To ask how many of you would rather not do 'token' presents for relatives?

[Bearbehind]

I'm a bit preoccupied with Christmas shopping at the moment and have seen several threads on here and had a couple of conversations IRL where people are stressing about finding a 'token' gift for relatives.

In some instances, there's about 8 - 10 people to buy for which adds up, even for a small gift. It's very difficult to buy something worth having for even £10.

Personally I think this means you end up buying about £80- £100 of not so great stuff and receiving the same in return.

I know it can be a difficult conversation but if the Christmas Fairy could magic away that awkward bit, how many of you would prefer to stop buying for adult relatives altogether rather than continuing the token gift route or just do a 1 gift a Secret Santa?

I've stopped buying presents except for those I really want to give gifts to.

I'm from a big family (8 of us) add in partners and 2-3 kids each on my carer's allowance and tiny self employment income I just cannot afford it. I have been honest and said so. To buy xmas presents for all of those people is taking money out of our budget for heating and clothing etc

I've been told to save up all year but I honestly can't spare the cash. at £5-£10 per gift that's £160-£320 ish every year on gifts for other people before I've even bought presents for DC. None of them are happy I've taken myself out of it. There is an expectation there to buy gifts but when your income is low and the rest of your relatives have the luxury of being able to work extra hours and have 2 people working in the household it just doesn't seem at all fair to do the tat swap I could put that money towards some new waterproof boots and dubbin to see me though winter

There have been the snarky 'you're not buying us presents so we wont buy you a present' comments which I think is really fucking rude but I don't expect gifts in return anyway.

So yeah, I don't do it. I'd rather buy (or make gifts in my case!) for people I care about than for the wider family who get really pissed off I can't afford it or They hate home made gifts.

Also - toiletry gift sets give me rage. Nothing says 'I really didn't know what to get you so here, have this 'cos you probably stink anyway'

I hate toiletry sets too - I feel almost insulted to receive them - thankfully that's not very often. I can't think of anything I want for Christmas, I need nothing. Isn't it lovely though when you think of something that someone needs and hasn't even thought they could have....I bought my dad some diabetic socks - he has swollen feet and they are extra wide - he wasn't aware of their existence and he is so happy and his feet and legs feel so much better - that's a good feeling but it happens so rarely.

Thanks for posting that Betty and well done to standing up to grabby relatives.

It illustrates exactly why all this present buying is utterly ridiculous. People are feeling obliged to buy things that they genuinely cannot afford, or are getting into debt, or are having to take money out of other far more important budgets.

What sort of person gets snarky with someone for being honest about what they can and cannot afford .

I hope you can find it in your budget to buy yourself a small treat or two at Christmas .

I fucking loath secret Santa, I've never taken part in one and recieved anything half decent. Possibly the worst was the one where the person who was supposed to buy something for me just didn't bother her arse.

For me Christmas is for giving. I'd rather agree a small token amount and get something little for everyone. It seems more appropriate that emailing lists of huge amounts round for a secret Santa. It gets silly:
Think about it: Each person has to think of something they'd like of say, £30. They give that exact idea to the person who is to buy for them, who then has to go and source it and wrap it up. They know exactly what they're getting, so it's no surprise.
Then they receive the exact present to get for the other person. They go and get it and wrap up and give another non-surprise present.

They might as well just agree that they'll buy themselves a gift each.

I'd much rather agree a small amount £5 or something and swap gifts.

I also see dm's siblings. They live all over the country and don't often meet since their parents died.
Birthday and Christmas presents are their biggest link with each other. They send a present and phone to thank on birthdays, and all meet up just before or just after Christmas to exchange presents.
Yes, they could keep in touch anyway, but it just gives them that push to make sure they do.

BarbaraofSeville I do have money set aside its my b'day in December too so I buy my own treats then. Yay to boots points saved up all year!

I buy xmas food from around sept, the stuff that usually keeps like preserved cherries, chocolate, baking ingredients etc make my own xmasy spiced jam and chutney and sloe gin! I spread the cost out and refuse to get into debt.

Only my family get snarky! I guess they 'think' I am doing OK because on the outside we look like we are fine. Its a bit misleading I guess because people expect you to look poor when you say you are broke. I'm not sure how you are meant to look poor though I just look after my stuff too so I have nice clothes I probably paid under £5 for.

anyway! going off topic here

My brother and i are miserable fuckers never bother with each other and havent since we were teenagers. DH and his siblings on the other hand bought for eachother up until last year. They would all buy eachother a dvd and dh would get one from his brother and sister that THEY wanted,usually some horror movie which dh has no interest in (and neither do i). Now they all have kids it's been agreed no more dvds,just get for the kids.

It's a complete waste of time, effort and money. You end up with loads of cheap chocolate and biscuits that you don't want or some dreadful scarf or something that takes up room then gets chucked.

Token presents are the scourge of xmas.

Ban them!

I'm not Christian but do Christmas every year with a large group of strays friends.

I love getting presents, and can afford the £5 x 10/15 people so tend to buy happily - chocs, biscuits, a good book I think someone would like. I think we all try not to give tat.

I don't think I'd do it (or be expected to do it) if the purchases would cause a financial strain. The example above (Betty?) sounds terribly small-minded on the part of the family withdrawing their own gifts.

I'd welcome token presents. Still do a proper present (20-30 pounds) for DB,DS,DSIL,DBIL,DM,DF and all my nieces and nephews. It's a fortune. I'd rather spend £100 total on token gifts and get token gifts back than spend nigh on £300 before I even get started on DH and DS!

I hate it! Mainly because gifts between people who don't really know or like each other are pointless, usually unwanted and embarrassing. I have cut it right down, beyond immediate family we now only buy for my sister and her partner, MIL, and anyone we are seeing on the day itself.

I have a mainly really difficult extended family though, who I have tried to extricate myself from as far as possible. I can imagine if you actually all get on and meet up at christmas and actually know and care about what each other like, it could be great.

it was easy in the days with CDs, books, DVDs
but now with netflix, spotify, kindles - small easy presents are too hard to find!

I would LOVE to stop buying for dh's sis and husband as they always ask for cash or vouchers and I feel like we are just passing a meaningless £20 around (like someone else said). I suggested we stop but that was frowned upon :-/

Oh god yes...there is enough tat in the world without adding to it...

I think it's a total waste of world resources to buy and give tat. But MIL is totally into it. DH and I put all her presents in a charity bin straight away. She just refuses to not give, and we also have to gift her.

My parents aren't into this tat giving. Thank goodness.

I agree with pp that a price limit doesn't mean the present is tat. There are plenty of great books out there that can be bought for under £10, for instance. And music. And socks.

There are plenty of great books out there that can be bought for under £10, for instance. And music. And socks.

That's exactly my definition of tat. I only read on my ipad, DH on kindle. Reading a physical book is a pain as you need the light on. And actually keep a bookmark.

Music. Sorry, I listen to everything on spotify.

Really. Socks? A set of 5 black socks from asda tyvm?

I'm just so damn glad my family is tiny, there's nobody to buy token gifts for since my brother decided to slice himself out of our lives. I couldn't live with the hassle. Hats off to people who manage it with a smile, I'm too grumpy for that:o

We buy token gifts for parents/grandparents and it is hard finding nice things that's not boring gift sets.
We buy for children too but it easier to find token gifts for children like books, puzzles etc.

I hate it and wish I was rude enough to just say 'let's not bother'

It is not like it used to be and there were presents relatives actually wanted cos they could not afford them. I would not mind if they knew what they wanted.

I cannot stand pissing around buying pointless shit they do not want and getting the same in return. It is a total waste of my time and money and my relatives.

The relatives I have a relationship with and actually see I do not have an issue with but I cannot be arsed with the ones I hardly ever see but still feel I have to buy them a fucking present

One day Rodney I might say can we not bother.

I have a huge family.

We all buy for our own children/parents/partners/siblings obviously.

But, other than that we have a huge secret santa for everyone from 2 months old to 88 years old and everyone gets one present worth £30ish.

I think it works really well.

I'd be spending an extra £370 on 'token' £10 presents otherwise. no way I can afford to do that.

I don't do it. Mum, husband, brother, two family friends (elderly, believe VERY much in cards and gifts) and two colleagues. All the aunts/uncles/cousins/whatevers, no way. I'd be bankrupt.

I totally agree. It gets so over the top and everyone ends up with a houseful of stuff that they don't want or need.

We're not even doing our nieces and nephew's (we have 13 between us)

It's liberating.

Will take both sets of parents a little gift bag [prosecco, posh chocs and biscuits] as we're visiting both on the day.

We'll make sure we're well stocked with goodies for any visitors we have over festive period, and we'll do gifts for DC but that's it.