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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that there is a serious lack of perspective on mn now to the point it is not actually possible to have a decent discussion any more?

472 replies

wannaBe · 26/11/2015 14:29

Yes, thread inspired by lots of threads but provoked by the flaming I have just had on one in particular. But not a thread about that particular thread.

It seems lately that it is impossible to have an actual discussion on mn without someone either misinterpreting, misreading, twisting, or generally overreacting to everything

Example: poster starts a lighthearted thread about something which it should be obvious that it is lighthearted. A few posts in someone decides to take it very seriously and give the op a flaming. A few more posts in and someone suggests the thread title should be edited by mn hq to ensure people realise it's lighthearted, even though the subject was something like "ibu to burn the house down because I found a spider in the bathroom?"

Or: "ibu to think it's the end of the world because dh ate the chocolate?" response: "there are children dying in the world how dare you even post about chocolate," meant very seriously.

And yes, on the thread I was just on, recounting an incident 35 years ago where my cousin sent out fake invitations to a party unbeknowns to his parents and children turned up. Shock obviously mortifying at the time but 35 years on it's something that his friends remember and laugh at, something which was brought up in his best man's wedding speech, and yes, something which 35 years on is amusing in a "OMG his parents were mortified," way. And yet I have just been told I am sick in the head for finding children's utter devastation over a party they didn't attend 35 years ago amusing.

Mn has always been supportive but has also always had a reputation for being amusing, funny, lighthearted etc, but it is rapidly losing that reputation IMO.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 27/11/2015 09:01

haha

M4blues · 27/11/2015 09:07

I agree wholeheartedly but the main issue I see is people piling in on an op saying utter shit they'd never dream of in real life. Stuff like the thread where the cafe owner asked for payment because the op's child drunk the milk from the milk jug. Yes she was technically liable and yes 'what if everyone did it' but really, if you'd been out with her that day your only reaction souls have been WTF!
Or you say something nasty has happened or a child has behaved in an unacceptable way and you're asked whether you can verify that the person doesn't have a hidden SN. As the mother of a child with SN I think it's a ridiculous thing to keep harping on about.

However, I'm utterly stunned that MNHQ are allowing this thread to stand when the op makes clear at the start which thread inspired her to write this one. Yet, a TA looking for support who states that her thread is about a thousand other threads rather than one, had her thread deleted.
Maybe MNHQ can explain the policy in this?

M4blues · 27/11/2015 09:11

12 bloody years here and every year since about 2007 I think I can't be arsed, this is too much hard work.

usual · 27/11/2015 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

originalmavis · 27/11/2015 09:16

I think I met hully. Was it at a cheese doo?

M4blues · 27/11/2015 09:17

Really? I don't remember it being a troll thread. Not that it matters. Posters still gave the same views. Which I really believe very few would spout to a friend recalling her cafe treatment.

SurferJet · 27/11/2015 09:27

Mintyy I know it's not forum etiquette to mention something that happened on another thread, & normally I wouldn't dream of doing it. but I've just read a post of yours on here & I feel I must comment.
A week or so ago I started a really boring thread about toilet roll, it was lighthearted & jolly until you came along, said something sarcastic ( something like "how interesting Hmm ) & buggered off.
I know I should have said something to you at the time but I thought it best to just ignore you. But seeing you on here complaining about people doing exactly what you did is too much for me not to comment.
Anyway. I've said it now.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 27/11/2015 09:34

MN is a strange mixture.

Overreactions to small things.

Rudeness to OPs looking for support.

Suggestions that someone's husband must be having affair because he got stressed out.

Posts about eugenics and far right racist posts totally ignored.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 27/11/2015 09:37

Or you say something nasty has happened or a child has behaved in an unacceptable way and you're asked whether you can verify that the person doesn't have a hidden SN. As the mother of a child with SN I think it's a ridiculous thing to keep harping on about.

Insistence on keeping NT and SN separate whereas it's all part of the rich tapestry of life.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 27/11/2015 09:39

A post about mobile phone covers can receive the harshest responses but one like "the world would be better without people with downs syndrome in it" is ignored.

Seriously weird IMO.

M4blues · 27/11/2015 09:39

Not sure about rich tapestry. In our house it's more like a wet Picasso has fallen in a hedge!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 27/11/2015 09:41

I agree M4.

I strongly feel people mentioning hidden sN in a thread are just doing it because their child had the same behaviour and they want to raise awareness so people don't think their kids are brats though. I think MN is harsh on these people.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 27/11/2015 09:43

Have had vile abuse for mentioning disability and inclusion often.

Yet posters call people looking for support pathetic and tell them to get a grip, or are racist. Ignored.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 27/11/2015 09:43

Just my view on MN anyway.

Would quite like to be not flamed today

Sparklingbrook · 27/11/2015 09:48

I ignore some threads because I see the title and think well I don't fancy a bunfight about that, which I know it will turn into. Maybe others do the same? Better to hide them than get involved.

usual · 27/11/2015 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 27/11/2015 09:49

Maybe that's partly it sparkling. Am sure not everyone hides lots of threads though.

M4blues · 27/11/2015 09:49

But it's like the old MN classic of parent and toddler spaces. In RL, the overwhelming majority of people think they're a good thing. Very useful esp for parents with 2 under 5. Most people think those who abuse them are selfish idiots. Yet MN feels the need to flame the new poster who hadn't searched and wants to discuss the the fact that there was s white transit van parked in one whilst the 2 blokes up front ate their lunch. Cue a bingo of 'well we managed just fine 95yrs ago' and 'I park in them with my DS age 14 do there'. And again, someone always has to one in and mention disabled spaces even if the thread hasn't hinted at them at all.

As the mother of a child with asd, I know only too well how disability means that disabled spaces are sacrosanct. I know very well that they are vital whereas P&T spaces are just useful. But it just causes the thread to collapse under a heap. Sure, sometimes an op has been an idiot and companies about s BB holder using a child space but more often than not she's just asking why we can't also realise how useful they are for getting 2 or 3 young children out the car safely. In RL everyone sees this. Here, not so much.

usual · 27/11/2015 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 27/11/2015 09:52

I have never discussed P&C parking in RL ever. I am amazed how many threads there are about it. I think most people know how to use them without a MN lecture.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 27/11/2015 09:52

I agree M4. But don't think people should not be allowed to mention disability on any thread.

It should be OK to be part of any discussion and not prohibited. It's not separate from general life. It's just some people's experiences of parking spaces.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 27/11/2015 09:52

Some people here are disabled. Or only have disabled kids. They should be allowed to contribute their views and not accused of derailing thread.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 27/11/2015 09:53

Anyway I don't want to be accused of derailing thread or being SN brigade etc etc so am off to do my shopping

M4blues · 27/11/2015 09:56

Yes there's a lot of abuse towards posters who mention disability often. I tend not to because my MN couldn't cope with having to fight for him in RL and on MN.

Disabled toilets and disabled spaces? I genuinely find that most people understand how vital they are but you always get some idiot who sees there own 'right' to park where they want trumps the need for that space by someone who will need to go home if that space isn't available. Mothers with 2yr olds having a quick wee in the disabled loo whist (crucial) they hold the door open to keep an eye out for free June need, I don't get het up about, especially if they have a pram that won't go into the standard toilets. But it's the attitude of those who feel they have 'as much right' to use that loo when they are perfectly able to walk to the other one that shows me that some people are just contemptuous.

M4blues · 27/11/2015 09:59

I agree Fanjo! The worst thing for me is when DS3 is ignored. Or when people try to pretend there's nothing wrong because autism makes them feel uncomfortable.

I'm reminded at my horror when I read how many people had petitioned the BBC to take Cerrie off CBeebies because her disability made the feel uncomfortable! Unfuckingbelievable!

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