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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I love Christmas and I make a fuss of my kids so Aibu to tell people who are clearly envious to sod the hell off?

277 replies

KathGeorge1 · 29/11/2015 16:01

Hi I have four children age 10,8,6 and 4 and Christmas is my absolute favourite time of year as it is for a lot of people. They are the most loveliest, happy, appreciative children you could imagine and whilst they aren't overly spoilt in terms of gifts they do get to enjoy other things associated with the festive period.

I'm currently I sahm (du works full time) I worked when my oldest three were little but when I had our youngest I decided to take a couple of years out until she was ready for school (next year) so I have the time to plan things over Christmas that maybe I wouldn't have had time to plan or do if I were working full time. To say I've come across a lot of negativity from some friends/family/aquaintenaces is kind of an understatement. I'm not one of those pushy, over enthused, obsessive parents who like to rub things what I'm doing in other peoples faces but if people ask what I'm doing and what I'm doing over Christmas then I'll happily tell them, but I wish I hadn't bothered now.

Over the next few weeks we have quite a lot on ie trip to see Santa (of course lol) a day out at a reindeer farm, breakfast with Santa at our local garden centre, day out at an indoor Christmas theme park. And as a lot of parents I've done the usual portable North Pole messages, ordered personalised Christmas letters and Christmas plates and I've spent time doing arts and crafts and making a lot of handmade Christmas gifts for family.

Now this sort of thing I love as do my kids and we really enjoy getting stuck in over Christmas but clearly some people have a problem with the effort I make. I told two grandma what I had planned and what I'd been up to and they sort of sighed saying that I'm Mary poppins, one friend then went onto Facebook the same evening and put at stays along the lines of she doesn't understand why Christmas is such a competition for some parents and why the hell they feel the need to take their kids on loads of trips she doesn't know!

I don't usually put anything on Facebook really and only tag in probably once a year when we are on our annual holiday but I decided the other day to put a status on saying how excited I was for Christmas and that we had lots of activities planned and I couldn't wait for the kids to break up from school. Well all I got was oh you must be crazy wishing the kids to break up, and you don't have to keep the kids entertained 24/7 Kath I'm sure they're capable of doing stuff on their own!

I was kind of shocked at first but when I thought about it, these sort of comments didn't surprise me as they were mainly off the same group of people (who are not necessarily friends just people I know) who do absolutely bugger all with their own kids and who would rather go out of a weekend spending all their money and then are too hungover and skint the next day to bother doing anything. And whilst what they chose to do with their own lives is their decision it's also up to me what I do myself, and i don't expect to have digs at me just because I enjoy spending time time with my kids and family. So would I be unreasonable to just ignore the ones on Facebook and to tell my so called real friends to keep their bloody opinions to themselves?

OP posts:
KathGeorge1 · 29/11/2015 16:45

Because she mentioned in her pspt a lot of what I had planned with my own children, and it was on the same day, so I assume it was about me.

OP posts:
KathGeorge1 · 29/11/2015 16:47

I've had sarcastic comments from people in person and then had this woman go on Facebook and post on the snake day.

OP posts:
KathGeorge1 · 29/11/2015 16:47

same

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 29/11/2015 16:48

Either there's something about hearing what other people are doing for Christmas that whips people up into a frenzy or some of the posters on this thread are also on OP's fb friends list.

I'd much rather read a status from someone who's 'a tad over enthusiastic' about what they're up to than rants about how their DC is a retard/moron (on mine yesterday).

Also better than what they've got for dinner, I love my DW/DH/DC, end of the world is nigh, minions bollocks, what 70s song/murderer/alien are you quiz results etc etc etc.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 29/11/2015 16:50

You're right, Facebook is for sharing. A lot of people don't find a person's calendar interesting. It's irritating and not what a lot of us want to see.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 29/11/2015 16:50

This a lot of dripfeeding and changing of story - so apparently you were cross that people were 'making negative comments' about your Xmas plans, now it's this woman apparently making passive aggressive digs at you?

The one who apparently posted about you - no it's not ok to be so PA, however that is usually a reaction to someone who's been overly-bragging on FB and such, which seems more and more likely to me you were doing.

KathGeorge1 · 29/11/2015 16:51

It's hardly a full calendar though, ids what's I'm getting up to over a grand total of three weeks! The rest of the year I hardly put anything on.

OP posts:
MrsMolesworth · 29/11/2015 16:52

OP I have a friend who, like you, goes overboard at Christmas. She starts posting her excitement on FB in September. She gets teased a bit but her enthusiasm gradually catches on. Don't worry about it. You post what you like on FB and people who enjoy reading will follow and those who don't are daft if they post negative comments: they can just unfollow that thread if OTT Christmases annoy them.

KathGeorge1 · 29/11/2015 16:54

Oh for goodness sake I'm not bragging and can't understand why anyone would see I this way. This week I've had people on my Facebook tag themselves in at fancy spa hotels, one in South Africa, one in New York, and quite a few at fancy Christmas markets in Europe. I personally don't see them to be bragging, it's just what they're doing and where they are.

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 29/11/2015 16:54

OP, I'm just explaining why some people find it annoying. It's not up for debate, it's the opinion some have.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 29/11/2015 16:54

OP it's probably not the activities but posting on Facebook that's the problem. If the activities genuinely are just because you and the family enjoy them, then why not just do it without posting a notice on the Internet?

That just suggests the key reason for doing whatever activity is to show off in some way.

I agree the activities are not expensive or overly lavish in any other way (they sound great fun and I wish my son was still young enough to want to do all that type of stuff!) so it must just be people wondering why you need to post the details on the Internet.

MissClarke86 · 29/11/2015 16:58

I don't see discussing your excitement on Facebook as bragging at all.

Facebook is by its very nature a 'selfish' media - the whole point of it is to tell people what you are thinking and feeling, hence status updates. It seems daft to accuse this lady of"boasting". Have none of you ever used Facebook to express excitement, happiness, sadness, or discuss events you are looking forward to?

Quite frankly her Christmas sounds absolutely lovely, and if she was my mum I would love it. Christmas is different for everybody, but for me getting out and about to festive events and doing crafts etc is EXACTLY what I would love to be able to do when I have children. Ignore those that are bitter about it.

stuffthenonsense · 29/11/2015 16:58

I would love to read your status! I'm another Christmas fan and get so much joy out of doing loads and loads of fun stuff with my children, I think I would be delighted to share ideas with you. And why the heck not post it on Facebook, it's up to you what you want to post if others don't like it then they can just keep scrolling as most of us do when reading posts that don't interest us. If it's offensive they can report it, if they're just bah humbug then it's your problem. Share the joy I say.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 29/11/2015 16:59

What you choose to do with your dc's at Christmas is your business and anybody who pisses on your chips should be ignored.

However I'm not one of those pushy, over enthused, obsessive parents who like to rub things what I'm doing in other peoples faces but if people ask what I'm doing and what I'm doing over Christmas then I'll happily tell them Grin [santa].

SiegeofEnnis · 29/11/2015 17:00

Look, OP, if you're getting hostile comments from friends who seem like generally nice enough people AND a bunch of total strangers on an internet forum are pointing out that your tone is incredibly smug and judgemental (they all spend their weekends socialising and hungover, while you, primly 'enjoy spending time with my family'), don't you think you might take on board the possibility that it might be you, rather than the fact that you're surrounded by Grinches?

I'm not on FB, but this kind of managerial planning of Christmas and listing it online smacks of the worst kind of American Mommy Blogger, but then she's usually getting some kind of income for documenting her offspring's cute encounters with elves etc.

Each to their own, obviously, but you did ask. Happy Christmas!

ChipsandGuac · 29/11/2015 17:00

I think this is one of those occasions where it's healthier to remind yourself "it's not all about you". You have no idea if that status was aimed at you or not. For all you know, she could have just read a competitive parenting blog and be sounding out!

stuffthenonsense · 29/11/2015 17:00

They're problem, not yours

ghostyslovesheep · 29/11/2015 17:00

Maybe they are just angry elves ?

or maybe they are bored ridged by endless blathering on about 'what other people are doing for Christmas'

I could list all the things I have planned AND mention I work and go out at the weekend - then I would win a big gold star - but I don't really think anyone else would care

Just get on with it and stop feeling the need for everyones admiration approval

CelestiaLuna · 29/11/2015 17:00

Urg I hate Facebook and don't see the point of it.

I think it's lovely you are putting in so much effort to ensure your kids have a magical time. Not sure there is any need to publicly announce it though.

SpendSpendSpend · 29/11/2015 17:02

People in real life are OBSESSED with what other people spend their money on.

My family are the same, i get alot of snide remarks like..

"What? dd has got new shoes AGAIN?"
"You have more money than sense"
"You have too much money you do"
"What have you been buying this time then?"
What? ANOTHER new coat?"
"You spend far too much money at the supermarket"

and on and on and on.

I feel like saying fuck off most of the time.

Its got to the point that i hide stuff i spend from people i see alot. I will go shopping on my own rather than with someone else so they cant make snide comments on what i buy.

In your position i just wouldnt mention it to people what activities you have planned. Or you could just tell them to give it a rest and change the bloody record.

TheLambShankRedemption · 29/11/2015 17:02

Sod your FB friends and enjoy your activities. When I was on FB I had a friend like you and I took inspiration from a few of her ideas and took my own children.

atreya · 29/11/2015 17:05

They might not be envious, it might not just be their thing, but it's rude of them to say so.

I have somebody on Facebook (nicely hidden from my newsfeed at present) who is always updating what she does with her children, and how wonderful everything is (I'm not convinced). If it's so blummin wonderful then get off Facebook instead of updating each precious moment in real time. I wonder if she thinks "Oh I must share that" several times a day.

Sorry Grin

thelouise · 29/11/2015 17:05

YANBU to do whatever you like but YABVU to make judgments about other parents whilst complaining that people are judging you.

Skullyton · 29/11/2015 17:05

i think this is one of those cases where you get on with enjoying christmas how you and your family enjoy, and ignore everyone else.

i'm lucky that my mom and my brothers GF and her mom are all christmas obsessed like i am, so the four of us will go to christmas markets and faires altogether and leave the men at home.

But i know i have friends who don't get it and constantly post stuff about being fed up with it already.

i leave them to it and get on with keeping christmas (or yuletide as i'm pagan) in my own way!

Enjolrass · 29/11/2015 17:05

I think you should screen shot your post (remove anything identifying) and let us judge...only joking.

If you are getting the same reaction off several people chances are its in the delivery.

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