To find ex SILs behaviour spoilt and passive aggressive

[beltedmaisy]

My DB works very hard and as ex SIL has no living family a lot of the childcare for their DS falls to our side, this is fine we are happy to have him and don't charge SIL. There has never been any animosity.

SIL has always bought birthday gifts for our family from DS and herself presumably by way of thanks for our help.

She has just been to our house dropping off Santa presents for DN as we have more room to hide them until Christmas eve and she also slipped us a gift set and asked if we could wrap it with DN and give it to him for him to give to her Christmas morning when questioned further she explained how he'd been a bit upset on her birthday which was a few weeks ago when his teacher asked if mummy had gotten anything nice.

AIBU to think it's not our responsibility, we're doing more than enough as it is and that the last thing a 5 year old is thinking about is a gift set for his mother? It's left a really bad taste in my mouth and makes ex SIL come across very passive aggressive!

tis' the season for goodwill and all that

I want to secret santa exSil now :(

Me too.
I don't like my sil at all, but if I was OP, I would be buying her something.

She is the mother of your nephew!!!!

We had our DNs this weekend. I wouldn't want to be overly generous, so I'm off to knock up an invoice.

I think you're being harsh. She didn't ask you to buy it. My DH and I don't really buy any main christmas gifts for each other anymore but we do buy something little just so we can open it in front of the children because they like seeing us open a present. Perhaps your mother could take GS out and help buy him something little for his mother.

With no living family, I wonder where SIL is going to spend Xmas day, with your family op? With Mum being so fiercely protective of her son? Spending it alone sounds preferable to that. I am absolutely certain that this is a reverse thread but if not, I hope you have read all the replies and taken on board that over a hundred people think you are being most unreasonable.

I'm actually hoping this is bollocks and that nobody would really be so cruel.

Surely nobody is actually that hideous in RL as to begrudge wrapping a pre-bought present for someone with no family bar their 5 year old who loves his mum and wants her to be happy?

Poor woman :(

You don't charge your SIL for looking after your brothers child when he is at work. Well done you!

Wrap the present, and don't forget her birthday next year and stop being so damn weird.

I used to be unhappy when my mum had nothing for her birthday and nothing under the tree. As a child, I couldn't go to the shops, I didn't have any money. It upset me a lot.

I appreciate that her suggestion is making you feel guilty, but it is likely not intended to. My suggestion is to wrap the present with your nephew. If you want to be even kinder, you could take dear nephew to the pound shop and let him pick something and wrap it with him. A lot of trouble I know, but as a child it would have made me feel much less troubled at the holidays.

The problem isn't your ex sil it's your DB, many many parents work long hours, it doesn't let you off the hook re parenting it's just life.
If you're starting to begrudge picking up the slack you need to take it up with him (why do I suspect your DM would have a problem with...) and really, give your SIL a break and stop reading so much unpleasantness into perfectly normal things she says and does.

wow yabu

OP, have you been drinking? No judgement, I'm all for a 3pm snowball when it's nearly December. But perhaps next time post when you're not at the so-drunk-you're-irate-about-all-past-grievances-stage.

Seriously, you're just mean. Spend time with your DN and be glad your SIL is so happy to have you play such a large part in his childhood; she must think highly of you to do so. What a shame you don't feel the same way about her.

I am speechless, totally unbelievable op, you and your mother sound like a pair of vicious nasty cruel women. You have db on a pedestal he clearly doesn't deserve and your treating your ex sil like a second class citizen. If I was ex sil and found out what you put in this thread about me, you wouldn't be spending any more time with any child of mine ever again. What's next poisoning your nephews mind about how horrible his mother is. You sound like a seriously warped individual, and I am glad I don't have to know you in real life, I doubt you have many friends.

On the off chance this is a reverse...... can we send you secret santa gifts ex sil?

Wow! When I was a single parent I worked in excess of 50 hours a week, it's quite standard in most professional jobs. In fact there must be thousands of lorry drivers, nurses, doctors, solicitors, teachers, managers who give no presents on xmas day due to long working hours! so what if db is working? Surely he buys food from the supermarket, they sell books, CDs, wine... It's not hard!

On my exes birthday I bought a gift for dd to give to him (despite me working far more hours then him). He didn't bother on mine and she was upset (I'm guessing he found it tough to put an extra item in the shopping basket in sainsburys when buying his food! Poor man must be due to him working!).

So at Xmas I bought myself a gift and gave it to a friend to give to my dd to give to me on Xmas day.

Your db is rather selfish op, I really hope mummy doesn't dote so much on him that she does his food shopping and cleaning for him. If he has bought you or his mum a present on Xmas day I wonder how he fitted it into his busy schedule!

Yabvvu. Very sad thread.

Your SIL buys presents for you and your family from herself and her son.
And I presume for her ex too?

You have forgotten her birthday and not brought her anything for Christmas because your poor DB is busy boohoo
Does her manage to buy anything for you and family too? And his son?

You don't charge her for babysitting your nephew, you know, your brothers child too? Does your DB appreciate that? Have you mentioned that to him?

Your DN was upset that HIS mommy didn't have anything to open because everyone was too busy to think about his mom. He will remember that you know, how little you all think of her? He will see it and tak it in.

Your DM is fiercely protective of her boys, of course she is, how on earth did I guess that was coming?!

She's brought herself something and wants you to wrap it so her son doesn't see her with nothing. Ffs.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves, especially your brother. Give me SILs address and i'll happily send her some chocolates and some perfume! just for putting up with you lot

my god OP

I hope this is a reverse, or wow.. just...wow.

I'm not saying you're horrible or anything, but i swear i just heard an oompa loompa blow into a pitch pipe....

Don't get me wrong I know that ex partners and ex SILs (especially with birth children related to blood relative) 'can' be difficult, you of course want to take DBs side etc and there were reasons why the marriage ended (none of your business really OP) but the way you've carried on about this woman makes it seem as though like another poster said she stomps on kittens for fun in her spare time!

My ex SIL had 2 children of her own none with my DB, cheated on DB in front of his face (had sex in a pub with another man when my brother was at the bar) and when I was round at my mum's house for Sunday lunch and upstairs in my old room relaxing (luckily!) due to there being a spat re something else I had SIL downstairs shouting at me to "come downstairs and I'll fight you!" (I didn't fight her of course....). Now THAT is one SIL who me and my family really are justified in hating and thankfully she's moved abroad now.... But yours unless there's a huge backstory or it's a reverse is in incredibly mean and unkind on so many levels. Have a word with yourself OP!

As someone who also has no living family, i can tell you that it is fucking hard!!! The grief never goes away and it must be heartbreaking for her that she has no-one on her side to share the fun times with, lean on during hard times, ask for help with childcare etc. Appreciate how lucky you are to have your family and have some compassion.

ftr, my ex-sil and i don't speak, we haven't since she and my brother separated, but i'd still scalp him if he didn't take the kids shopping to get her something from them.

Just scrolled to the end to see if this is a reverse or if there was a MASSIVE dripfeed.

But, nope. I'm am the pettiest, spite fullest person on the face of the Earth..... and even I think you sound like an arsehole.

Wtf is wrong with working part time? This is your nephew and your brother's child, not just your SIL's child, why on earth should she pay you? Should your brother pay you? I doubt that has occurred to you.

I hope this is a reverse because you sound awful.

I'm sorry to say, you sound like my MIL. Knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

This thread makes me feel really sad.

God, what a horrid thread about a comes across as nasty, small minded family.
Op you sound like a spiteful horror - I can just see you now, Mrs Bucket, thinking you and yours are better than everyone.

Show some compassion, get your brother to step up, unless he really wants no relationship with DN and try putting some love out there in the world.

Merry Christmas [santa]

This also makes me feel very sad. Your SIL has no family except her DS and she has to buy a present from him to her. That is beyond tragic.

On another note, you just reinforced to me why I despise my own SIL so much. You and her are cut from the same cloth.