some degree of choice regarding how much of their lives they spend at work, but, in practice, very few men have the same choices.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 01/12/2015 21:25

I loathe my job. I detest being spoken to like a piece of shit (and once having something thrown hard at me) by teenagers who hate my guts simply because I won't give them frigging Mars Bars to do what they need to do. I can't meet my targets because so many simply won't think for themselves and I will not do the work for them. Next year I'll have to do it all again for lower pay as I won't be able to pass my performance management. Oh wait - no I won't. I'm going to quit.

imwithspud · 01/12/2015 21:26

But a good proportion of the population has to work else there wold be no food, clothes, services. Getting clean water from a tap requires people to work. So work is a fundamental part of life imo.

Obviously, hence why I mentioned after this statement that I've come to accept that work is something that we have to do. It sucks, especially if you hate your job. But sometimes life is like that.

NapoleonsNose · 01/12/2015 21:26

I don't hate my job but I don't love it either. I like the people I work with and we have a laugh and on the whole our boss is alright. However, I can think of loads of things I'd rather be doing than be sat in an office all day. I was at my happiest when I was working p/t and doing a degree as a mature student. If I could study as a job that would be perfect!

freerangeeggs · 01/12/2015 21:27

I used to think this but then I got a great job and now I even look forward to it sometimes.

The worst thing is getting up in the mornings though!! If I could start at about 11, my life would be awesome.

DixieDarling · 01/12/2015 21:29

From my limited personal experience, I don't agree - I know quite a few people who don't work - some because they can't, or haven't been able to find a job and some because they are fortunate or privileged and don't need to. They are all unhappy, mostly directionless and overwhelmingly unfulfilled. That doesn't include people who have retired, but even among them I know very few who are loving their retirement and never look back. I know one SAHM who genuinely loves it. The rest are generally a bit frustrated, some downright depressed.

Of course some of the people I know who work are also unhappy and hate their jobs, but it's a much wider sample. However I don't think most of them would be happier if they didn't work, I just think they would be happier in a different job.

I am v fortunate to enjoy my job - it provides inspiration, purpose, identity and fulfilment (just on a selfish level) and I don't feel embarrassed about that.

StealthPolarBear · 01/12/2015 21:30

Ok I suppose I'm just struggling to understand the more to life idea. Work is just something you do. It's part of life. Might be good, might be bad but if you were self sufficient and grew your own vegetables thay would be your work.
Other than some pampered chihuahuas :o work of some sort (not necessarily paid work) is just a part of life to me. Else what is the point of a holiday.

Bodicea · 01/12/2015 21:35

I like my job, I did a lot of studying, training etc. to get to where I am now. But it was starting to feel a bit like drudgery every day working full time. It's the treadmill thing I hate. Hauling yourself out of bed when your body wants to stay asleep, Going to work in the dark, driving in traffic etc, etc.
I am lucky enough to be able to work part time since having my son and am much happier now. I have a better balance. I look forward to my job days as it works my brain and I feel like I am contributing to the household. I also appreciate my non- job days, less of the treadmill stuff, doing fun things with my son, having the time to make nice meals and get the house straight etc. I intend to stay part time forever if I can afford to.

M48294Y · 01/12/2015 21:41

I don't think people are generally suggesting that waged employees are morally superior are they though SGB?

Having a job that you love and being a wage slave are two very different things.

People can earn the money they live on in any way they see fit, as long as it is legal, imo.

NewLife4Me · 01/12/2015 21:45

Stealth

I agree with you, but unfortunately if it isn't paid work (on here anyway) then it can't be considered as work.
How often do we hear that sahp isn't working but in fact a luxury.

Bumdance · 01/12/2015 21:45

SolidGoldBrass you're right, completely right. Lots of jobs are pointless social constructs.

There's also nothing morally superior about being bankrolled by someone else, be that partner or state, just because someone doesn't want to work.

M48294Y · 01/12/2015 21:50

So if you have no job or partner with a job who is willing to share money, where does your income come from? If you are 100% self sufficient or live in a co-op - good for you.

Otherwise its all a bit unrealistic, surely?

Marilynsbigsister · 01/12/2015 21:51

I love love love my job but if I had a choice I would chuck it in tomorrow and buy and narrow boat so Dh and I could sail into the sunset... The 8 kids would have to hunt us down...

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 01/12/2015 21:53

I love my job. Rewarding, varied, interesting and fun.

I work term time only though, so the next break is never far away, which helps enormously.

juneau · 01/12/2015 21:54

I know several SAHDs actually, but my DH would HATE it and be horrible at it, to boot.

As for being a SAHM being anti-feminist, surely being a feminist is believing that women can do anything they want and that they should be able to choose, but if they choose to work then they should be paid the same as a man doing the same job? We should all have these choices and no one should judge us for them. That's equality. Both parents being able to juggle their work and family commitments in the way that best suits them, taking into account their individual talents and abilities and their tolerance for different kinds of work.

And as for SAHP not 'working', I also take issue with that. I don't get paid for what I do, but if I had a job outside the home I'd need to employ people to do what I do here and I'd have to pay them. So why is it 'work' when they do it, but not when I do? What I do has a huge monetary value to my family because without me doing it the outsourcing of all that 'work' would cost a lot of money. What's the FT salary of a gardener/nanny/housekeeper/cook/cleaner/professional de-clutterer? That's what I'm worth.

Norest · 01/12/2015 21:56

I don't agree that being an employee is morally superior to finding a way to exist not being an employee. Trouble is, most of the people I know who do that are not really self-employed..that is they are not earning anything more than pocket money from occaisonal 'work', whilst benefits pick up the rest and they shout about how independent they are and how they are not a 'mug' for being in the 'rat race'.

I don't see anything morally suoerior in that attitude either.

I love my job most days. Some days it sucks. But I don't think work is a bad thing at all.

NewLife4Me · 01/12/2015 21:59

Bumdance

I can't say me or dh have ever thought that I was bankrolled by him, I'll suggest it and see his face.

I don't think either sahp or wohp is more superior, it's a matter of what you need to do for the best balance in your life. What makes you most happy.

If you have the choice you are fortunate whether you are a 2 parent working family or one parent working in the family.
If you are happy as well then that's success.

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