to ask about the general attitude to children with behavioural differences

[Francoitalialan]

Inspired by another thread, if you have ordinary non-special needs kids, especially of primary age, and there's a child at school displaying behaviour that's different to the norm, what conclusion do you reach?

Options may include

Not nice
Nasty
Product of crap parents
Rude
Spiteful
Dim
Annoying
Irritating
And also
Autistic spectrum disorder
Attention deficit disorder
Hyperactivity
Anxiety disorder
Dyspraxia
Sensory processing disorder
Auditory processing Disorder
Misphonia
Tourette's

Ad Infinitum.

Where do you generally place your opinion and why?

DH doesn't really hate DD btw, he just can't cope, he didn't had a good family background himself so it's just difficult for him. More so than me as I have four siblings who I'm close to and much family support.

Not my Dad though, he has blamed me for all of DD's problems, which has been hard as we always had a very good relationship.

It's difficult, Hound. MiL never really accepted our nephew had autism, and she was a teacher! This was in the 70s, though, I think she would have been more enlightened had it been today.

My DS1 who is 8 has two friends who are SN, one in his class and one in his football team. None of them are violent but can have their meltdowns. I have a soft spot for both of them and they seem to like me and encourage my son to be nice and inclusive and try my best to explain why they do certain things when he asks. One of the friends mum is very open about his SN whereas the other mum has never mentioned anything. I also have other friends with autistic children and I totally appreciate how much harder their parenting is than mine.

There is definitely a generation thing too though. My DS is the only grandchild of my in-laws and FIL finds it hard to hide his disappointment, MIL is great though.

Last visit to in-laws had FIL (during a chat they were both enjoying) suggest to DS that "try and act a bit more normal". .

Thankfully exH who is excellent took his Dad to one side afterwards and said "No...don't do that, for (DS) this behaviour IS normal". To be fair FIL then apologised but I know he doesn't really "get it".

It's been a bit better since DS has moved to a special school though as all the other parents understand things.mwe know sometimes kids hit out because of sensory things, we know they all struggle with communication and so there is less stress when events occur.

Alfie The generational issue is very annoying. My MIL is particular is a PITA about DS. Calls him 'Mothers special snowflake' because she thinks I am too soft on him. When we were visiting during the summer he was about 12 months developmentally but looked like a 3-4 year old. There is zero point parenting a child in a way that doesn't work. The parenting I am using is what has been taught to me by his therapists. The therapists are professionally qualified and know what they are doing. My MIL was a PT community nurse who retired over 10 years ago after being on sick leave for over 5 years from a bad back. Quite frankly if I followed her advice I would have a disaster on my hands.

It also doesn't help that my MIL is Danish. Apparently I shouldn't think my child different than any other child. Well my DS is different to other DC. It starts with his hearing which is about 5% without hearing aids. So yeah yelling at the kid doesn't help. You can scream at the top of your lungs and he still won't hear you if his hearing aid isn't switched on. We don't sign with DS as he does understand you when you communicate at his eye level. That means getting down to his level or having him step onto his speaking box.

My FIL suggested that I had caused my DD' 's massive autistic regression (she lost her 1000s of words overnight and went from pretty NT to severely autistic) by "letting her rule the roost."

Oh it's a bloody nightmare isn't it? I suspect FIL thinks I have caused DS's autism in some way.

Doesn't help that their perfect niece has a perfect husband and a perfect child same age as DS. Grr!

Oh Hound, that brought back awful memories of 10 year old dd. Her dad died in March 2010 and we moved from London down to the coast later that year. (Far too much upheaval on reflection.)

We were walking along the beach one day and she just snapped. She fought me all the way home, ripped my clothes and tossed my handbag into the road, among other things. I just wanted to get her home away from the horrified stares of strangers.

It's a very special kind of club we belong too isn't it?

I'm a teacher. Have taught many children with and without SEN who behave in different ways. Some SEN pupils with the same "label" behave differently to each other. Non- SEN pupils show a range of behaviours too, sometimes because of something that has happened at home or in school, often because of raging hormones and sometimes just because they have had an off moment too. Some students do have parents who don't care and they are poorly behaved because of that.
What I'm saying is that you can't judge any behaviour and you can't always improve things without knowing the full story.

Pinotblush can you elaborate? If my 6 year old is lying under a table making noises, or refusing to look at you and say thankyou, or suddenly feels the urge to touch your hair, how would you like me and him to respond?

Or did you post just to be a deliberately goady twat?

No Im not a goady twat thank you OP. Did you mean to be so bloody rude? Its sound like your child has more than moderate special needs, then that is a different matter entirely.

He has "moderate" additional needs, which were diagnosed by his displaying behaviour which Omar face value would be perceived as rude and bad manners.

But anyway, reassured that you're not goading, you haven't a answered my question of how to handle such behaviour as that's down to the parents.

Go on. I'm all ears.

When you say the parent you mean a parent.

Most people aren't giving excuses they're giving reasons and recognised triggers behind the behaviours.

Pinot. Hahahahahahahahhahahaha!
Sorry, that is utter bullshit :o

I have never sworn at my son, never spat in his face, punched him, bitten him, I have never modelled knee skids in the supermarket, or thrown dog toys around a pet shop.
None of the adults in his life have done any of these things. I think he must be a genius, coming up with these ideas all by himself.

Comes from the parent? ODFOD.

Pinot your post was so overly simplistic, have you read the thread at all?

Please stop being rude OP. You're attitude is one of anger and defensiveness.

Children need boundaries and rules.

Parents often feel such guilt that they allow the child to manipulate.

Watch these knee slides Phil!

Why would parents feel guilt?

"Children need boundaries and rules."

It's really not this simple.
Boundaries and rules make my PDA son incredibly anxious and aggressive.
But I don't expect you to understand that.