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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that there is a serious lack of perspective on mn now to the point it is not actually possible to have a decent discussion any more?

472 replies

wannaBe · 26/11/2015 14:29

Yes, thread inspired by lots of threads but provoked by the flaming I have just had on one in particular. But not a thread about that particular thread.

It seems lately that it is impossible to have an actual discussion on mn without someone either misinterpreting, misreading, twisting, or generally overreacting to everything

Example: poster starts a lighthearted thread about something which it should be obvious that it is lighthearted. A few posts in someone decides to take it very seriously and give the op a flaming. A few more posts in and someone suggests the thread title should be edited by mn hq to ensure people realise it's lighthearted, even though the subject was something like "ibu to burn the house down because I found a spider in the bathroom?"

Or: "ibu to think it's the end of the world because dh ate the chocolate?" response: "there are children dying in the world how dare you even post about chocolate," meant very seriously.

And yes, on the thread I was just on, recounting an incident 35 years ago where my cousin sent out fake invitations to a party unbeknowns to his parents and children turned up. Shock obviously mortifying at the time but 35 years on it's something that his friends remember and laugh at, something which was brought up in his best man's wedding speech, and yes, something which 35 years on is amusing in a "OMG his parents were mortified," way. And yet I have just been told I am sick in the head for finding children's utter devastation over a party they didn't attend 35 years ago amusing.

Mn has always been supportive but has also always had a reputation for being amusing, funny, lighthearted etc, but it is rapidly losing that reputation IMO.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 26/11/2015 19:00

It is different lately.

AIBU has always been harsh but I've not seen people twisting stuff and sometimes making something up just to have an argument to the extent it is happening now.

The treatment men can get is just an embarrassment. A lot of the feminist arguments are an embarrassment because often it ends up with women turning on women if they don't agree with every issue.

There are also a few very noticeable posters who reply in an aggressive manner in every thread they post on.

We can all be overly harsh at times I'm sure, me included, but some treat it as a sport.

Mrsfrumble · 26/11/2015 19:03

But with the "worst thing" thread, there was only really one poster who seemed unrepentant and proud. Everyone else acknowledged what they'd done was awful (even though there were extenuating circumstances in some cases) so didn't really need randoms coming along and telling them so. And yes, some were shocking, but what would be the point of the thread if people weren't going to be brutally honest?

Chippednailvarnish · 26/11/2015 19:07

Probably a glittery glass lover I fucking love the FB glittery shit thread--

I think MN would improved by not allowing name changing and making each star sign have it's own talk section. The scorpios could tear each other to pieces and not care whilst the Leos could talk each other to death and not notice Grin

ghostspirit · 26/11/2015 19:09

mrsfrumble that was my thread... what i found mad was how of track it went. even my dyslexia was bought up and implyed it may be an act. yep i have kept it up all that time on every post i have ever written for how ever long i have been here.. haha :P

handslikecowstits · 26/11/2015 19:09

some treat it as a sport

This ^.

handslikecowstits · 26/11/2015 19:10

scorpios could tear each other to pieces

We would care though, just pretend not to. Grin

Chippednailvarnish · 26/11/2015 19:13

I wouldn't!

exWifebeginsat40 · 26/11/2015 19:19

as someone diagnosed with BPD I am taken aback by the vitriol the mere acronym sets off. any attempt to explain how it is living with this is shot down by people screaming about how you can never, ever trust anyone with BPD as they are lying, cheating manipulators. it's really nasty at times.

the problem with the Internet is that you can hear what everyone else is thinking. I think I preferred it before.

Mrsfrumble · 26/11/2015 19:19

ghostspirit I had to stop reading after a few pages, but up to that point I thought you were being amazingly patient and gracious given the tone of some of the posts.

southeastastra · 26/11/2015 19:22

mn has been as the op described for ages now. it's just dull most of the time. people being vile to each other then running to hq when someone posts something a little un pc. there is no discussion just deletions. i do blame aibu for most of it

AngelSparks · 26/11/2015 19:24

If they take away the name change then trolls will simply reply register with different details - it's not hard

I name change a fair bit, purely because I don't want goady posters following me around. I've been called names, and had my words twisted

Owllady · 26/11/2015 19:26

Oh star signs! I feel a Sheldon quote coming on........

The Big Bang Theory - Sheldon's view on Astrology
penny: okay - i'm a sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.
sheldon: yes - it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.
penny: participate-in-the-what?

ghostspirit · 26/11/2015 19:27

mrsfrimble thank you. :) i cant really be horrible back. i cant back it up as it just does not come to me.

but i do think there should be some sort of control on the name changing thing though. i think it allows people to get nasty. but i do think it should be allowed if for a good reason.

i name chaged once and everyone knew who i was buy about the 5 post haha. never mind. but i dont really like to hide anyway.

Mintyy · 26/11/2015 19:28

Wannabe, I think Mumsnet has been as you describe for at least a couple of years. There was a massive influx of arseholes after Penis Beaker went viral. There was probably a massive influx of absolutely lovely people as well - trouble is, Mumsnet is just HUGE now and it is difficult to connect with people. It is difficult to type anything without some miserable sod coming along and spoiling it all.

There really aren't all that many people from ye olde dayes of MN posting any more. Some would say that's a good thing! But I do miss the chats and larfs and that.

LumelaMme · 26/11/2015 19:29

I'm worried about the politics - claig agreed with something I wrote yesterday!
Oh Med! I'd worry too!

I agree about posters tearing into that poor bloke who was worried about his GF: people obviously jumped onto that thread thinking they knew what he was saying from a quick scan of the title and piled in regardless of what he actually asked. It was horrible. But I haven't been on on MN long enough to judge how much its changed.

OTheHugeManatee · 26/11/2015 19:30

YANBU OP. Brittle egos and virtue signalling. I mean, it's had the virtue signalling as long as I've been here but the egos are definitely more delicate and the cry-bully factor has gone up.

ghostspirit · 26/11/2015 19:34

it would be really nice if there was a thread that was just for a laugh and made everyone smile. without any negitive crap

Sparklingbrook · 26/11/2015 19:36

I agree with Mintyy. If that's ok that is. It feels like you aren't allowed to agree with people even any more. Sad

I used to start loads of chats and larfs threads. Not any more, never sure of the reaction.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 26/11/2015 19:38

I started using mn regularly maybe about six months ago. Iv definitely noticed in the last month or so at least that people seem very serious and just biting for a fight! Weird.

ArmchairTraveller · 26/11/2015 19:39

'And yet I have just been told I am sick in the head for finding children's utter devastation over a party they didn't attend 35 years ago amusing.'

35 years ago, we wouldn't have found it devastating, traumatic or even unkind. Blown away by the audacity possibly. Many children and parents seem a lot more delicate and sensitive than 30 or 40 years ago.

Maryz · 26/11/2015 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gowgirl · 26/11/2015 19:42

I guess Nye is going to be a bust this year....

IwishIwasinNewYork · 26/11/2015 19:44

Oh come on you glum bunch of luvverly old mumsnetters, it's not that bad!

We've had these threads for years and you're all still here!

Start some silly freds if you want to and ignore the POs.

ArmchairTraveller · 26/11/2015 19:44

Maryz, you used the C word and IT'S ONLY NOVEMBER!
The End Of Times is approaching...

Maryz · 26/11/2015 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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