to wonder when it became the norm to holiday without your children?

[lifeinslowmotion]

It is common among the mothers that I know to go away on 'girly' holidays without their children.

I don't have an issue with it as in most of the cases the children are left with their dads and well looked after. Apart from one boy I know who has never been abroad and his mum leaves him 2+ times a year to go to the Caribbean/America without him. She will also leave him with anyone that will have him but that's another thread altogether.

Just wondering when it became a thing? It's not something my own mother or friends mothers did when we were growing up. Not something I could imagine doing myself either although my children are very small so who knows I may change my view when they are older and more independent.

Going away without your children doesn't mean that you don't want to be with them or don't want them to have life experiences. My children also make me the happiest in the world but sometimes, just sometimes I need a few days away from "he says, she said, he looked at me, it's my turn to choose what to watch, clean your teeth, get your shoes on NOW" and to have a bit if time with my husband without wondering what the kids are going to eat, without looking in the shops they want to look in and to drink wine, read my book and have sex without worrying that a head will appear next to me telling me that they can't sleep mid action.

My parents went away without us dcs a couple times and we stayed with relatives. I don't see any problem with it, as long as the dcs are properly cared for by someone they know. Better that than the parents dragging them along on holiday and leaving them in "kids club" during the day and then with babysitters in the evening. I've known a few couples that have done that and I always wondered why they bothered paying to bring the dcs along when they barely spent any time on the holiday with them.

Can it actually be called a 'holiday' if you take your kids?*

I take plenty of 'trips' with my kids. I 'holiday' by myself or with my partner. Huge difference. As my kids get older, I'm sure it will feel more holiday-like with them.

*I adore my kids. But I don't find looking after them in a different location to be a 'holiday'.

My DDs always looked forward to the chaos of a weekend with mum away.

We've also done trips where only one of us goes had a couple of fantastic weekends at Alton towers and to France with the DDs and my oh went with them and grandma to London.

But we've been lucky that for most of my DDs lives one of us has worked part time so have never felt they'd miss out by not coming we if we went away or have different fun with which ever parent was at home. Also been lucky and had lots of cracking family holidays. Verity is the spice of life.

I don't do it. My DS is 9. Not sure I get it really, maybe for a weekend but not a proper holiday. We do stuff as a family.

When I was 15 and 16, I went on holiday with my parents and took a friend. When I was 17 I went with my parents and a friend but my parents stayed in a different hotel! This meant I got my independance (and a free lift) and they didn't have to leave me at home on my own 😀 At 18 I went abroard without them and they went on holiday a different week leaving me in the house.

I know a few people who have an overnight stay without their kids but only one or two who go for longer and leave them with dad/grandparents.

Just to add, DH and I separated for a while and during that time we still either holidayed as a family or one of us took DS away while the other stayed at home. Neither of us went away without him.

I think it's such a personal thing but 3 school age children staying in their own home mid week during termtime with a grandparent, and still going away with their parents a couple of times a year I'm struggling to feel guilty.

Dh and I have been away on a few weekends over the years (mainly tied into an 'event' or show that we wanted to see) without the dc.

I'm also going on a 3 day Hen party abroad next year. Dh went on one 3 day stag abroad a few years back. One offs, for very close friends.

But I wouldn't go on a weeks/more holiday without the dc. I get 5 weeks annual leave a year (so does DH). Those 5 weeks are precious to us, as a family, for family holidays and time together. I wouldn't want to piss half of that away just because I needed some 'me time'. What a waste (IMO).

My parents left us for a week early seventies to go to Benidorm. I was 4 or 5. After that, we always went with them.

People are more affluent now and many people have several holidays through the year instead of one family holiday. Flights and weekends are much more doable now and women are working and many earning good money.

I go away several breaks a year with friends and off for a week to asia soon. My husband loves being alone with the kids without me moaning.

1970s, mum & dad went for a week in Majoria, we stayed with grandparents. So I would say it has been the norm for at least 40 years, OP.

Totally normal in France. Dump your kids on the grandparents, go away as a couple. I think it's very healthy. Well maybe not for the grandparents ;-)
I was left with relatives surrounded by cousins from when I was a toddler up, always had great holidays. Not for that long, a couple of weeks, bit more. But then my parents were very hands on the rest of the year anyway and my mum was a SAHP so getting quality time in with me wasn't the issue, it was more my parents needing time alone.

I think it made my cousins and me more independent. For one thing the older kids help look after the younger kids if all the parents are away. Then when it comes to things like guide camp you're totally used to not having your parents kiss you goodnight, you're used to being abroad without your parents, you're used to the idea that they have their own life and it doesn't always revolve around you. On school trips there were always a few kids who couldn't cope being away from home which clouded the whole stay for them, whereas I still am not 100% sure what homesickness is or if I've ever had it before. Going away to uni was absolutely fine for example even though I'm close to my parents, don't remember missing home at all.

We've done many little city breaks without the kids, but had only 2 major holidays alone. They are rejuvenating for the marriage quite a lot of sex and I love them. I find that the kids take on epic proportions of amazingness in absentia and we mope a fair bit towards the end.

"I find it odd. Effectively you are having a holiday FROM your children/dh which I actually find a bit sad. Work keeps me away from my children enough without adding extra time away from them. I also want my children to have life experiences; visiting new places, meeting new people as they grow up. I want them there with me not packed off to a grandparent.
My parents didn't do it and I never have/never will. There's no martyrdom in it- it's just that I enjoy time with my children and dh. Why would I want to go away without the three people who make me happiest in the world?"

Well i don't work so probably see the kids more than you see yours, maybe i should feel sad for your kids.

They have never been packed off to gps - one of their parents looks after them when the other is away. We have lots of holidays together and experiences so please don't worry (and feel )

When i go off they are usually in school and have all their after school stuff or have a lovey weekend with their dad. Hope you don't feel so sad now for all the poor children.

If dh and I went away to Disney world without the dc, that would be a bit out of order wouldn't it? Dh would, but I thought that it would be a bit cruel, and dc would be upset.

god, I don't even like going on holiday without the dog never mind without DD! I don't think it makes me a mummy martyr, I just like spending time with her. I do however carry a lot of guilt as I work long hours and holidays are a time to reconnect and for me to atone for leaving DD in childcare for long hours.

Nothing wrong with leaving children with family that love them though. It's just that it's not for me. I'd much rather spend time with DD than spa break/hen do/golf weekend etc.

My mum didn't but then there weren't cheap flights 30 years ago.

Maybe there's a split about this between people who don't generally spend much time with their children/put them in childcare long hours and those who don't?

"If dh and I went away to Disney world without the dc, that would be a bit out of order wouldn't it? Dh would, but I thought that it would be a bit cruel, and dc would be upset."

Husband and i dont go for holidays together without the kids, if we did - Disney is the last place we would go - the mind is boggled.

I find it odd. Effectively you are having a holiday FROM your children/dh which I actually find a bit sad.

I have no shame in admitting that I like a holiday from my children. Thank you for your pity.

My parent's never did it so I was surprised it's so common these days. I'm a LP and had 2 nights off in 7 years .

I would do it like a shot if I could. We had 1 kid free holiday when we only had 2 dc (i.e. about 14 years ago). sadly my in laws died so we're stuck with our own children

we do have the occasional weekend alone but not me and dh without kids. Although this might happen this summer (fingers crossed tightly)

"Well i don't work so probably see the kids more than you see yours, maybe i should feel sad for your kids"

I don't think there's any shame in being a successful working mother. I consider myself to be a good role model for my daughters. I am also entirely sure that there are a great many working parents who still feel the need to holiday away from their children. I know of some whose children are already practically raised by the grandparents and then still go on holiday alone for two weeks a year because "they need a break".
As someone juggling a career, two children and a masters degree with no outside help beyond my fabulous husband, my heart breaks.

I think that if there are family holidays as well then where is the issue?

Well my IL didn't - they went away and didn't do family holidays till DH was nearly an adult when they suddenly started - the gated crashed ours then moaned we did kids centre activities and that we didn't use the childcare options so they could have our undivided time.

However you do have a point - it's not the usual situation - does seem to be more in addition to family holidays and your right there is no real issue.

I fully admit I like having a holiday from my DC. And from my DH on occasion .

singsong is there shame I'm holidaying away from your children?

Is your issue the time spent away from your children ( in which case my children have far more time with me than yours do - but my heart is not breaking for them) or that you can only have time apart from your children for an "essential" reason.

Is it essential that you work? When I worked I was paying for handbags, skincare and holidays so arguably that time apart from my children would cause far more "heartbreak" than a dirty weekend in Bognor Regis"

Singsong - ah, I see. You are run off your feet and have no help from parents like some others - so just a bit jealous and bitter then, I guess.

Why you have chosen to do a masters degree on top of this, keeping you further from your children - baffling.