I love Christmas and I make a fuss of my kids so Aibu to tell people who are clearly envious to sod the hell off?

[KathGeorge1]

Hi I have four children age 10,8,6 and 4 and Christmas is my absolute favourite time of year as it is for a lot of people. They are the most loveliest, happy, appreciative children you could imagine and whilst they aren't overly spoilt in terms of gifts they do get to enjoy other things associated with the festive period.

I'm currently I sahm (du works full time) I worked when my oldest three were little but when I had our youngest I decided to take a couple of years out until she was ready for school (next year) so I have the time to plan things over Christmas that maybe I wouldn't have had time to plan or do if I were working full time. To say I've come across a lot of negativity from some friends/family/aquaintenaces is kind of an understatement. I'm not one of those pushy, over enthused, obsessive parents who like to rub things what I'm doing in other peoples faces but if people ask what I'm doing and what I'm doing over Christmas then I'll happily tell them, but I wish I hadn't bothered now.

Over the next few weeks we have quite a lot on ie trip to see Santa (of course lol) a day out at a reindeer farm, breakfast with Santa at our local garden centre, day out at an indoor Christmas theme park. And as a lot of parents I've done the usual portable North Pole messages, ordered personalised Christmas letters and Christmas plates and I've spent time doing arts and crafts and making a lot of handmade Christmas gifts for family.

Now this sort of thing I love as do my kids and we really enjoy getting stuck in over Christmas but clearly some people have a problem with the effort I make. I told two grandma what I had planned and what I'd been up to and they sort of sighed saying that I'm Mary poppins, one friend then went onto Facebook the same evening and put at stays along the lines of she doesn't understand why Christmas is such a competition for some parents and why the hell they feel the need to take their kids on loads of trips she doesn't know!

I don't usually put anything on Facebook really and only tag in probably once a year when we are on our annual holiday but I decided the other day to put a status on saying how excited I was for Christmas and that we had lots of activities planned and I couldn't wait for the kids to break up from school. Well all I got was oh you must be crazy wishing the kids to break up, and you don't have to keep the kids entertained 24/7 Kath I'm sure they're capable of doing stuff on their own!

I was kind of shocked at first but when I thought about it, these sort of comments didn't surprise me as they were mainly off the same group of people (who are not necessarily friends just people I know) who do absolutely bugger all with their own kids and who would rather go out of a weekend spending all their money and then are too hungover and skint the next day to bother doing anything. And whilst what they chose to do with their own lives is their decision it's also up to me what I do myself, and i don't expect to have digs at me just because I enjoy spending time time with my kids and family. So would I be unreasonable to just ignore the ones on Facebook and to tell my so called real friends to keep their bloody opinions to themselves?

You do what makes you happy.
Long before social media i wouldnt even know what people are up to! Its not improved life if others just critise, maybe dont write anything on there or tell anyone either, just do your own thing and only tell people if they ask and are geninuely interseted! In years to come your children may not want to do christmassy things, so make the most and shun the doomsayers!

OP I genuinely don't think it's what you're doing at Christmas that's the problem. It's the need to tell everyone so publicly. Just why? Carry on with all of those lovely plans (and they do sound great to me) but announcing them in Facebook seems just so unnecessary and would make anyone question your reasons. It's too self-conscious.

Of course I do, but my children are still relatively young, so I want to make the most of the "magic". My eldest has just started year 6 so this will (I expect) be her last year of believing so I want to make it special, it's never quite the same once you know the truth.

You can make it as special as you like. Just accept that not everyone is so enthralled by your public announcements.

. It's pure inner city Dublin, originalmavis. You know what they say; you can take the girl out of the slums, but you'll never take the ......

Also really the activities you've listed aren't particularly that OTT, plenty of people I know with younger children do those kinds of things in the run up to Christmas, maybe add in a panto or two as well!

Just listed in that way and put on the internet seems a strange thing to do. Though I must admit I only use Facebook for special interest groups like my running club and one on bird watching so maybe I'm boring in another way! As a PP said, a bit 'American blogger' style and doesn't sit well with a lot of people.

How do you know they do nothing with their kids? Because they don't post about it on Facebook? The way you talk about them sounds just as judgmental as they are about you, especially if they aren't really friends IRL. Block/hide.

I'm Catholic myself, I realise that yourself and other people may not like my plans for whatever reason but to call them hideous, really?.....

Your 10 year old still believes? Possibly it's time to go back to work,get a grip and stop obsessing about stuff on Facebook.

I know this because they work most of the week and their kids go to out of school club (perfectly acceptable as used to do the same, before anyone says anything) and then of a weekend their posts are about how their kids have gone to their dads house and they are then "out with the girls getting pissed" so where and when are they fitting in quality time with their chislren.

Actually now I think about, I can imagine...

I used to work for an Irish organisation and remember having to dive under the board table at my first department meeting to retreive an imaginary dropped pen when the immoral words 'feck' and 'gobshite' were uttered by a very genteel looming lady next to me.

I find it odd that people on your Facebook are talking as if Christmas is next week
There are three weeks of term left and despite a few Xmas tree pics and some mention of shopping no one is saying how they can't wait for the end of term or what their plans are (yet) all seems a bit erm premature and exaggerated for effect

Give OP a break!

Your plans sound lovely, some people are nobs...ignore.

What the heck is wrong with my 10 year old still believing in Santa? I expect that she has started to have doubts (due to her friends) but she has never asked me or her dad. whether he is real or not. If she did ask then I'd tell her the truth but seeing as she hasn't I wasn't going to dash her beliefs last year or this year either. Oh and how is me going back to work at all relevant to my CHILD still believing in Santa?

OP I genuinely don't think it's what you're doing at Christmas that's the problem. It's the need to tell everyone so publicly.

Hear hear, Ilovetorrentialrain. It's just boasting.

and then of a weekend their posts are about how their kids have gone to their dads house and they are then "out with the girls getting pissed" so where and when are they fitting in quality time with their chislren.

Right so you are 'upset' that they are judging you.

What exactly do you think you are doing in this para quoted then?

She said SHE would FIND those kind of plans hideous not that they where hideous - don't twist things

and what are they SUPPOSED to do stop access or sit in the dark doing penance when their kids are with their other PARENT

honestly you are beginning to make yourself seem like a sanctimonious bore

Grow up Rhoda, it's not boasting at all, what is boastful about doing everyday Christmas things with children? Facebook, believe it or not is for people to post about what they're doing, and like I've already said I have friends who have much more glamorous lifestyles than me and who are jet setting across the world right now, they post pictures to Facebook whilst they're away, yet I don't see this as boastful, but then again I'm normal so why the hell would I?......

I'm only judging people who are judging me, so I don't feel guilty.

are you a PBP OP because honestly this has all been posted before - almost word for word

anyway can you answer the question ...what are parents supposed to do when their children are away on ACCESS visits ??????

You obviously don't think you're unreasonable and aren't open to any alternative point of view.

It was the personalised plates that made me a bit but if your friend sells them then fair enough, that's not so weird after all.

I think as pp said above it's about tone and it's not so much what you're doing, it's more hearing all the activities in one big list that sounds a bit OTT and/or that you're trying to show off. Not saying you are trying to show off! Just that it might come across that way without you realising it.

Think about your friends posting about drinks with the girls, for example. If they did one Facebook post about it on the night that would sound normal. But if they posted a whole list of their upcoming nights out, kept a log of how much they all drank, and made it all sound like the most exciting thing on the planet, you might start thinking they're alcoholics, yes?

or alternatively ... do you think lone parent's should prevent access to the NRP in order to spend time with the kids

I am open to an alternative point of view, of course I am. I realise that yes, my posts may not be of interest to everyone, and that's fine but they then not scroll past them instead of posting sarcastic nasty comments?..... And don't start asking me about what single parents are supposed to do when their children are on acces visits, it's of no interest to me and I'm not getting into it.