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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

stalked by school!

385 replies

Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 22:10

Last Friday DD was off sick. I start work at 9.30 so got her up and dressed and dropped her round at my parents.When I got to work there was an email on my work email address (which I have NOT given out to them as a contact address), an emaul on my personal email, messages on my mobile and home number and DH's mobile! All before 9.15 wanting to enquire as to DDs whereabouts!! Now DD gets a lift to school every day with another child from the same village (we are 4 miles away from school) so pretty obvious that she hasn't befallen an accident on the way.Infact the secretary would have asked the other child if DD was coming
I am thinking of complaining to the school, as I think it was pretty rude to try to contact me by so many different means especially my work email wanting to know her 'whereabouts'.WTF !!

OP posts:
Original poster
Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 23:38

I am just wanting to debate the whole area really. Are the school doing it for safeguarding purposes? reallY? or just because they are officious? Why do the Brownie pack nott have to ring parents? Why are they less likely to be abducted/injured on the way to Brownies than school?
This is what makes me think schools are being disingenuous and just enjoy making parents ju7mp through hoops

OP posts:
Letseatgrandma · 29/11/2015 23:38

So if you run a sports club or Brownie pack, do you set alarm bells off if a child doesn't turn up? Do you think they might have fallen into a ditch or run off to meet a boyfriend?

Do you really not see the difference between an optional evening hobby and the legal requirement to be in school?

I call bullshit.

Pigeonpost · 29/11/2015 23:40

X-post with your last post. Yes, of course they are just doing it to be officious. Obviously. They sit around plotting ways to piss off poor unsuspecting parents just by being officious. Biscuit

LemonRedwood · 29/11/2015 23:41

wanting to debate the whole area really

I think you were hoping everyone would join you in slagging off your daughter's school and now that most people are disagreeing with you, you are doing some back-pedalling

Original poster
Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 23:41

No.I don't see why a child is less at risk travelling to one than the other.Why are sports clubs not required to be notified when a child doesn't attend so that they can instigate procedures when a child isn't there as expected?

OP posts:
Original poster
Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 23:43

No LemonRedhead I really am interested in debating whether the whole safeguarding in schools thing has gone too far

OP posts:
ButterflyUpSoHigh · 29/11/2015 23:43

Op: AIBU?
Everyone: YABU
Op: No I am not

GruntledOne · 29/11/2015 23:44

Of course a school goes to all the trouble to send five messages before 9.15, one of the busiest times of the school day, just for the fun of being officious. They don't give a damn for the safety of the pupils. Naturally.

GruntledOne · 29/11/2015 23:45

But how is taking early steps to alert a parent to the fact that their child may have gone missing going too far on safeguarding?

Original poster
Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 23:45

OK so maybe I was U.But lets move on from that.Why do sports clubs etc not have the same procudure, if it is necessary in schools?

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 29/11/2015 23:47

Why do sports clubs etc not have the same procudure, if it is necessary in schools?

Because there is a legal requirement to be at school.

Why are you struggling with this?

LemonRedwood · 29/11/2015 23:47

Safeguarding has gone too far?? Because you couldn't be bothered to make a 20 second phone call?

And just what level do you think safeguarding should be dialled back to?

GruntledOne · 29/11/2015 23:48

You'd have to ask the sports clubs. I suspect that if a parent specifically told the club that the child was travelling on their own and they would be grateful to be informed if the child didn't turn up, they might well do it. With people like Brownies, they are run by volunteers and it is reasonable for them to put the onus on parents.

pieceofpurplesky · 29/11/2015 23:50

Education is compulsory and had many rules and regulations to be adhered to. If they don't send texts etc re absence OFSTED fail them. Brownies etc are not compulsory and have no inspections. In both cases most parents make contact to advise their child won't be there. It's common courtesy

Canyouforgiveher · 29/11/2015 23:50

Yes I have contacted them on work email, it doesn't mean I want to hear from them on it.

Seriously how "up my own ass" can you get?

Does the OP seriously think the school actually look at her email address, think about whether it is work or not, care which email address it is?

The person with the tedious task of tracking down kids whose parents forget/couldn't be arsed letting the school know they are absent, wearily types your name into the email address line (knowing you just haven't had the courtesy to tell the school she is ill and also knowing that if anything else had happened you'd be the first to complaint) and abracadabra, all the email addresses you have ever emailed them on come up. And they pick one or all without another thought- because you are not the centre of their universe.

Oh and if I sent my dd off to school and she didn't show up (the situation the school were actually worrying about), the email address I would hope they would use was my work one -because that is usually where I would be during school hours so if something had gone wrong, it would be the best way to alert me.

JessicasRabbit · 29/11/2015 23:51

During the school day, most parents assume that their DC are in school unless told otherwise. Many children do go to school by themselves, so there is an automatic system in place in case something has happened to the child en route to school. I don't understand why this is hard to understand / a problem.

The brownies thing is simply a matter of logistics I think. It us run by volunteers and they don't have the IT to have such systems in place. I don't really see that as a reason to stop using the perfectly reasonable system most school use.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 29/11/2015 23:51

I think Naughttothree that they know this is something that some children would never do.

Well I wouldn't have believed it of my nephew neither would my sister, he'd never done it before or since, it wasn't even the nastiest thing anyone had said to him. In fact the older kid was actually trying to help, but my nephew just decided he didn't want to be at school that day he knew the way home knew I wouldn't have left for work.

So no I'm afraid your some children would never do it. Unless you have a crystal ball which as fortune telling isn't actually real I oresune you don't you can't say that!

Children don't tend to walk to brownies on there own. you chose when to attend brownies or not. For all the leaders know you may well just be on holiday.

Yes the schools are doing it for safeguarding reasons and have legal responsibility to fulfil it.

Elmersnewfriend · 29/11/2015 23:52

I also suspect that if there was a tragic case where a child was abused or murdered because brownies / swimming club / karate club hadn't let a parent know that they hadn't turned up, then the "norm" would change there too.

Original poster
Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 23:52

I am not hearing a reasonable answer yet.

'Being a legal requirement' isn't an answer because it could be made a legal requirement for other settings.

Being compulsory has no bearing on tghe likelihood of something happening either.

OP posts:
TheSecondViola · 29/11/2015 23:53

Bonkers. My kids school has never called me when my children aren't in. Why would they? If they aren't in school, its not really anyones business but mine.

ButterflyUpSoHigh · 29/11/2015 23:54

If my child is not attending brownies, gymnastics etc I always let them know by text.

FreyaB84 · 29/11/2015 23:54

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/4179248.stm

This case happened not that far away from me. The boy was not that much older than your daughter, OP. He failed to turn up for school and nobody realised he was missing until his grandfather arrived to collect him at the end of the day. He was found dead 3 days later. If I were in your position I'd be grateful that the school contacted me.

Original poster
Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 23:55

Does the OP seriously think the school actually look at her email address, think about whether it is work or not, care which email address it is?

well they sent it to both to be fair!!Of course they would know it was work.It is xxxx.co.uk where XXX is a household-name brand.

I expect them to contact me on the email I have supplied to them

OP posts:
UnGoogleable · 29/11/2015 23:56

I see what you're getting at OP - you're saying that a child is just as likely to go missing on the way to Brownies as on the way to school, so why don't the club leaders have the same procedures?

I think, as Jessica said, it's down to logistics. The Brownie club doesn't have a secretary to do stuff while the leaders get on with leading the club. They might not have access to a computer during the club session. And as it's a voluntary thing, they know that it's quite common for kids not to turn up. That's not to say something bad couldn't befall them on the way there, but it's just less of an alarm bell if they dont turn up.

DancingDinosaur · 29/11/2015 23:56

So does that mean they are less likely to befall an accident/be abducted on the way there?

Its not that though is it. Unless your child is home schooled and not in the education system, then there is a legal requirement for them to be there. And if they don't turn up, with no message from mum / dad then they need to follow it up. Look, my husband died suddenly this year. This stuff happens. luckily I was around, not heading off to work with dh in charge of our children. Imagine how that would be for the children. If it happened to you? You'd think everything was ok, but its not. The school is alerting you to the fact that your dc is not at school. Good on them. I don't see why you have such an issue. You might not believe this shit will happen to you, but sometimes bad things happen. Be grateful your childs school is on the ball with this stuff.