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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that there is a serious lack of perspective on mn now to the point it is not actually possible to have a decent discussion any more?

472 replies

wannaBe · 26/11/2015 14:29

Yes, thread inspired by lots of threads but provoked by the flaming I have just had on one in particular. But not a thread about that particular thread.

It seems lately that it is impossible to have an actual discussion on mn without someone either misinterpreting, misreading, twisting, or generally overreacting to everything

Example: poster starts a lighthearted thread about something which it should be obvious that it is lighthearted. A few posts in someone decides to take it very seriously and give the op a flaming. A few more posts in and someone suggests the thread title should be edited by mn hq to ensure people realise it's lighthearted, even though the subject was something like "ibu to burn the house down because I found a spider in the bathroom?"

Or: "ibu to think it's the end of the world because dh ate the chocolate?" response: "there are children dying in the world how dare you even post about chocolate," meant very seriously.

And yes, on the thread I was just on, recounting an incident 35 years ago where my cousin sent out fake invitations to a party unbeknowns to his parents and children turned up. Shock obviously mortifying at the time but 35 years on it's something that his friends remember and laugh at, something which was brought up in his best man's wedding speech, and yes, something which 35 years on is amusing in a "OMG his parents were mortified," way. And yet I have just been told I am sick in the head for finding children's utter devastation over a party they didn't attend 35 years ago amusing.

Mn has always been supportive but has also always had a reputation for being amusing, funny, lighthearted etc, but it is rapidly losing that reputation IMO.

OP posts:
Ubik1 · 26/11/2015 23:12

I've been here since 2004.

I miss the funny threads where people were flippant and funny. I'm not funny very often so I really appreciate other people having a laugh. It used to be a great read.

So many threads are really humdrum. Or downright nasty in a self righteous holier- than -thou sanctimonious way.

I

Quiero · 26/11/2015 23:18

Sanctimonious is about right, there's a lot of that about.

There's nowt wrong with things moving on and new people. Things should move on. It's more the shift in ethos - although we've been banging on about this shit for years, even before the PB thread.

Whilst we are harking back to the past. There is someone missing from this thread who would have popped up by now and bollocked us for the MN gorn to the dawgs chat.

Sparklingbrook · 26/11/2015 23:21

Yes but not mentionling anyone by name and claiming to not notice usernames Quiero. Wink

BowlOfCereals · 26/11/2015 23:23

If I'm looking for advice, I prefer to search on MN than post a new topic, and I'm a little afraid of contributing to active posts in case I'm vilified.

Before this discussion came up, I was thinking of steering clear of AIBU for a while. I've found more interesting and informative discussions browsing specific topics

Quiero · 26/11/2015 23:28

Bowl - are you a reasonable person with reasonable thoughts? If so, please do post because you might be the one who tips the balance back into sanity.

If all reasonable people get frightened to post the idiots will run amok!

You'll toughen up...just remember, in the words of a MN legend, it's just words on a screen.

Sparklingbrook · 26/11/2015 23:32

There's always a better topic than AIBU if its proper advice you are after. Some people never venture out of it. Confused

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 26/11/2015 23:45

Words on a screen queiro. Trust nae fucker.

madhairday · 26/11/2015 23:56

I agree with this too. It's been a long time since I sat and read a thread through which brought me to tears of mirth and a sore tummy from belly laughing. Used to be a regular occurrence. And I've noticed the tone changing, a lot of self righteousness, piling in on OPS for the most spurious of reasons.

I've been here ages and have seen loads of these threads. But now I agree. It's not the same. Blah.

PerspicaciaTick · 27/11/2015 00:04

The lovely nest of vipers does seem to be suffering from an influx of pitbulls at the moment. Or maybe those little terriers that stand behind their garden gates and bark madly at passersby.

Wombat87 · 27/11/2015 00:14

Mad there was a brilliant one the other day regarding things you didn't realise you'd been doing wrong all this time - obviously the usual comments about "how could you be so stupid" popped up, but defiantly worth a read. Some crackers in there, I was howling with laughter.

I'm on a FB group for something totally not MN related - someone actually admitted to having multiple accounts and her friend did the same... And they'd basically goad the thread to an argument between their multiple profiles until others joined in. So sad are those that think that's a decent way to pass the time. Go find someone to give you a hug. It'll be okay Wink

HoneyDragon · 27/11/2015 00:15

It could be worse.....

BollocksToThat1 · 27/11/2015 00:15

Maybe op. Not sure on balance. Been here since 2007 and AIBU is often a bum fight with some twats posting but again some really funny threads too.

Comes in waves.

Wombat87 · 27/11/2015 00:21

Quiero I don't think I did. I was agreeing with the OP. Perhaps you missed the tone of my post.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 27/11/2015 00:30

Bum fight. Snigger.

VestaCurry · 27/11/2015 00:35

I've been on here since 2003 or so (name changed since then). There are tons more people which = tons more arseholes.

Wagglebees · 27/11/2015 01:22

Grin Bumfight!

kali110 · 27/11/2015 02:28

Sorry what was this invasion????
I've been here nearly 3 years.
I Used to love this place now most of the time i'm too scared to even post especially on certain threads as it's clear you can't have a different opinion!
For example I was on the thread about 'should men stay over on maternity wards'.
Not everyone will agree.
I said i could see it frombothsides, but i would prefer my dp to stay.
You'd Think i drown puppies the things some posters said to me,especially regarding my mental health.Sad
This site used to be a supportive place.
Now there are so many vile posters.
If you say something different to the majority then you're shouted down by some aggressive posters and made to feel wrong simply for not agreeing.

MistressDeeCee · 27/11/2015 03:12

If you say something different to the majority then you're shouted down by some aggressive posters and made to feel wrong simply for not agreeing

^ This

You just have to stand your ground, even when you know as soon as someone takes it upon themself to go into "reprimand" mode on you, loads of others will follow, with their comments getting goadier by the minute. Or as I sometimes do, just hop off thread leave them to it when it gets too ridiculous for words ie the whole thread seems to become about your response, not the what the OP has said.

Wombat87 · 27/11/2015 06:33

(I was joking about being able to take em). It's a good example though of how what happens when you write something, only you know you're joking. I'm defiantly not "well 'ard" (it's hard) but I do write stuff like that jokey ways. Except you don't know me right? You've no idea my pitch, tone, facial expression, because I'm behind a screen.

Most of the malice I've seen isn't even joking. It's some keyboard warrior having a pop at the OP or a PP just because they can.

Have a difference of opinion from me. Please do, it's how discussions happen and are made interesting - it's the spiteful, pointless comments and the ganging up that goes on just because they're hidden. I doubt (wouldn't like to think) that these people would be so confrontational in a face to face conversation.

No bum fight ladies. No bum fight Thanks

Limer · 27/11/2015 07:33

I agree to a point - AIBU is chock full of "YABU because...." responses just for the sake of it - I think some posters must have a library of more and more outrageous responses they post.

The professionally offended are never far away, there was a thread a while ago where someone got roundly chastised for using terms like imbecile, idiot and moron.

And if there's even a sniff of a bandwagon, the usual suspects pile on regardless. They even copy each others' replies - subconsciously I think, but you see comments such as "I would, in a heartbeat", repeated in only that single thread, mainly because posters have just read the other replies and that particular comment must be the one that impresses them most (no idea why, I hate it).

Limer · 27/11/2015 07:52

Oh and another thing. I love a good judgy thread, but they get invaded by the hand-wringing lefties and their excuses - "well that mum might have been evicted from her house which is why she's in Asda in her pyjamas" etc etc.

However, I'm delighted with the Facebook Glittery Shit threads, where judging seems to be compulsory [:D] Nobody says anything like "well the creator of those Santa-themed monstrosities might have undiagnosed learning difficulties and is just trying to make some extra money for her family, you should go and buy up her entire stock".

Toooldtobearsed · 27/11/2015 08:08

Have a difference of opinion from me. Please do, it's how discussions happen and are made interesting - it's the spiteful, pointless comments and the ganging up that goes on just because they're hidden. with knobs on.

Further up thread I saw a post about standing your ground when being responded to aggressively. The problem with is, it totally derails the whole thread and becomes a back and forward squabble between two people on a matter that bears no relation to the OP.

I don't post much. I will try to jump in to help, but usually there is already a string or replies that say what I want to say far better than I could. Sometimes, there is so much nastiness on the thread already that I just can't be arsed.

I have been here a couple of years and I do think it is worse, in a different way,. There has always been very straight talking people here, always been goady fuckers, always been super pedantics. The difference now is the smugnastiness that seems so pervasive.

OP - ' My DS has a leg hanging off - he fell from his scooter whilst eating a jam sandwich - what should I do?'
guarantees a response of
' What sort of mother do you call yourself? You should be ashamed! Jam? Jam?? who needs all that sugar? I am fucking fuming OP! I would guess you allow him white sliced bread too?'

In my head, such responders are smugnasticunts. There are a lot of smugnasticunts around at the moment.

Hullygully · 27/11/2015 08:46

I found Hully sometimes funny and incisive, and sometimes very passive aggressive and goady - it was subtle, but she'd post a thread which I felt prodded po posters just so that she go on a rant about the po posters and start a thread about it.

The key words in that questionable post are "I felt."

That was simply your interpretation which I would politely suggest says more about your modus than my intent.

I am not passive aggressive or goady. If I want to insult someone, believe me they'll know.

Samcro · 27/11/2015 08:54

i do love the gf on here who is trying to wind people up

Samcro · 27/11/2015 08:55

didn't mean you Hully