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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Offered a lift, everyone assumed it would be free...now what?

281 replies

liftissues · 25/11/2015 20:07

I've been on here for years but have NC for this thread as it's pretty identifying (if any of my friends are on MN - possible - and I'd rather they didn't know my normal posting name!)

I'm out with some female friends this weekend - we're going for a few drinks/meal etc in a nearby town, about 5-6 miles away. A cab would be a minimum of £15. There's about 8-10 of us going in all.

Anyway, I mentioned it to my boyfriend, who said he'd give me and another 3 friends (he's got a normal 5 seater, so that's all that will fit) a lift into town. He's not working at the moment, and hasn't been for the last 6-8 weeks - he's waiting for a contract to start which should be early in the NY, and although he has some savings, obviously they are starting to dwindle away slowly, especially with Xmas coming up - so he said could we give him a tenner? (so still a lot less than a cab) which seemed fair to me.

I dropped the 3 friends who live nearest a group text letting them know about the lift - but I didn't mention the £10. Now they've all assumed it's free, and have said they'll split cab fares with the others who have to get a cab (but that I don't need to chip in).

In a sense it's not an issue, I can afford to give my bloke the £10 myself - and not mention it to either him or them - but I'm just thinking what if they mention it in the car? I don't want them to feel bad for not offering him any money, or him to feel bad for asking, but I think if I go back now, when they've told all the others and agreed to split their fares it's just going to be a right mess.

WIBU to keep quiet? Or what else should I do?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 26/11/2015 07:47

Btw what cabs are you taking for £15 for a 5-6 mile journey Confused. I regularly take licences mini cabs, for a 5/6 mile journey, I pay between £7.50-£8.

Sallystyle · 26/11/2015 07:48

keep him going!

Aeroflotgirl · 26/11/2015 07:53

Exactly U2, he could get a causual job or something to tide him over until his new job starts, not ask money from friends for a one off journey!

diddl · 26/11/2015 08:07

If he would give you a lift, what difference does it make if he also takes a couple of your friends?

Original poster
liftissues · 26/11/2015 08:12

There's no need for concern Hmm. What a load of tosh. Save your concern for those who need it.

I'm not going to tell him he's being a dick because he isn't! I can see that conversation 'ok boyfriend some anons on a forum who may or may not be women/ hairy handed truckers/ deliberate wind up merchants have said they think you're a dick..' Yeah, right.

I don't think it's not on. If I had, I'd have said so when he suggested it. We were talking about the night out, I said I'd have to check the cab arrangements/ book one myself and he said why dont I take you all...etc. It's not the case ( as a PP seemed to think) he was already taking me anyway, but once my friends were added then insisted on charging.

Have I given people money for lifts? Yes. Last year I was going with a friend to an event - cabs were £30 each way. Her DP said he'd drive us there for £20, which we were happy to agree. Another friend (not in this group) regularly drops people at the nearest airport - and they pay her about £25-30 (a cab would be £40-45).

The cab charge is standard here - when we go to another venue 3 miles away, that's always £11-12. I believe they charge extra for stops - 4 of us so that's 3 stops, as well as the initial pick up.

OP posts:
FatalFemme · 26/11/2015 08:15

A few months ago I drove a complete stranger 250 miles to a mutual friends wedding. She didn't offer me a bloody penny. I should've taken a leaf out of your boyfriends book.

Only1scoop · 26/11/2015 08:15

Then if you are so loud and proud about all this lift charging why are you pussyfooting around it all? I don't understand the problem.

ChristmasEvePJs · 26/11/2015 08:18

Drip drip drip... so now all your group charge inflated prices for lifts. Why are you worried about asking them if its so normal then?

cleaty · 26/11/2015 08:21

I have never ever known anyone charging for lifts. I have offered and given petrol money, but even then it is rare that anyone accepts it.

This isn't a lift though. This is a cheap unlicensed mini cab.

NerrSnerr · 26/11/2015 08:25

So what's the issue then? If you all charge for lifts then just tell them? I still think it's odd that your boyfriend would charge you and that the situation worried you so much you asked random people on a forum instead of just talking to him about it.

middlings · 26/11/2015 08:27

OP, I'm afraid I'm in the YABU camp. I've given people, and have been given lifts, all over! I wouldn't dream of asking anyone for/or giving anyone money. That's just weird.

Costacoffeeplease · 26/11/2015 08:28

I can't believe he had the brass neck to suggest he gets paid, that you agreed to it, and that you then didn't tell your friends - it's all so odd. Either it's perfectly normal, in which case, why didn't you mention it in the first place - or it's bloody ridiculous.

I know which I think it is

Twinklestein · 26/11/2015 08:32

If you had said from the start that your BF had offered to be your mini cab for £10 less than the quote then there would have been no ambiguity.

As everyone here says, lifts are free. I've never met a sole who charged for one.

So the misunderstanding has occurred between you, your BF and your mates, that's on you, and cannot now ask them to pay.

Whoever's paying £8 for 5-6 miles above, London mini cabs are £6 for a mile.

Bunbaker · 26/11/2015 08:34

"I would tell your dp that you will be paying the tenner as you cannot ask your friends for money for a one off journey. Do they give you lifts op? Do they charge you?"

I would do this. I think the more you cover up and stray away from the truth the more problems it might cause in future. Just tell him you omitted to tel your friends he wanted some money and it would be embarrassing to ask now, so you will cover the costs yourself. You could, of course just pay for the petrol and leave out the profit.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/11/2015 08:36

In that case you shoukd have been upfront and say my boyfriend can take us for £10, not added the charge later on. Chalk it up to experience. I would get a cab, at least you know where you all stand. Airport runs are different, those scenarios yiu described, charge was mentioned upfront, not later.

KeepOnMoving1 · 26/11/2015 08:48

You and your bf sound like a pair of stingy tight arses. Can't believe you treat them that way. They sounds like a great group of friends as they decided to help the other group out with the Fare.

Original poster
liftissues · 26/11/2015 08:51

Yes I know i should have mentioned the money in my text. It wasn't deliberate - I just fired off a quick one liner and after I sent it thought I'd just speak about money when I saw them.

The scenario with friend and her DP exactly same as this - except I was at hers so party to the conversation - she,and I were discussing cab cost, and he said why don't I drive you for £20? Friend not from this group btw.

As for the current situation, as I've said (repeatedly!) as arrangements have now been made by them to split costs with the others, I'm not now going to throw that into disarray by now asking for money, instead I'll pay it myself.

OP posts:
Idefix · 26/11/2015 08:51

Yabu, your title is very misleading. Your friends assume that this lift is free because you allowed them to think this. Your bf offered a lift for a fee and you forwarded the offer of the lift but not the fee and now feel awkward. You clearly felt uncomfortable about asking for a contribution which is ŵhy you didn't mention it. I would just pay and say nothing or declined the lift in the first place.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/11/2015 08:56

That's good, I would tell your boyfriend you will be paying it, you are too embarrassed to ask. It's only £10, not worth loosing friends over this. Next time be upfront about any charge.

reni2 · 26/11/2015 09:03

No, OP, you shouldn't have mentioned the £10 fare for £1 worth of petrol in the text! This would be your last outing if you had, the friends would be gone.

It really is like charging people for a cup of tea (10x purchase price) at your house.

Natkingcole9 · 26/11/2015 09:07

OP.. If you're so worried about people on mumsnet being weirdos why post on it? Why ask for advice in AIBU if you don't want it? And with regards to the drip feeding- it's so annoying and makes you look a bit of a tool. Your title should've been 'am I being a tightarse?'

RonaldMcDonald · 26/11/2015 09:17

Tell him either you'll be paying him the £10 or that you'll pay him after his shift ends (leer)

All this over £10?

HortonWho · 26/11/2015 09:18

OPs boyfriend: hey, I can give you lot a lift for a tenner - you save £5+ on a taxi

OP: that sounds great, thanks!

Fires off text to everyone about a lift. Everyone assume she means a lift, not "I'll do it for £10 ride"

As I understand, the boyfriend was upfront and offered to take them for £10 but the OP mistakenly texted everyone else that it was a "lift" and everyone rightfully assumed it was free.

So never mind the boyfriend and his motives. OP had a moment of twatness and the misunderstanding is completely her fault. Which she accepts and is asking for advise on how to handle.

Have I got that right, OP?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/11/2015 09:21

I agree with the other posters . Just give him the money before hand. However it's not very fair that it has to come out of your pocket. Yes I get £10 is not a lot but its not a little either, especially at this time of year and when there is only one wage coming in, and savings are dwindling, but I can't think of another solution here.
You can't blame them really for thinking the lift is free. Who wouldn't. If someone gave me a lift and they said to me "Oh that's £10, BTW. I'd probably laugh in their face. Thinking they were joking.

foragogo · 26/11/2015 09:22

But youre a MN regular, clearly, so you know how rare it is for opinion on an AIBU thread to be unanimous. So you must be the only group of friends in the country who adopt this weird charging practice. Oh no, it just all of us who are weird / wrong / actually not normal women but hairy handed truckers and trolls.

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