Offered a lift, everyone assumed it would be free...now what?

[liftissues]

I've been on here for years but have NC for this thread as it's pretty identifying (if any of my friends are on MN - possible - and I'd rather they didn't know my normal posting name!)

I'm out with some female friends this weekend - we're going for a few drinks/meal etc in a nearby town, about 5-6 miles away. A cab would be a minimum of £15. There's about 8-10 of us going in all.

Anyway, I mentioned it to my boyfriend, who said he'd give me and another 3 friends (he's got a normal 5 seater, so that's all that will fit) a lift into town. He's not working at the moment, and hasn't been for the last 6-8 weeks - he's waiting for a contract to start which should be early in the NY, and although he has some savings, obviously they are starting to dwindle away slowly, especially with Xmas coming up - so he said could we give him a tenner? (so still a lot less than a cab) which seemed fair to me.

I dropped the 3 friends who live nearest a group text letting them know about the lift - but I didn't mention the £10. Now they've all assumed it's free, and have said they'll split cab fares with the others who have to get a cab (but that I don't need to chip in).

In a sense it's not an issue, I can afford to give my bloke the £10 myself - and not mention it to either him or them - but I'm just thinking what if they mention it in the car? I don't want them to feel bad for not offering him any money, or him to feel bad for asking, but I think if I go back now, when they've told all the others and agreed to split their fares it's just going to be a right mess.

WIBU to keep quiet? Or what else should I do?

Look, it's fine that your bf offered a lift in the basis that he'd be paid. It's an offer which can be accepted or declined- not an issue. It's also fine that your friends assume the life is free, as they were not told otherwise when they were offered a lift.

Changing the goalposts after the event for either your friends or the bf by making them pay, or refusing to pay him is not fine. Either pay him yourself, without mentioning the how's and why's , or decline his lift for some reason, and you all share a taxi cost. Only other option is to tell him you made a cock up, offer to cancel his lift on the basis you'll all get a taxi, and see what he says. It's not a big deal, it's only a tenner.

I don't know why people are having a pop at the op. It's hardly her fault that her dp is acting tighter than a ducks arse is it, but then, in regards to that . It's all very well me saying about him being a tight arse, bug she didn't tell us about the fact that he is out of work, just so as to give us gossip whilst enjoying our morning coffee. It is obviously very relevant to the story. So it might not be a case of him being mean. He may genuinely need the money. But then the fair argument for that is. Why offer to give the lift in the first instance.

Why can't you say 'sorry boyfriend, I've stuffed up a bit in my text and my mates think you're offering a lift free. I'm happy to give you that tenner though, no problem.'

Then he can say 'no worries, I'll do it free' or 'well I can't afford to do it free....'

Then you can say 'really it's fine, I'll pay the --hyperinflated- petrol costs'.

Or, 'don't worry, we'll just get a cab and save you the hassle'.

You know.....talking.

The only way this cringefest could be any worse is if your friends found out he was after £10.00 and felt so sorry for him that they had a whipround.

My goodness this is such a saga, should be known as liftgate

Teh Liftgate Cringefest

Foragogo no it is not unanimous.

Is it not?

So £10 is a 5th of a tank of petrol, i can do 327 miles on a tank so in my car that can do 35 miles to the gallon that is a journey of 65 miles

It would actually cost me less than a pound.

I'm so glad this isn't the norm among my friends.

Charging each other for lifts - that's just part of being a friend IMO.

What's next - charging for babysitting if you do your friend a favour and pick their DC up after school? Charging an old friend hotel rates if they stay at yours?

Hey, if you provide a shoulder to cry on when your mate is going through a divorce, why not invoice for counselling?

My mind is truly boggled!

So £10 is a 5th of a tank of petrol, i can do 327 miles on a tank so in my car that can do 35 miles to the gallon that is a journey of 65 miles

Or if i am being confused and it is 237 miles to a tank that is still a round trip of 45 miles

Bloody hell it really is liftgate with all this analysing, .

Tell your mates he's got the squits and get a cab. How embarrassing.

Back of a fag packet calculation -

HMRC allow a mileage rate of 45p per mile, to include allowance for cost of insurance, repairs etc. 12 miles = £5.40

Our fuel efficient car does 545 miles for £70. 12 miles = £1.50

Our extremeley inefficient car does 270 miles for £70. 12 miles = £3.10

Charging for a lift for a short distance sounds mean to me. Making a profit out of it even worse. Sympathise that his finances are limited, but that's not your friends' problem

Some friends are visiting my City to go to a conference. I offered that they could stay at my house. Maybe I should be charging them for the stay given that they have saved on the cost of a hotel room? Does £25 sound fair?

I find it bizarre that there are so many people in this group who are regularly earning money (70% of a cab fare more than covers costs) by driving their friends around.

But anyway, OP should just tell the bf she is paying the tenner, as it would seem tight to ask her mates now. But not to worry, they'll probably buy her a drink to say thanks so she's not losing out.

I charge 10p per tissue handed to fellow parents at the playground, £1 for taking another child to the loo when taking mine and £3 for a neighbour's school run .

The fact he doesn't work is not your friends problem. They shouldn't have to pay for a 12 mile journey just because he is out of work and wants to make a bit of money (and he is making money, this journey costs nowhere near £10 and you cannot compare it to a cab ride given that is their actual job to charge for taking you somewhere). This is ridiculous and why you can't just tell him that you forgot to mention it to them initially and now they don't realise he wants paying, I don't know!

And if it was his job, he would be paying insurance and be licensed.

Because he'd probably offer to send an invoice tell them himself?

Profiting from friends is not on!

He's not covering costs - he's making on it.

How embarrassing.

What it works out per mile is really neither here nor there. He suggested a figure, I agreed because I thought that seemed fair.

I REALLY don't need telling what I think or how I feel as,some pps have presumed to. I know my own mind! If I thought he was tight, or it was some dreadful social error to ask for money, I'd have said as much.

Sometimes people do things for free. Sometimes the same people ask for a contribution.

I've seen many a thread on here over the years with people moaning about giving lifts to people who don't reciprocate or offer any money, or how if one person in a relationship does all the driving it's really unfair and so on, and often people are told you should ask for money, you shouldn't expect free lifts, the non driver should contribute, and so on.

I can imagine if I was posting as an out of work single parent saying my bf and his mates were off on a night out and I'd said I'd give them a lift, but it will take best part of an hour round trip, should I ask for some money - I am pretty sure the replies would be 'yes, don't let them take advantage' etc.

But in any event I wasn't asking for whether or not he should have asked, he had and I'd agreed. It was my error in not mentioning that to friends, I simply wanted some ideas on how to handle the misunderstanding I'd inadvertently created (basically as summed up pretty well by Horton upthread).

It's not a contribution - he's making on it! Cringe.

Next time I make coffee for my neighbour, I'll charge her £2.

Cheaper than Costa and a nice little earner for me. Win, win.

Ugh.

Look, the thing that is weird OP is you not just saying to him 'oops I didn't mention the tenner and they think it's a lift' but instead lying to him and to your friends.

That does say to me you are either wary of his reaction or you are embarrassed.

And, I know you don't agree, but charging for lifts IS weird.

I am 48 with lots of friends and we have never asked for money for lifts to anywhere, from anyone, ever at any time! We sub each other if one of us is skint, buying drinks or dinner, but this is completely different. Actually charging for a lift!