For thinking taking photos at a funeral is weird

[Singsongsungagain]

Seriously. Today on my FB page two seperate individuals have been to a funeral. I know this because both have posted posed photos of themselves dressed in black at cemeteries. There's an "arty" photo of a single flower on someone's knee. Last year, an acquaintance of mine sadly suffered the death of her young child. A horrific experience I have no doubt. Why then post posed pictures of yourself/others standing near the coffin?!

I just find it in really poor taste. I'm fortunate enough to not have been to too many funerals in my life but have never dreamed of taking photos!

Am I unreasonable or is this strange?

We took photos of the flowers on my mother's grave I have them for me. They have not gone up on any social media. They make me feel good when I look at them and remember how many people cared about her.

I too will take a wreath at christmas. I won't put a card on. Mum for one didn't like to see them so I won't do it for her. She was very sensitive about the cards she received after my dad died too. 'Wishing you a wonderful christmas and fabulous new year!' Not going to happen was it?

I have reported my thread and asked for it to be taken down. I stand by my views that I don't think FB pictures of mourners are necessary but equally I do not want to offend or to cause any pain for those who have experienced huge trauma.
For the record, I haven't lived a life untouched by death. I haven't lost a child, thank goodness, but I have lost people to whom I have been very close. My view that taking photos at a funeral isn't something I would do remains. My view that sharing them on FB is unnecessary and could be disrespectful to the dead and their close family remains.

Everyone took photos at my dad's funeral. Now that I think about it, it was at the burial and the thing afterwards (what is that called? we had a huge cookout, it was great) and not the service. I wish someone had taken photos of the visitation and service!

I suppose partly I don't understand why you'd want a momento of a funeral- remember the life rather than the death.

That's exactly what those photos are to me. He would have LOVED them and loved looking over them and seeing all his friends and family together. That meant the world to him. It was the first time in a couple of decades that all of the cousins on his side were together. We have a great picture of it.

There were a few hundred people and I was in a daze having helped care for him the last seven months of his life (the last 3 weeks were 24/7 at his house with my mom - I'm guessing you're the type that whispers "cancer" with wide eyes like it's moral failing).

I'm not terribly sympathetic to pearl clutching, it's more self centered than taking photos at a funeral to me. However, you are, of course, allowed to think whatever you do, I can't stop you if nothing else.

I haven't lost a child, thank goodness

Then your opinion on what a bereaved parent should or shouldn't do is invalid.

And Dinosaur, if taking pictures helped you then who am I to argue. Did you post them on FB? From what you've said, I'm guessing not.

No not facebook because I don't use fb that much. Instead I made a website and uploaded it all to that for people to see. So quite similar to fb in a way. If I was a big fb user I would have used that instead.

And I'm sorry about the loss of your mum. Surprised that hasn't taught you to be less judgemental in how other people grieve. But you obviously feel that the way you grieved is in the remit of 'normal'. Heres a newsflash for you.... there is no normal when it comes to grieving. People do what they need to do to keep going. The only thing other people need to do is have a little respect for that.

Op I am glad you have done the right thing and asked for this thread to be taken down.

I am sorry for all the people who have had a horrid morning due to this thread and the things it has brought up.

Don't delete the thread. Mumsnet is well indexed and SEO friendly - if you google "Is taking photos at a funeral weird" it already comes up. Maybe people will read it and, instead of judging their actions, will have some compassion for the various ways people deal with grief.

to all those who have lost children. I can't imagine and know that nothing I can write can make a difference, but didn't want to ignore the pain.

Please don't get the thread deleted just because you've been shown up as a complete twat.
What a cowardly thing to do.
Own your shitty opinions I say.
And read and reread posts like Mrsdevere's and see what real courage and decency look like.

I photographed my mother in her coffin. She wasn't looking her best and she hated having her photo taken at the best of times

It was the last time I was ever going to see her. I did that when we were alone. I would not share them, I don't even want to look at them, but I would not delete them.

I dressed my best at her funeral. No one took my photo but people complimented me on my appearance. I didn't find that odd, in fact it cheered me up a little and she'd have liked it too.

I had my brother in law photograph my daughters funeral, as others have said it was one of the most important days in my life and a significant event for my family, it will allow me to share with my children as they grow older and understand better.

I've seen photos of my grandmothers funeral, she died young in the 70s before I was born and it's just part of the whole story of my grandmother my mum has shared with us over the years.

Facebook, nope can't get worked up about it, we all grieve differently an use social media differently.

I also have to admit that I have views about mourning and funerals with which others would not agree.

I do not like graves that have anything other than a stone that is either a religious symbol or a non-religious slab and fresh flowers.

Therefore we have chosen a part of the cemetery where only that is allowed. If people wish to commemorate their dead in other ways they can choose another bit.

That way my austerity and their exuberance does not offend.

When my dad died my mum was really keen on putting him next to a 19 year old boy who'd died in the same week. My dad liked young people and she thought they'd get on, rather than him being next to old farts .

The cemetery manager discreetly explained that the boy's family would create a shrine around his grave that my mum might find intolerable. He was absolutely right. The grave's appearance would offend my mum and now she is there, would offend me.

So she chose somewhere else and now she is there too. It's a nice spot. She always said it had a good view, which it does

I think it is so sad that one person's way of grieving or a grave can offend another person.

I have reported this thread a few hours ago. HQ have just got back to me saying they won't be deleting it as they don't feel it is offensive and no one else, beside me, has reported it.
I won't be returning to it though and apologise again for any offence and upset it had caused anyone.

I can't get riled about this, everyone grieves differently and there is no correct way to do it.

I was in work once and a colleague wanted to show me a picture of her 6 year old granddaughter. I was very shocked to discover a portrait picture of the dgd in a coffin with the extended family sitting around it absolutely distraught. It was the most bizarre photo anyone has ever taken out of their purse to show me.

^Sorry meant to add that it was bizarre to me as it was a shock to see a pic like that with no warning, not criticizing their decision to do that.

Taking cards from the flowers is the norm I think, my grandad died 26 years ago and we still have the cards from his flowers and the undertakers took the cards off of my dad's flowers and gave them to us in a special envelope. I did take photos of the hearse and the the coffin with a card my children had made to go with their grandad. The photos were to show my children who were not attending the funeral but were asking questions. Like the photos I took of my dad after the stroke, they are for personal reference and only shown to a select few.
I did feel a little odd at my cousins taking a photo behind me of them all as everyone was coming out of the crematorium, I felt they could have perhaps waited until later at the wake but such is life. Judging others on how they grieve is very distasteful and some of the comments on this thred are awful and very judgemental. There is no right way to deal with grief.

Not really oddlylogical. I'm sure you get offended by things that don't bother me. It's what you say and do in response that counts.

I took my video camera to my father's funeral as I wanted the whole thing on tape but I thought it would be unlikely it would feel appropriate to get it out and it wasn't. I recorded a little bit at home before the funeral and a few seconds in the funeral car. I wanted the recorded memory of it and I would have preferred a full recording of it but it was not appropriate and I didn't go ahead.

We all have different views. One of my best photos ever was taken by my midwife at my home birth. I am standing up knees slightly bent, almost naked and the head and shoulders of my son are half out of my vagina. In the background I am also doing a poo. I think this is one of the most wonderful photos on the planet and the children think it's disgusting. We all have different views on these things but need not to upset others as a priority - so of course I don't go round showing that photo and of course I didn't start snapping away at my parents' funerals.

I'm not surprised your children though it was disgusting

One of my best photos ever was taken by my midwife at my home birth. I am standing up knees slightly bent, almost naked and the head and shoulders of my son are half out of my vagina. In the background I am also doing a poo.

I hope for your children's sake that this one is in an album rather than over the mantel piece :-)

I just remembered that my grandfather's entire funeral was recorded (by a wedding photographer). I don't think there is anything distasteful about recording a funeral at all.