Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder when it became the norm to holiday without your children?

180 replies

lifeinslowmotion · 27/11/2015 17:02

It is common among the mothers that I know to go away on 'girly' holidays without their children.

I don't have an issue with it as in most of the cases the children are left with their dads and well looked after. Apart from one boy I know who has never been abroad and his mum leaves him 2+ times a year to go to the Caribbean/America without him. She will also leave him with anyone that will have him but that's another thread altogether.

Just wondering when it became a thing? It's not something my own mother or friends mothers did when we were growing up. Not something I could imagine doing myself either although my children are very small so who knows I may change my view when they are older and more independent.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 27/11/2015 19:25

I'm 45 - my mum used to - just for weekends away - she was a lone parent - she's leave me with her lone parent friends and then have their kids in return - all this in the late 1970's early 80's

Sighing · 27/11/2015 19:26

My mum often remarks on my honeymoon away with just DH (she offered).... Meanwhile I and my brother were packed off every summer with both sets of grandparents (2 weeks each set). I'm sure it's an entirely "modern" thing, much like my mum says Hmm

LonelySatsuma · 27/11/2015 19:34

When I was a kid (80s) my mum used to go to Ireland a couple of times a year without me to see her old friends and cousins etc. My dad had us...and it was great fun! He broke all her rules (burger and chips for dinner every night, allowed to stay up late and watch telly...it was like a holiday for us kids Grin).

Me and DH go away twice a year minimum for a weekend without DC (leaving DC with my mum or DH's sister). DH goes away on football trips alone maybe 4 times a year, and I take a week every year (and have done since my DC were born) and go away with friends or my sister or even on my own. I've been to Istanbul, Athens, Barcelona, Ibiza, Dublin, New York...all sans kids.

If you have good, reliable childcare and can afford it...why the hell not??? You're a long time dead.

MrsCrimshaw · 27/11/2015 19:42

in the 1980s my parents used to ferry myself and my brother down to Cornwall to stay with our grandma a couple of times a year and they would go on a break by themselves. I also remember staying with some family friends for a week (and vice versa with their kids) while parents did the same.

I'd rather they spent the time together and had a happy marriage than if they hadn't taken the time and grown apart. It clearly worked for them, and me & bro had some great times away from them too :)

TheSecondViola · 27/11/2015 19:51

Op doesn't mean parents, she means mothers.

SenecaFalls · 27/11/2015 20:07

I thought the issue was mothers leaving their children. When I referred to my parents, that includes my mother.

Patapouf · 27/11/2015 21:21

My DM did a lot in the 90s, both DPs went away together at least once a year during my childhood and left us with GPs. In fact they still do! (Have younger siblings still at home)

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/11/2015 21:37

im a nanny and ive often looked after children while parents go away and chill and then they have a family holiday together

i think it is good for parents and children to have time away

some adults/parents dont really enjoy holidays with their children and want time to relax and be hubby and wife and not mum and dad

its also good for children to be away and spend time with gp's or a nanny

Tomatoesareyum · 27/11/2015 21:44

My parents always did a week away every year without and my grandma came to stay. They did lovely holidays, cruises, Caribbean holidays, all sorts. We still did family holidays and I certainly wasn't bothered.

DH and I do a 4 night holiday alone every year and it's very important to us to have that time together. He usually does a long weekend skiing with his friends (I hate skiing) and I usually go away with 3 or 4 girlfriends for 3 nights. It's good for all of us. The children r ally don't miss out, they did 2 holidays with us this year and have 2 booked for next year.

We love bring with the children but sometimes just need to be us too.

Furtyferret · 27/11/2015 22:07

I've done this, I have 3 children, 2 with ASD, one of whom has complex health needs, & I'd had to give up work.

With no family locally, & no other avenues of support, DH suggested that I have a weekend away or midweek break when he wasn't at work. First weekend away was to Rome!

This gave me the chance enable me to recharge batteries etc. We also worked it so that in return he too got the odd weekend here and there. It has been on occasions the only thing that's kept me sane, knowing that break was just around a corner.

Now they are teenagers, my Sister has had them on a couple of occasions whilst hubby & I went away over night, and given that at least one of them will probably never leave home, nor will he ever be able to be left home alone, she'll probably have him a few more times for us.

SuperFlyHigh · 27/11/2015 22:51

Ah William I sort of see your point there then.... Some women I do think either shouldn't have children or not treat them as toy dolls.

Shakshuka · 28/11/2015 01:39

I've never been away on holiday without my kids other than for work.

My aunt, on the other hand, left my cousin who was only a baby with her mum and went off to America for a few weeks. Never occurred to her to take the baby. This was about 35 years ago

So it's definitely not new!

LeaLeander · 28/11/2015 02:13

I'm in my 50s and my parents did multiple long weekends per year and perhaps a weeklong vacation every spring without us. It was not noteworthy. My mom also would stay with her mother/sisters for girly weekends and dad took care of us. No biggie.

I recall they did a three week trip to Europe (we are in US) in 1972 when I was 8. My mother created a booklet with a page for each day they would be gone, with a note & photo of where they would be. We were looked after by young aunts (her sisters) and my father's parents. It's a good memory -we had lots of fun and our parents were thrilled with their first big overseas journey.

I think it's healthy for kids to learn early to adjust to parents' absence.

DeputyPecksBentBeak · 28/11/2015 02:40

I've recently come back from a weekend away with DH. It would have been impractical to take the DC. We were staying with friends so the location wasn't negotiable and it was a non child friendly city. I'm sure it's child friendly to live there, but as a tourist, not so much. Plus we were staying in their one bedroom apartment which would've been difficult with a 3yo and a 1yo!

So instead of a stressful trip, filled with either very bored and cold children or spent trying desperately to find something to entertain them, we got a relaxing break. Lots of walking and sightseeing but a real chance to recharge our batteries and the DC had a fabulous weekend with relatives doing craft activities, going to soft play etc. I also think it's good for them to understand that mummy and daddy have a life and interests outside of them. They know that our whole world revolves around them, we show them all the time.

We were away for four days in total and though I personally wouldn't do any more than that I'm not going to judge people who do. It will probably be our only child free holiday for many years (circumstance rather than need) and we'll continue to do our child friendly holidays and take the DC on city breaks when they're old enough to appreciate them.

I hate the attitude of "how can a mother leave her child" etc etc and no question of the dad.

OfficeGirl1969 · 28/11/2015 07:46

My mum and dad often had holidays for just the two of them when I was young (think 30+ years ago) My nana lived with us so I'd stay home with her. We had family holidays as well, but there were always grown up holidays too (I quite enjoyed it because mum always brought me back a souvenir if wherever they had been......and nana used to let me stay up late, not eat vegetables and watch Kenny Everett......!)

If OH and I could have afforded any holidays we'd have had adult only holidays as well as family ones, unfortunately now we're in a better financial position, he's laid up with a knackered back and the kids are all grown up and moved out!

WiryElevator · 28/11/2015 07:54

My DH goes away for 3 nights on a boys golfing holiday every year, has done forever.

Once the DC got to about 5 I decided I wanted me some of that. I'm not a one for large hordes of girlfriends so I just go with one very good friend for 1 or 2 nights of European city bliss. Last year, we did loads of stuff we couldn't have done with the kids - Segway rides round the city, wine tasting midnight bar crawls.

It's not for me to do it all the time, but once a year with a good friend for a weekend? Hell yeah.

My parents went on a Caribbean cruise for 2 weeks when I was 7, my sister 10. We stayed with my grandparents. They came back after a week as they missed us so much.

superram · 28/11/2015 08:00

I think my dad went away without me but not my mum. However, I went away with my friends mum for weeks as she didn't work-my parents stayed at home.

gingerdad · 28/11/2015 08:07

My parents used to do it all the time leave us with GP

We've done it since DDs where little weekends away either together or individually with friends. And left them with either friends of GP. First one was a London weekend when DD was about 3 months old.

DW has done a couple of trips abroad first one for a friends 40 when dd1 was about 9 months old.

BooAvenue · 28/11/2015 08:14

Too bloody right I leave them at home to holiday sometimes! I think it's very important that DH and I have some regular alone time to just enjoy each other with no distractions. Also, no way am I forking out the extortionate prices to take DC to the Maldives when they probably wouldn't enjoy it.

We generally do two weeks a year just us, one week to CP/Lapland/Disney for DC plus another two or three weekend breaks mostly without DC.

Lightbulbon · 28/11/2015 08:27

Why does your question only ask why MOTHERS go on holiday without their dcs?

Singsongsungagain · 28/11/2015 08:29

I find it odd. Effectively you are having a holiday FROM your children/dh which I actually find a bit sad. Work keeps me away from my children enough without adding extra time away from them. I also want my children to have life experiences; visiting new places, meeting new people as they grow up. I want them there with me not packed off to a grandparent.

My parents didn't do it and I never have/never will. There's no martyrdom in it- it's just that I enjoy time with my children and dh. Why would I want to go away without the three people who make me happiest in the world?

cosmicglittergirl · 28/11/2015 08:55

I went on an European city break when DD1 was 14 months leaving her with DH. It was great and I'd do it again.
My mother never did it, but she wouldn't go anywhere without her DH and generally doesn't enjoy holidays.

Dachshund · 28/11/2015 09:02

My own parents did it at least 25 years ago, it was an annual treat for me to go to London and stay with my grandparents and an annual treat for them to get a week off!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/11/2015 09:04

I would LOVE this

BooAvenue · 28/11/2015 09:05

I enjoy time with my children Confused I find the implication I don't quite offensive actually.

We're lucky enough to be able two afford two holidays and two/three weekend breaks a year so the children get to visit plenty of different places and see different things.

Tbh I don't think 4 year old DD and 6 month old DS would get much out of spending two weeks in a water villa/on a beach in the Maldives or such like. I think it's important for me and DH to take time out to focus simply on each other every now and again, which due to the children we don't generally get to do on a day to day basis.