To think that there is a serious lack of perspective on mn now to the point it is not actually possible to have a decent discussion any more?

[wannaBe]

Yes, thread inspired by lots of threads but provoked by the flaming I have just had on one in particular. But not a thread about that particular thread.

It seems lately that it is impossible to have an actual discussion on mn without someone either misinterpreting, misreading, twisting, or generally overreacting to everything

Example: poster starts a lighthearted thread about something which it should be obvious that it is lighthearted. A few posts in someone decides to take it very seriously and give the op a flaming. A few more posts in and someone suggests the thread title should be edited by mn hq to ensure people realise it's lighthearted, even though the subject was something like "ibu to burn the house down because I found a spider in the bathroom?"

Or: "ibu to think it's the end of the world because dh ate the chocolate?" response: "there are children dying in the world how dare you even post about chocolate," meant very seriously.

And yes, on the thread I was just on, recounting an incident 35 years ago where my cousin sent out fake invitations to a party unbeknowns to his parents and children turned up. obviously mortifying at the time but 35 years on it's something that his friends remember and laugh at, something which was brought up in his best man's wedding speech, and yes, something which 35 years on is amusing in a "OMG his parents were mortified," way. And yet I have just been told I am sick in the head for finding children's utter devastation over a party they didn't attend 35 years ago amusing.

Mn has always been supportive but has also always had a reputation for being amusing, funny, lighthearted etc, but it is rapidly losing that reputation IMO.

Well, I suppose whether the thread has been left to stand largely depends on whether someone has reported it. And given this thread has been about the general tone rather than one thread in particular, and has remained largely civil I would be interested to see on what basis mn hq would delete it.

There's a vast difference between starting a thread which says "aibu to be fuming at the treatment I had on one thread, please all pile over here and give your support to me here rather than the thread in question," and one which does use certain examples to illustrate a point but is a general discussion, iyswim. Not unlike e.g. posts talking about the best/worst advice you've ever received on mn, or the most notorious flaming, or the funniest thread etc etc, all essentially taats but not in the same way.

I will say though that there is one area on mn where the tone has definitely changed for the better and that is bf/ff. I remember years ago any mention of ff would be instantly derailed by breastfeeding comments, posters being questioned as to why they didn't try, how they might like to do x and y in a very passive aggressive manner.

I was told that I was obviously mistaken that I never produced any milk, and should have been checked out medically to see why so I could have breastfed.

Now however the tone is very much more geared towards personal choice and anyone who tries to derail is generally ignored.

That's good to hear. I managed 6 miserable BF weeks many years ago. I wasnt on MN then and I thought that may have been a good thing IYKWIM.

I've been blaming the recent upsurge in nastiness on GF linked to Jeffrey. It's been such a pronounced shift that it seems more than the usual cycle of grumpiness.

Yes but also an air of suspicion. Are people what they seem? Jeffreygate was horrible and its understandable that people might be on their guard so to speak.

Yes I guess it depends whether it's rrported. But the op of the deleted thread didn't mention any other thread at all and was just about her general exhaustion so nothing directly related to the other thread. They deleted then there was 2 threads asking why and they said maybe they were hasty and maybe they should have read it! I was gobsmacked that they deleted a thread they hadn't read properly. As I said, I agree with the sentiment of this one but you mentioned another thread specifically in your op yet it stands? I'd just like to hear the MN reasoning for this. I don't think this thread should be deleted btw. So I won't be reporting. I just think there's double standards at play.

Yy that's true Sparkling . I read so many threads now like this

And I BF my kids easily for almost a year. Plenty of RL friends either started and switched or didn't bother at all. I have never met anyone in RL other than NCT officials who care how anyone else chooses to feed their baby. Only on MN was it like this.

Do you know I've been on MN for 10 years and have managed to never read a parent and child parking thread or a BF/FF thread.

However, I do love a good baby names thread.

You mean the ones which ask; Should I call my DS, Robert, James or Coconut?

I'd quite like something beside our user names that said when we joined. It would save all the 'I've NC for this thread' comments.

It's interesting how people perceive things. There are a couple of people on this thread who I would regard as aggressive and joyless MNers yet they're agreeing with the OP and lamenting the kinder days of Ye Olde Mumsnette.

HoundoftheBaskervilles - Brilliant post.

[sigh] I've been here ages as well but in the end the never ending gritted teeth behind pursed lip wank of it all got to me. I lost my old name after the Heartbleed bullshit, then lost my new NC to Jeffo so I would look all shiny and new but in fact I am all wrinkly and old.

Have been much baffled by MN over the past couple of years and this bafflement increases after every major influx of "noobs" - might join Gransnet and be a Newbie and cause my own weird kerfuffle.

YANBU YANBU YANBU

Even threads that are quite clearly meant to be funny and tongue in cheek are greeted with sour faced suspicion by some posters nowadays, who then run whinging to MNHQ like silly schoolkids.

I am fed up having to scrutinise the vocabulary of every post I make in case I inadvertently used a word that someone could, in a certain context, and if viewed at from some awkward and unlikely angle, find offensive.

There really are some self righteous, sanctimonious idiots posting on MN nowadays. The present themselves as compassionate and caring, but are really self absorbed, smug and totally incapable of laughing at themselves.

I think it predates hacker gate though. There really was a time when nearly every day there'd be some brilliantly satirical or witty thread on here, with everyone responding in kind. Now you can be almost guaranteed that some PO faced bellend will land in like a big lump of lead and pull the whole thing down.

I changed my posting style and I am more careful what I post after the hacking as I lost my username (very old deactivated email) I have no history people judge what I type on these words alone. Whereas before I could disagree with someone but because we have agreed so many times in the past and some names stick it fine to agree to disagree. With a new name I notice that some who would consider my posts before are now more likely to jump on the disagreement or totally ignore.

I've been on MN for about 11 years now and I'm pretty sure it's been going downhill since then. Coincidence?

i think what someone said upthread about there being an influx of annoying yappy terriers that jump at fences making aggressive noises just about sums it up.

Makes me want to reach over and smack them on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and tell them to pipe down... only when you do, instead they bite the newspaper and growl at it until you have to either abandon or call for help...

WannaBe

Completely agree re breast feeding.

There has been a huge change - a U turn almost - on that front.

I remember threads where people were being torn to threads for admitting they formula fed and anyone who didn't bf would say it was for medical reasons, they didn't dare say they just didn't want to (I'm sure many of the medical reasons were true btw!).

The moldies threads must use up most of the storage for the site - there were hundreds!

I agree Usual. What you see nowadays on a lot of threads is ignorant sneering, which some posters confuse with wit and humour. They're two totally separate things.

I sometimes wonder if MNHQ focus on the wrong things to censor. Deliberate twisting of an OP's words, nasty personal comments, or jumping on a pleasant easy going thread with the obvious intention of starting a row seem to pass ignored. And yet they will sometimes intervene on a fairly innocuous thread over something very tiny.