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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Offered a lift, everyone assumed it would be free...now what?

281 replies

liftissues · 25/11/2015 20:07

I've been on here for years but have NC for this thread as it's pretty identifying (if any of my friends are on MN - possible - and I'd rather they didn't know my normal posting name!)

I'm out with some female friends this weekend - we're going for a few drinks/meal etc in a nearby town, about 5-6 miles away. A cab would be a minimum of £15. There's about 8-10 of us going in all.

Anyway, I mentioned it to my boyfriend, who said he'd give me and another 3 friends (he's got a normal 5 seater, so that's all that will fit) a lift into town. He's not working at the moment, and hasn't been for the last 6-8 weeks - he's waiting for a contract to start which should be early in the NY, and although he has some savings, obviously they are starting to dwindle away slowly, especially with Xmas coming up - so he said could we give him a tenner? (so still a lot less than a cab) which seemed fair to me.

I dropped the 3 friends who live nearest a group text letting them know about the lift - but I didn't mention the £10. Now they've all assumed it's free, and have said they'll split cab fares with the others who have to get a cab (but that I don't need to chip in).

In a sense it's not an issue, I can afford to give my bloke the £10 myself - and not mention it to either him or them - but I'm just thinking what if they mention it in the car? I don't want them to feel bad for not offering him any money, or him to feel bad for asking, but I think if I go back now, when they've told all the others and agreed to split their fares it's just going to be a right mess.

WIBU to keep quiet? Or what else should I do?

OP posts:
HazelOrBigwig · 25/11/2015 23:55

But she's not keepon, she's paying the whole £10 herself.

It's all a bit mad though OP, I know you're doing this in order to be 'fair' to him- and that's very nice of you. But the charge of £10 is not fair on you!!! It's way more than the petrol costs. He's making a profit out of you.

BackforGood · 25/11/2015 23:56

Shatners Grin

Original poster
liftissues · 25/11/2015 23:57

I'm not asking anyone for any money. Thought I'd been clear on that?

Had I been, if the 4 of us had a whip, I'd have said I'd put in £5 less, or whatever, and done it that way.

OP posts:
3point14159265359 · 25/11/2015 23:58

Oh man. I picked DH up at the station tonight, and didn't charge him.

Missed a trick there.

Bigpants4 · 25/11/2015 23:58

Regardless of what you normally do about taxis/drinks, you can't ask for cash after the event. It has to be prearranged.

Bigpants4 · 25/11/2015 23:59

The fair thing would be for you to give him £2 at a push

mommy2ash · 26/11/2015 00:09

Op it is embarrassing I was cringing reading your post. A 12 mile journey can't possibly take an hour if so the journey there would be more than 15 pound in a cab. It doesn't cost him a teners worth of petrol. Your friends obviously are decent people as they are paying towards others cab fare. If they did that and chipped in for the tenner this lift would cost more than a cab and way too complicated.

Your boyfriend should have either offered the life expecting no payment or just left you get a cab.

I actually don't think he is doing anyone a favour in this situation albeit unintentionally

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/11/2015 00:11

Sorry I'm with the people who think this is cringily tight

LucyBabs · 26/11/2015 00:12

op if your dp will possibly only use max 4 pounds in petrol why would you give him a tenner? He's then making a profit. Why?? I'd never dream of making a profit from giving my dp and his friends a lift. Fair enough If I couldn't afford the petrol I wouldn't offer if I couldn't afford the petrol but to make money from a favour Confused

Morro · 26/11/2015 00:28

I'd rather pay extra for a proper taxi and not have all this angst. Ridiculous charging your partner and her mates!

NewBallsPlease00 · 26/11/2015 00:31

My first thought was for. 12 mile round trip unless he's driving a bentlybfiel would be no more than about £3 so he's trying to profit which seems a little unfair

ReginaBlitz · 26/11/2015 00:40

I know, just don't give him a tenner! What would be the point?! It's technically both your money so you giving him £10 is pretty pointless. Also No one would actually be benefitting from the lift either if the others are chipping in for everyone else's taxi..you may as well just hire a big fuck off mini bus and be done with it.

AnyFucker · 26/11/2015 00:41

If he is so skint and you are so cockstruck that you can't see the problem here, just give him the tenner and you and your mates get the taxi as normal

reni2 · 26/11/2015 00:46
Grin
AnyFucker · 26/11/2015 00:48

In fact, I'll give him the tenner myself

The poor bloke must be hungry.

threewords3 · 26/11/2015 00:50

If it was expected that they would pay then you should have mentioned it to your friends when you let them know he had offered to give them a lift I think. If I had been offered a lift by a friend whose bf was giving her a lift anyway, I would not think to offer any payment to be honest.

CaoNiMao · 26/11/2015 00:50

Before MN I'd never come across the concept of charging 'petrol money' for lifts, or charging rent to non-adult resident children. Both strike me as extraordinarily miserly.

foragogo · 26/11/2015 00:57

Im also willing to chip in oooh at least 37p to help make this non-problem go away. Where do you live OP? If near enough ill come and drive you all in my 7 seater FOR FREE!

Yes i am becoming over invested in this, but am just trying to remember when i last cared this much about small sums of money. Are you all students OP?

leaningtoweroflego · 26/11/2015 01:19

DP has been out of work for some time until recently, and we are more skint than a skint thing.

But there is NO WAY he'd even consider asking for money for a lift!

Petrol money to cover the journey possibly, but charging your partner's mates? WTF? Confused

It's got nothing to do with him being out of work, and everything to do with him trying to make money out of your friends. A terrible attitude!

Redglitter · 26/11/2015 01:43

Skint or not I can't believe anyone would give their partner and friends a lift to a night out and expect payment for it. That's just the kind of thing people do for each other.

leaningtoweroflego · 26/11/2015 01:45

OP i'm worried about you. You know your BF's attitude isn't right as you're not asking your friends for the money.

But instead of saying to him "don't charge my friends, that's no way to behave" you are normalising his behaviour and making the problem your own by:

  1. covering for him by lying by omission (to your friends by not telling them about it and to him by not letting him know the money is from you)
  1. Making it your own problem (by paying for it) instead of calling him out
  1. Not admitting to yourself that his behaviour isn't on.

Are you compromising yourself in others ways in this relationship?

leaningtoweroflego · 26/11/2015 01:48

Why don't you just say to him,

"Sorry you didn't mention money at first, and anyway charging for lifts is not something you do to friends.

I'm not going to ask my friends as you are asking me to do something humiliating and they will all think you are a knob.

It's just not what you do to friends."

leaningtoweroflego · 26/11/2015 01:49

What do you think would happen if you asked the above?

longingforfun · 26/11/2015 02:01

I don't understand the vilification of this man. He has offered to give the op's friends a lift and asked for some payment to cover his expenses and time. They are not his friends and so is being treated by them as an unpaid taxi service. He is obviously hard up if he has been out of work for a while. A 12 mile journey can take an hour or more so he is doing everyone a favour but the op's friends can always get a taxi, which will cost them more.

NerrSnerr · 26/11/2015 02:37

It would never cross my mind to charge anyone for a 12 mile round journey and if I couldn't afford it I wouldn't offer instead of trying to make a profit.

I worry about your inability to talk to him about it. Just tell him it's not normal to charge friends for such a short lift but if he needs £10 you can give it to him. I'm assuming he's desperate, if not he sounds like an arse.