To ask how many of you would rather not do 'token' presents for relatives?

[Bearbehind]

I'm a bit preoccupied with Christmas shopping at the moment and have seen several threads on here and had a couple of conversations IRL where people are stressing about finding a 'token' gift for relatives.

In some instances, there's about 8 - 10 people to buy for which adds up, even for a small gift. It's very difficult to buy something worth having for even £10.

Personally I think this means you end up buying about £80- £100 of not so great stuff and receiving the same in return.

I know it can be a difficult conversation but if the Christmas Fairy could magic away that awkward bit, how many of you would prefer to stop buying for adult relatives altogether rather than continuing the token gift route or just do a 1 gift a Secret Santa?

I know they are cliches, but I love books, socks and bubble bath (as long as they are nice quality and my style – about £10 worth is perfect). (No I'm not talking about a black 5 pack of socks - but one nice pair from white stuff or similar) But when I used to exchange presents with my mum and other family members they simply would not accept that I would prefer a small, quality present I would actually use and enjoy. It had to be far more money and multiple presents and I just did not want them. It was a huge power play and all about control and forcing me to be beholden to them.

When you find the courage to say "but I really don't want this level of present giving, it is making me stressed and miserable" and you are shouted down, you know it's not about kindness and generosity!

I find it very stressful. It's not really about the money, it's the complexity of having to buy so many presents for family and friends. I've tried saying to as many as possible "let's not bother" but not everyone is keen, or they insist on "token" presents which as other people have noticed isn't always simple.

I've got the "must buy presents" list down to about 30 but can't get it below that without offending people. Sigh. All the adults have more than enough of everything and the kids have plenty too.

I give gifts to anyone I will be spending Christmas day with. So this year, in terms of adults, that will be two parents, DB and SIL, and one uncle.

We are a close family though and enjoy spoiling each other. They're always gifts personal to the recipient, too - not generic gift sets or chocolates.

Having said that, I do like receiving 'token' gifts myself. I love a toiletry set or chocolates or a bottle of booze. I know I'm in the minority here though!

I once gave oxfam goats as presents (alongside other things, not even on their own) because I was so fed up of trying to think of more THINGS to give people who didn't need anything. Some of them were really offended that it wasn't a "proper" present! I was gobsmacked. I'd be thrilled with an oxfam goat because it would mean I wouldn't have to find somewhere to put the fucker.

There is just too much tat already in the world to go overboard with Christmas presents. The only people getting anything from all this are the shops and big companies that sell this stuff. Bottom line is we really don't need any of it.

Christmas is about children so that's who I am buying for. Other than that I would rather spend time with family and friends having nice food and wine and being a lot less stressed and broke.

Haven't done adult Christmas presents in our family for many years. Its so relaxing! Only have to worry about shopping for the kids, and can focus on food and fun times.

I like giving Christmas presents. It's a chance to give a little thought to what someone might really like. Why give token presents, rather than something they would actually enjoy? And that can be cheap. Eg a dvd box set, which can easily cost less than £10, for a family or a couple, or a great film. But one that you're sure they haven't got and would really enjoy. Or a one-off piece of vintage jewellery from Ebay - cheap, but it took you ages to find and win the right one. Or a book you loved reading yourself.
Ebay and Amazon make shopping for presents very easy, fun and cheap. No real excuse not to?
It means a lot to people to feel that someone has really thought about them, and tried to give them something they will enjoy.
Not giving a present has the opposite effect. You can't even be bothered to make a small effort and spend a small amount of money once a year!!

I'm a bit torn here. I totally hear what you're all saying about tat, waste, unwanted pressure and so on. I 100% agree.

My personal bugbear (and I know how appallingly ungrateful this sounds) is people from beyond our immediate family buying us gifts. Last year, my sister's in-laws, my cousin and one of my close friends all unexpectedly bought presents for my DC, turning their present haul from a manageable pile of items that they either needed or genuinely wanted to a much larger pile containing things they had no interest in.

I genuinely don't understand why my friend thinks she needs to buy my children gifts. If we qualify as gift recipients for her, then her gift list must be absolutely enormous. I honestly wish that she wouldn't - not least because I now have to remember to buy presents for her two DDs - but mostly because buying all those gifts must be such a huge drag on her time and money.

Having said all that, I do like buying gifts for my close family. For me, apart from DH and the DCs, that's two parents, one sister, one brother, one brother-in-law and one nephew - so a very manageable list. I tend to ask for things I could afford to buy for myself but probably wouldn't - DH and I ask the siblings for joint presents and are hoping for some posh teatowels and a new lasagne dish this year. Although we do end up just swapping items of similar value around between us, it's still a nice way to be able to show our appreciation.

So I don't know. It suits us and we're all happy. I think that the generic socks and chocs route would be the way I'd go if I was being forced to buy gifts for people I didn't particularly care about though.

I kind of wish my family was close enough for this to be an issue!

queenbean Kris Kringle is another name for Father christmas/Santa Claus. I think the poster meant a secret santa.
I've always like buying presents for all the family but this year I stood in a shop and just thought " What the hell am I doing?" It suddenly struck me as odd to be trying to think of a gift idea for someone i've bought for sooo many times i've no ideas left. That person will have to do the same for me. i know it's the spirit etc but i think i'd rather everyone donated it to charity. I'd rather just buy for my children and husband.

I would dearly love to stop this annual ritual.
One of DH's brothers and his wife suggested that we stop one year and instead donate what we would have spent to a charity. Problem was the other brother didn't approve of the choice of charity and his DW said she loved choosing presents for everyone so we carried on as before.

We have given vouchers for DNieces and DNephews since they became teenagers. Problem is that now the 2 oldest have left Uni and got good jobs so a voucher for £15 seems pointless. Others are still at Uni/school so would probably welcome the voucher to spend and 2 are Adults with Special Needs so will never 'earn' more than state benefits so I would like to continue buying for them as they only have the minimum to live on after Social Care have taken their cut. On that basis it seems unfair not to buy for the older 2.

We also buy for DBILs and SILs and as we only see them once or twice a year it is difficult to know what to get. Elderly parents are difficult to buy for too especially as their eye sight fails so you can't even get them a book.

I hate Christmas - Bah Humbug

I kind of wish my family was close enough for me to know their taste in DVD box sets, or even if they watch them at all or are all about streaming now, what they have and havent seen or what sort of vintage jewellry they might like off ebay, or what books they have and haven't read.

I agree with whoever said that electronic books and streaming have killed the CD/Book/DVD type presents. You can't really buy a kindle book for film download as a gift can you? Despite being quite behind the times in the digital entertainment field, we are mostly electronic for books/films etc in our house so the physical versions fall into the clutter category. I wouldn't want to keep either after I had watched or read them but I would feel bad about getting rid of it because it was a gift.

Why give token presents, rather than something they would actually enjoy? And that can be cheap. Eg a dvd box set, which can easily cost less than £10, for a family or a couple, or a great film.

Sorry DVD = tat.

I don't want DVDs to clutter up the house. A couple of years ago, I sold all my DVDs and CDs and it was liberating. DH can't be parted with his old CDs so they went into the roof space. Why do you need DVD/blurays when you have netflix + amazon prime? I actually have both and have more than enough tv box sets and movies to watch. If I actually fancy a new film, amazon can also sell me one at a click of the button. No faffing around looking for the dvd box.

You can't really buy a kindle book for film download as a gift can you?

In the US you can buy it as a gift, but not here. I've looked into it. I'm going to buy one for DH and load it on his kindle on xmas eve. (We have linked our accounts as an amazon family). But you can't do that for friends and families.

With 6 of us, each with partners and 3+ children each, we stopped buying gifts a long time ago.

We each buy for our own dh & children, and we all send something to mum. Nice and simple.

DHs family consists of him and his mum so no problems there either.

When I walk into a shop piled high with Christmas tat gift sets and novelty gift things it just makes me want to weep. Miniature whiskey sets, novelty mugs, singing socks - who actually buys this stuff?

Give me a nice bottle of wine any day

See I'm one of those who quite likes DVD boxsets but I also hate them cluttering up the place! I got rid of all the DVD boxes of my fave dvds and put them in wallets to free up space. I'd only get 50p for them if I sold them.

The best book gift I got was from a friend. In the front he had fixed in a piece of paper with a facebook page link with his name at the top. The Idea was to read it then write something about it on the page and in the front of the book put your name and location/county/country then pass the book on to another person who would do the same then see how far the book would travel. This was 2+ years ago and 'my' book is currently in France having taken a brief trip up to Scotland! about 25 people have read it so far.

I buy for kids only so siblings children and my best friends kids and if you have more than two children they get one box of heroes or somthing for the all of them and that's it

I don't buy adults bar husband

We do a secret santa for adults. Each adult draws up a list of about 5 things each costing about £50. You buy 1 thing from that list for 1 person. You MUST buy from the list. No deviation.

No tat-£40 is enough to get a decent gift. No awful smellies, boots 3 for 2 , cheap chocolates etc

Cheaper than spending a token £10 on tat for 10 adults (maybe a few more ) and everyone gets something that they actually want.

If you want cheap tat then you can use the £50 saved to buy as much crap as you want. No recycling of old tat that someone gave you and you didn't want

I just give to my parents, sister and sister's boyfriend, plus my dad's wife. DH usually buys his sister and BIL wine and gives each of their children £50 in cash.

DH's mum was one of six, and the remaining aunts and uncles, plus cousins and their children, have a gathering every Christmas. They used to exchange gifts - the pile was almost floor to ceiling and it mostly seemed to be wine and smellies swapping. Fortunately, someone saw sense and it changed to gifts for children only and this year they've gone one better - Secret Santa so each child will only get one gift.

My SIL usually buys me token birthday presents; this year she got me a recipe book she'd already given me a few years ago.

My family still watch dvds and listen to cds and read books. We are very old-fashioned. So that's a big source of presents. The children love audio-books.

There's always food. I love a bit of luxury food - don't most people? One time I received a surprise hamper filled with lovely things I wouldn't generally buy for myself - it lasted a while, and was much appreciated. You can pick the items from a long list, so that it suits the recipient.

Or a beautiful scented from bulb flower - can't go far wrong with that. These are quality, life- enhancing things, not tat.

Socks are the way forward!

The only pair of socks that I owns are cashmere for flying!Socks would be a straight in the recycling bin TAT gift here.

Just shows that we all have different views!

There's always food. I love a bit of luxury food - don't most people?

Depends what you mean by luxury food. Generally no. If I want an item of food I would just buy it. Biscuits for example are not a gift, they are a household item as are tea,coffee etc

By luxury food I mean something a bit special that I wouldn't ordinarily buy for myself. Eg truffles, luxury savoury crackers, a really nice bit of cheese, an unusual jam, an extra nice bar of chocolate that I'd usually consider too expensive to buy for myself.

We dont do token gifts for any adults but do have a lot of adults to buy for,
My dad and his partner (we get from them)
My mum(get from her),
gran and great aunt(they give us some cash as a family despite telling them not to for last few years),
dmil dpil (they get us),
dsil and her partner(no kids and buys mine loads),
grandad,
brother and his partner(only one kid and i have three, then he buys me and DH a bottle of drink each)

It's just too much, it's not even the money, its the time consuming, trying to think of and find something they will love. As a rule I don't give body/bath sets as think they are a bit shit and a cop out, except the likes of soap and glory for dsil's which they both love.