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AIBU?

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Original poster

Offered a lift, everyone assumed it would be free...now what?

281 replies

liftissues · 25/11/2015 20:07

I've been on here for years but have NC for this thread as it's pretty identifying (if any of my friends are on MN - possible - and I'd rather they didn't know my normal posting name!)

I'm out with some female friends this weekend - we're going for a few drinks/meal etc in a nearby town, about 5-6 miles away. A cab would be a minimum of £15. There's about 8-10 of us going in all.

Anyway, I mentioned it to my boyfriend, who said he'd give me and another 3 friends (he's got a normal 5 seater, so that's all that will fit) a lift into town. He's not working at the moment, and hasn't been for the last 6-8 weeks - he's waiting for a contract to start which should be early in the NY, and although he has some savings, obviously they are starting to dwindle away slowly, especially with Xmas coming up - so he said could we give him a tenner? (so still a lot less than a cab) which seemed fair to me.

I dropped the 3 friends who live nearest a group text letting them know about the lift - but I didn't mention the £10. Now they've all assumed it's free, and have said they'll split cab fares with the others who have to get a cab (but that I don't need to chip in).

In a sense it's not an issue, I can afford to give my bloke the £10 myself - and not mention it to either him or them - but I'm just thinking what if they mention it in the car? I don't want them to feel bad for not offering him any money, or him to feel bad for asking, but I think if I go back now, when they've told all the others and agreed to split their fares it's just going to be a right mess.

WIBU to keep quiet? Or what else should I do?

OP posts:
longingforfun · 26/11/2015 02:41

But NerrSnerr they aren't his friends. Maybe he shouldn't have offered but if he isn't making a profit, sure as hell the op's friends are by not taking a taxi. I think the main issue is the op who didn't make it clear to her friends that her bf wanted payment.

Senpai · 26/11/2015 02:58

I'd just give him the 10.

Unless someone said they expected gas money, I would assume it was a favor.

Whenever DH has given rides to coworkers, he just tells them up front that he'll give them a ride but they have to pitch in for gas. Otherwise they need to take the bus. He doesn't really care about the money, he just wants to make sure no one sees him as a free cab and takes advantage. So even 2 is fine, if that's all they can pay.

TheNewStatesman · 26/11/2015 03:13

??? When I opened this thread, I assumed that it was some long city-to-city journey, not a journey costing maybe a few quid in petrol.

I would never charge people for such a small amount. If I was truly hard up, I would explain the situation to people beforehand and ask if they would be OK helping out with the petrol, but not otherwise.

BrendaandEddie · 26/11/2015 03:48

It's very odd to charge your girlfriend cab rates at all IMO

BrendaandEddie · 26/11/2015 03:52

Op. He sounds weird. Either tell him the truth or cancel him and get a cab. No one gives mates money in these instances.

BrendaandEddie · 26/11/2015 03:52

No wonder op doesn't live with him.

MrsCampbellBlack · 26/11/2015 05:24

I am still chortling at Shatner's 'he's on an airport run' Grin

OP - does he struggle at all with social norms? I mean I would have in your situation just have said oh i'll give you some cash but I'm not asking my friends - hysterical laughter.

lborgia · 26/11/2015 05:40

Can you not say, I was stupid and forgot to mention the money side of it.. I'm going to give you the tenner and sort it out later with the girls.

Even if you don't "sort it out later", he won't feel funny about you paying him, and it won't suddenly come up in the car. I reckon sods law decrees that if you wish very hard for 4 people to not talk about something, they will (esp. when it's "so nice of you to give us a lift")

Your friends and boyfriend could feel very embarrassed, and you will look like a berk.

NerrSnerr · 26/11/2015 05:42

Long Of course £10 is a profit for driving 12 miles. I know it's not his friends but it's his girlfriend!

BrendaandEddie · 26/11/2015 06:30

Make him wear a peaked hat and call him drives, ask him when his shift ends
OR TELL HIM TO NOT BE SO TIGHT

BrendaandEddie · 26/11/2015 06:31

also special prize for Borgia for the word ' berk'

Coconutty · 26/11/2015 06:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lborgia · 26/11/2015 06:57

No idea if you're being facetious, Brenda but after the shit day I've had, I"ll take the special prize, thank you very much Grin

BrendaandEddie · 26/11/2015 06:58

Not at all -made me laugh.

lborgia · 26/11/2015 07:01

Even better!

RoganJosh · 26/11/2015 07:14

I would tell Dp that I'd forgotten to mention the £10.
I'd then either:
say we should forget the lift as it feels a bit awkward,
or that I'll sort it out with them during the evening, so he shouldn't mention it in the car.

daisychain01 · 26/11/2015 07:19

I think berk is Cockley Rhyming Slang for Berkley Hunt Smile when you think someone's a bit of a twat

The tenner for a lift needs to be added to my MN Brass Neck spreadsheet.

Youarentkiddingme · 26/11/2015 07:20

You seem to be in a right pickle with regards a tenner Confused

I always drive on nights out because I don't drink. I never ask or expect petrol money as I would have to contribute to cab home and seriously - 12 miles isn't that much petrol! I do ask for a contribution to car park if we to to city but we pay £1 each! Actually that's not true - I've never asked my friends just contributed and it's become a 'thing!'.

I'd just give your BF the money and say you are sorting it with friends.
Your friends sound lovely chipping towards taxis for those without a lift.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/11/2015 07:30

I would tell your dp that you will be paying the tenner as you cannot ask your friends for money for a one off journey. Do they give you lifts op? Do they charge you?

Only1scoop · 26/11/2015 07:33

Aeroflot

Yes exactly
I wouldn't be pussyfooting around him I would just give him the cash. If he say's 'what's this for'? then tell him you are paying.

If he doesn't accept it.

He doesn't get paid.
What a palava Confused

cleaty · 26/11/2015 07:40

longingforfun - I would actually prefer to pay £1 or £2 more for the journey, rather than take an unlicensed and illegal cab, which is what this is. If I was asked for £2.50, I would just suggest to everyone we get a proper cab instead.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/11/2015 07:41

I know, it is isent it. I would have said that without the song and dance. Seriously, how is £10 going to help him? I could understand if this was a regular occourance, but it's a one off.

BrendaandEddie · 26/11/2015 07:41

i wouldnt pay for those without a lift. they sound suspiciously nice.

Are they christians or something? baits rod and throws it out

BrendaandEddie · 26/11/2015 07:42

i bloody love this thread

Sallystyle · 26/11/2015 07:47

It does concern me OP. I would simply tell my husband that he is being a bit of a dick for charging my friends. If you can't tell him that it is wrong for him to make a profit out of giving your friends a lift then you have much deeper problems.

You should be able to talk openly. You should be able to tell him that you have thought about his idea and don't like it and you are too embarrassed to ask them for money. If you can't do that then there is something seriously wrong.

This worrying about what you should do now that everyone assumes the lift was free is not normal in a healthy relationship. Many of us have been skint and could do with some extra money but we don't make money from our partners friends by giving them a lift. There are plenty of shop jobs crying out for staff over Xmas if he needs some money to see him going.