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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wonder when it became the norm to holiday without your children?

180 replies

lifeinslowmotion · 27/11/2015 17:02

It is common among the mothers that I know to go away on 'girly' holidays without their children.

I don't have an issue with it as in most of the cases the children are left with their dads and well looked after. Apart from one boy I know who has never been abroad and his mum leaves him 2+ times a year to go to the Caribbean/America without him. She will also leave him with anyone that will have him but that's another thread altogether.

Just wondering when it became a thing? It's not something my own mother or friends mothers did when we were growing up. Not something I could imagine doing myself either although my children are very small so who knows I may change my view when they are older and more independent.

OP posts:
Philoslothy · 28/11/2015 14:58

Singsong so which posters' children do you feel sorry for?

LeaLeander · 28/11/2015 15:46

As to the "packed off with grandparents" comment - I agree with TheLouise.

My grandparents cared for us frequently on weekends whether or not my parents were traveling, because spending Saturday night with them was a huge treat! My grandfather was in poor health so not very active (he and my dad both became parents in middle age so Grampy was older than may have been the norm relative to our ages) - but he would talk with us and tell us about his childhood and youth - he was born in Bristol but ran away from home and ended up in Canada and then the U.S. after numerous adventures.

My grandma was the kindest person imaginable and we learned all sorts of things from her, she encouraged our creativity, our love of animals and nature and gardening, and was a wonderful example of a caring and sweet person. And her mild "wild side" of going to bingo showed us it's OK to have self-indulgent fun once in a while.

Similarly we used to stay weekends with my mother's younger sisters who were in full bell-bottom, purple VW bug flower power mode in the late 60s and early 70s, they took us to visit their own friends, bought us kooky clothes and styled our hair, and had popcorn/Coke parties on the floor of my (other) grandma's living room to watch special movies with us. And occasionally we stayed with mom's older sister who had a lovely home and was sophisticated and instilled in me a real love of antiques and home decorating and the art of entertaining and doing it all elegantly on a slim budget.

My parents were very loving and kind but they were not bold or adventuresome like Gramp or my young aunts, so it was good for us to have exposure to people who were less staid and security-oriented. They weren't interested in pets, gardening, bingo, antiques or teaching us about hair/makeup so those are just a few of the items we would not have been exposed to should we have never stayed with relatives or family friends.

My point is that parents truly are kidding themselves if they think only THEY have something to give/teach their children. It really stunts a child if they only have one input, one adult role model. The kids my heart breaks for are the ones who smugly pronounce "We haven't had a night away since little Ewan and Maisie were born, and that will be ten years next month," or some such claptrap. Poor Ewan and Maisie, I always think.

GoldenSpaceCadet · 28/11/2015 15:55

My mum and dad used to take us camping. In the evenings they used to leave us in the tent ( in the pitch black in the middle of a field) to go to the pubShock My & I loved being left & found it exciting scaring each other with ghost stories Grin Wouldn't happen these days

Singsongsungagain · 28/11/2015 15:56

There are loads of adult role models in my children's lives! That doesn't depend on me having a night/week/fortnight away!

GoldenSpaceCadet · 28/11/2015 15:57

*my sister and I

FindoGask · 28/11/2015 16:00

My dad used to be very scornful of people that went on holidays without their children, but he also spent almost every night of our childhoods in the pub which he didn't seem to have an issue with.

My daughters have gone to stay with my mum for a few days at a time, twice - the first so we could move house, the second because I thought it would be good for their relationship to spend time together without me, as they see each other so rarely (we live hundreds of miles apart). I didn't do anything exciting when they were away, but if I'd been organised enough I would have done.

Bambambini · 28/11/2015 16:12

Well singsong - that's just as well, seeing as you are very busy with your demanding long hours job and your masters degree. No wonder you want to spend the few spare hours with her.

kslatts · 28/11/2015 16:18

We go on family holidays, DH and I go away for weekends together and leave dd's with grandparents, I go away with friends, dh goes away with friends, dd's have been away without us with grandparents, I have been away with dd's without dh and dh has done the same.

It had always been normal for us to do this.

LeaLeander · 28/11/2015 16:30

I disagree, SingSing. Being taken into the household of others and seeing how they live beyond a few hours' "play dates" and the like is what I am talking about. Really becoming part of the family and having the luxury of time to have spontaneous conversations without mom's gimlet eye, and plenty of hours to do activities or just lounge around getting to know one another well, again without mom sitting there as a gatekeeper and filter.

TimeToMuskUp · 28/11/2015 16:33

We have loads of adventures; some with the DCs and some without them. We love to travel, and whilst we travel plenty with them sometimes it simply suits us to do it without them (we did Venice this January and Barcelona and whilst I'm sure they'd have loved both places, I did have a little moment sat in Harry's Bar drinking a bellini thinking how lovely it was not to have to constaly say "stop bloody poking him in the face, please put the cutlery down, you can't lick that wall" to small people). You might think I'm selfish but I'm a happier, stronger, better parent for taking time out and having time to myself. I'm sure DH is the same.

As for feeling sorry for DCs packed off to Grandparents, you need your head reading. Mine adore, and I truly mean adore, their Grandparents. MIL has been staying with us for the last week as I've had surgery and needed some help. The DCs cried when she left last night to return home. Spending time with her is their favourite thing ever; she is fun, she's loving and she's marvellous. They don't need your patronising pity at all.

ssd · 28/11/2015 16:40

there's no use discussing it op, people who go on holiday without their kids have usually grandparents or other family, who can take their kids, the people who don't ever go on holiday or anywhere without their kids have never ever had family to take the kids off their hands

its not rocket science, its like those threads saying why do SAHM's have cleaners, because they can afford them of course!

SarahSavesTheDay · 28/11/2015 16:41

I think apocalypse is joking!

I was too. Wink

MitzyLeFrouf · 28/11/2015 16:42
Grin

I clicked on this thread to see if Singsongsungagain had appeared, and there she is! My psychic powers are indeed coming along a treat.

She doesn't agree with parents leaving children with a babysitter for an evening so I'm sure she's frowning most severely at the thought of a people having a child free weekend!

ssd · 28/11/2015 16:42

lightbulbon, are you for real? you're going to Australia for a month and leaving your kids with a babysitter you havent met?

is this a wind up??

Headofthehive55 · 28/11/2015 17:04

Ive never been tempted to have time away on holiday without my children. It just doesn't appeal. Each to their own I suppose. I just enjoy being with my family.

Neither sets of grandparents would look after all of them together so I think the issue has never arisen.

CalicoGreen · 28/11/2015 17:59

As soon as we went back to boarding school at the end of the summer holiday, my parents would go off abroad on holiday. Dm had looked after us all holiday and DF had been at work. I guess they felt like a holiday.

Bambambini · 28/11/2015 19:25

Ssd

Or the children are looked after by the other parent. We have never had family around - we rely on us to look after our children. We still go away with friends for breaks.

askabusywoman · 28/11/2015 19:41

Maria Von Trapp left her step children for ages to honeymoon with Captain Von Trapp. And there was a war breaking out. She would not fare well on here, notwithstanding her Toast-esque wardrobe.

Lightbulbon · 28/11/2015 20:18

Ssd it's the plot in

Don't tell mom the babysitters dead

FormerlyKnownasFK · 28/11/2015 20:37

My grandparents did it, so we're talking 1950's.

My parents never did.

I've never had a holiday without DS but weekends away yes because I'm a lone parent so he's with his DF every other one.

I think that women going away on their own is more a result of women's financial independence so not much history of it.

TooSassy · 28/11/2015 20:50

I've done it since my DC's were young. Started when they were toddlers (day trips with my gf's) extending into weekend away and in the last 3 years have gone abroad for 3/4 days at least once a year.

My parents certainly travelled without us when we were young. I think it's healthy to teach children that parents have lives too. It's also nice to be missed.

spaceyboo · 28/11/2015 20:52

Maybe the mums want a break? Don't see how it's any of your business what anyone else does tbh.

ssd · 28/11/2015 21:23

ah lightbulbon!

I thought it was a bit odd!!

Headofthehive55 · 28/11/2015 22:18

My parents never did, I guess it's more to do with people having more wealth?
Although my mum did guide camp but she took her kids with us and left dad at home...
I'm not sure that what you mean...

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 28/11/2015 23:13

Oh good Sarah!

Not that animal costumes and tea making don't sound good!

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