For thinking taking photos at a funeral is weird

[Singsongsungagain]

Seriously. Today on my FB page two seperate individuals have been to a funeral. I know this because both have posted posed photos of themselves dressed in black at cemeteries. There's an "arty" photo of a single flower on someone's knee. Last year, an acquaintance of mine sadly suffered the death of her young child. A horrific experience I have no doubt. Why then post posed pictures of yourself/others standing near the coffin?!

I just find it in really poor taste. I'm fortunate enough to not have been to too many funerals in my life but have never dreamed of taking photos!

Am I unreasonable or is this strange?

As sad as this sounds for my family funerals are the only time the whole family comes together.

I we generally take pictures at the wake.

I think its odd too. Some things are best allowed to fade in the memory.

I take photos to remind me of something, to give me a fond memory of a good time in life. I'd certainly not want to be reminded of my son's funeral. It wasn't a 'celebration' ffs, it was the single most horrendous thing that had ever happened to me. Why oh why would I want a photo of the day I buried him?

It's a cultural thing.
A colleague showed me photos of her Mum's funeral in Africa (included photos of her dead Mum), and was pointing out her relatives as if they were holiday photos. I found it a bit strange & sort of commented that her mum looked peaceful & the clothes they were all wearing were beautiful (big brightly coloured traditional headscarves & dresses). We then laughed at how different funerals here & in her home country are.

We took photos of our babies coffin and flowers and told mourners they could if they wished but we requested no photos at the actual graveside.

Two years later I discover by accident a photo that SIL took of myself and my DH stood alone at the graveside after we requested a few minutes alone for a final goodbye. It was taken at a distance while just the two of us were stood at the most vulnerable time of our entire lives in the deepest grief possible. MIL apparently told her not to but she thought we may like to see it sometime.

I have absolutely struggled to tolerate this fucking piss poor excuse of a person ever since.

I should add if we hadn't said anything then fair enough but the fact she ignored our request with something so incredibly bloody sensitive just makes me thunderously angry at the lack of respect.

The Victorians had a culture surrounding death that would make most of us very uncomfortable. Social norms are constantly changing. I might be surprised by photos taken at a funeral but it's none of my business how people choose to grieve.

Are you seriously judging a parent who lost their child for posting pictures of the funeral?

Preciousxbane - I am sorry for your loss. Yes, I can understand how it would make you feel about your SIL - she has no sense of judgement whatsoever.

After my uncle's funeral I took photos of family at the wake as, despite the sadness of the occasion, we were reminiscing and raising a glass to his memory and it was one of the few times all the family were together.

I'm very glad I did as I got a lovely photo of my dad who has since passed away and it was one of the last photos of him since he didn't like having photos taken when he was ill.

I wouldn't judge someone for taking photos if the family was OK with it. People process things in different ways. The acquaintance of yours who took photos of her young child's funeral will be missing out on so many moments and memories of that child in future, don't judge them for wanting photos of their final time with their child.

I have my great grandmothers photographs - there are a lot of her mother's grave, and of others. Some are taken shortly after burial. I also have photographs of the great grandmother's funeral - she was laid to rest with my great grandad, and the family lined the plot with fresh grasses and roses and snowdrops. It was so wonderfully beautiful and something we as a family would want to remember, so we have photographs of the inside of the plot. They were all taken very discretely, my mum was asked to take them, and only relatives have copies. It's never seemed odd to us - to my family, a funeral is a celebration that the person had a life (no matter what sort) and that (in our beliefs) they're now off to Heaven, so to see a funeral as something you'd want to remember would come naturally to us.

Thinking about it I have a lot of funeral photographs - have photos of gravesides, photos of family churchyard (only Catholic Church in a very rural part of highlands, most of the graves are family), photos of people standing at graves including seven year old me standing at my gt granddads, my dad at his mums. I've never really seen it as odd.

A photo of a filled in grave is different. It is the photos of people who are grieving at a funeral that's odd.

A couple of years ago, a good friend died very suddenly. Her DC were then 12,14 and 16. They had a photographer at the funeral. Terribly discrete and experienced, no photos of sobbing people, but they beautifully capture the setting, the flowers, the candles and the love and support in the church.

They gain great comfort from being able to look back to a day they don't actually really remember.

I can remember my Dad's funeral as though it were yesterday, but it was actually over 20 years ago. At least I think I can. Maybe I have forgotten some aspect of it, but that would be a good thing because it was one of the most painful days of my life.

I had aunts wanting to take photos of myself and my cousins at my Dad funeral, ok, thought it odd but kind of got guilted into it as it was the first time since we were kids we've all been in same room, turns out she wanted to recreate some photo she had of us when we were children and was quite offended that I didn't want to kneel on floor while my male cousins pretended to pull my pigtails, it wasn't fucking funny when they did it when I was 5, it's defiantly not funny now I'm 35 ffs.

She took snaps of everything, she's a semi pro photographer and step mum has asked her to take photos of everything, everything, dad's body in chapel of rest, the lot, so she ended up pissed off with me refusing any photos of me after the ridiculous pigtail request. I'm at my dad's funeral, people can take pics if they want, but not of me.

Aunt was there again at the scattering of ashes, taking selfie style shots of stepmum, step brother, herself etc next the ashes laid out in a cross style, again, my refusal was offensive and hurtful. The poor undertaker didn't know where the fuck to look.

I refused to look at the album, I appreciate they may have brought her comfort, but I didn't see dad's body as it was upsetting, I don't want to see a photo if it either, and I won't be emotionally blackmailed into looking at it. It's great it brings her peace. It would have opposite on me.

Step mums dog died few years later and I really angered her as I tried to stop a "service" at which she planned to sprinkle the dogs ashes on the same spot. Now that is offensive, she knew it was illegal and disrespectful to every other person scattered there, she went ahead and did it anyway and brother said pics were all over Facebook (I'd cut contact by this point).

I can laugh at how ridiculous it is now, but at the time it was very upsetting.
Sorry for all of you who have lost loved ones

Taking photos of people I don't think is on. My parents do this - they took photos of the flowers which I think is fine, as they are very nice. But at my grandad's funeral they asked someone to take a photo of me, them and my sister together. I thought it was very odd - smiling at my grandfather's funeral seemed wrong but then who wants a photo of your family looking sullen? So we all smiled but I thought it was weirdly inappropriate.

The worst thing is when my dad actually took a photo of my grandmother's coffin in the grave! I pulled him up on it and asked what on earth he was doing. What exactly are you going to do with a photo of a coffin in a grave - you're hardly going to put it in the family photo album! I even said to my mum is that really how you want to remember your mother? My sister was actually really distressed by it and begged my dad to delete it, which he did. My parents like taking photos of everything but I thought it was so very, very weird.

I think I can sort of understand why a grieving family may wish to have a photo momento during such an occasion, of flowers, candles and so on, though it wouldn't be for me. As has been stated, people like to remember in different ways.
However, I think a contrived photo or selfie posted on FB, in black funeral outfits, prior to leaving the house, as the OP describes, is just completely attention seeking. It's a post that's begging for lots of admiring comments and "Hope you're ok hun!" with every response.
So no, OP, in my opinion, YANBU.

Just spotted that the contrived pics were taken at the cemeteries.
I find that even more but then I'm probably too old to 'get' it.

At the burial, it's weird. At the wake, I don't think it's weird. It's just a family gathering. The gathering after my mother's funeral was great. I saw people I hadn't seen in decades. I wouldn't have thought twice about any photos of them or us together.

I can wrap my head around people wanting photos at a wake - sometimes it's the only time you get all of the family under one roof. I can kind of understand the deceased's nearest and dearest taking photos at/of the funeral.

But sticking them on FB, even an arty farty rose on the knee, no doubt with instagram type filters on them and 'checked in' as if you've gone for a cheeky Nando's. That's just grim.

I had my husbands funeral videoed. I knew I wouldn't remember much of it and I didn't. I also thought it would be nice for our children, although they attended they are young and would forget it in time. I'm glad I did, it was such a lovely celebration of my husbands life and I would have hated to have lost that memory and all the amazing things people said about him. If people think thats odd thats their problem.

I find it odd too.

A friend of mine had been to a relative's funeral, later that day there were photos on FB of her and her sister falling down laughing with drinks in their hands.

In the background was an elderly lady crying.

They thought it was fine to post to FB as they were having such a jolly time at the wake.

A few years back now I visited a friend shortly after her mum had died. She showed me photos of the funeral, including ones of her mum in the open casket. And also pictures of her and other family members stood next to the open casket with the body in shot. I found that very strange and quite disturbing.

I went to a funeral earlier this year and was asked by the husband of the woman who'd died to take photos of the flowers and of people enjoying the wake.

She was a much loved member of our club and the husband was kind enough to say that he appreciated the photos of people sharing their memories of his beloved wife.

We have photos of my mother's funeral.
She requested it - she knew she was terminally ill and wanted to help the DGC (then all under 10) understand about death. They were very helpful - we could talk about GM dying, and how we had a funeral to say goodbye to her body. But then we took all the DGC to the funeral - including a 6 week old, 15 month old, and a couple of preschoolers. Again, at her request.