To think the WEP should not be campaigning for men to be allowed to stay overnight on postnatal wards?

[CallaLilli]

I was just having a look at some of the objectives for the WEP and noticed they have a Stand Up for Dads campaign. Now whilst I agree with a lot of what they say on that page, one of the things they say is:

“hospitals don’t seem to take dads seriously. Many treat new fathers and new co-parents as visitors who have to stick to visiting hours or at best sleep in a chair. All new mums should be allowed a partner with them 24-7 if they choose.”

Countless women on MN have spoken of their experiences on postnatal wards and the majority of them have said that they would not want men staying on the ward 24/7, at a time when they feel at their most vulnerable. Am I BU to think that a party set up for women should be more considerate of what women want?

Not for long Abbie

Creepy.

Not really Abbie. Just that the patriarchy will take it away

Creepy men on Mumsnet. Again.

It's not about rape. It's about privacy and dignity when in hospital. That said, I suspect you're goading.

Thanks for all your reports about that one - and sorry for the delay.

We're on the case. Just bolting the door behind him now.

Enjoy your limited time here mailbags - post the most offensive things you can think of, why don't you. It's nothing we haven't seen before. You're obviously so threatened by women getting together to discuss childbirth.

Thanks Dawn

Thank you, Dawn.

Well done HQ.

The less women only spaces the better

Darvany

I stayed in for two weeks due to premature birth and complications, then had several students have a go at pulling placenta out, without my consent, wasn't even asked doctor just told them to "have a go" couldn't move,talk to ask them to stop because of epidural and god knows what else. Staff were very rude, told me off for getting blood on sheets, wouldn't help with bfeeding and said I had to bottle feed, thank god I had a private room for second week, because nobody could see my shame at being told to stop being a silly little girl, my son was ready to go home before me, and I was made to feel guilty for not getting better quick enough so someone else could have my room.

Against non patients staying 24/7 on mixed ward. Esp ones like the GF.

Can I just take a quick survey? Can people give the time they were in hospital after giving birth, whether there were complications, whether they had to be consultant/midwife-led and whether they are for and against men sleeping over?

DC1: VB following a long labour and over three hours of second stage. Was exhausted, had stitches thanks to baby being back-to-back and in possession of a huge head. Also had no clue what to actually do with a baby aside from stick milk in it everytime I heard the slightest whimper. Stayed for two nights.

DC2: EMCS for a missed breech. Baby very mucousy, hobbies included vomiting every five minutes and filling in the time between vomiting sessions with explosive shits up her to armpits, front and back. Stayed two days.

DC3: ELCS. Baby was stuck thanks to being fully engaged at one end with legs stretched as far as they could go at the other hand so had a fair amount of pushing and shoving to get him out. In addition to this my BP was so low that they had to stop, mid-section, to bring it back up before they could continue. Was on a drip the remainder of that day and overnight. Had a sign above my bed saying I needed to be assisted when I stood up for the first time and accompanied to the shower in case BP took another nose dive. I stayed for two nights, baby slept all night the first night and didn't sleep at all the second night. On the second day the bruises from all the rummaging started to come out, I was livid purple and blue from the top of my bump right down to my to thigh tops, it felt like I'd been repeatedly kicked by a donkey. I wanted to go home to see my other DC, they suggested I stay another night or two, I went home. The visitors from 8am to 9pm were doing my head in, especially the couple in the bed next to mine who spent the whole day loudly kissing complete with slurp sounds I was glad when he went home at 9pm, although he tried to stay by pulling the curtain round at kicking out time but the MW discovered him and sent him packing.

I'm against men being on the wards overnight. While I enjoyed DH visiting I was glad when he went home so I could have a little nap, cuddle the baby, and watch shite on the patientline TV.

I've given birth 3 times in hospital - stayed on shared wards.

2 of those births would be considered fairly traumatic - shoulder dystocia, PPH, emergency resuscitation of baby - 2+ night on the ward.

I am against non-patients staying on the shared wards. Private rooms - no problems. I would like to know why Sweden, for example, can provide private rooms postnatally - yet the UK can't.

Can I just take a quick survey? Can people give the time they were in hospital after giving birth, whether there were complications, whether they had to be consultant/midwife-led and whether they are for and against men sleeping over?

Very straightforward birth with DS. He was born at 2am and DP actually did stay over, but we were in an MLU and had a room with a double bed so it was no problem. Discharged that evening and went straight home.

I was very glad to not have to be on the postnatal ward, as they do allow partners to stay overnight at the hospital I was at. I am not at all in favour of partners staying over but probably would've insisted DP stay if I was going to be surrounded by several strange men.

I think WEP has really missed the point with this one.

Oh, and I think I may even know the answer to my own question. I've been pondering.

When I had the hospital tour in 2001 (pregnant with my first) - we were pointed to a swathe of rooms. 'Those,' said she, 'used to all be delivery rooms/private rooms. Now they've all been turned over to admin."

We don't need admin - we need more midwives, more private rooms, better postnatal care.

Can I just take a quick survey? Can people give the time they were in hospital after giving birth, whether there were complications, whether they had to be consultant/midwife-led and whether they are for and against men sleeping over?

2 live births, 1 stillbirth/very late miscarriage.

DS1: At spines, enormous episiotomy (which was done without my knowledge or consent), stitches, long long labour, horrendous time. Was glad of visitors helping during the day, glad they went home.

DD! Stillborn. Long labour. Very sad. Didn't want anyone within 50 feet of me. Was put on the ante-natal ward which was like torture

DS2: also at spines, also long labour, also stitches, abusive ExH made a complete nuisance of himself, turned up pissed and stoned and had to be escorted off the premises.

I do not want strangers of either sex staying on the wards. One of them might be like my ExH.

I had a man in a large ward staring at me through a gap in the curtains despite his new baby being next to him during visiting hours, was grim. It was a necessity that my husband was allowed to sleep on the floor overnight for the night after birth as I needed his help as I was bed bound, my legs were numb, and I wasn't going to get the help I needed from the staff who were too busy. Tbh I felt pretty vulnerable the next night when I was alone (we needed one of us to get some sleep so he went home as my legs were back) after the staring, I would have felt safer if my husband or someone else was there. I think they should just make it acceptable for men to sleep on the floor next to the bed, my husband wasn't allowed to but I think they let him because they knew they would not be able to help me enough. I actually think having the option to have an extra person overnight sleeping on the floor, man or woman, would make it safer and more comfortable, and I'm speaking as someone who had their dignity compromised by a visiting man. My husband literally slept on the floor but if this became standard policy then just a cheap camping mat could be an addition to the hospital bag to make it a bit easier.

Quick survey :
First child - very long arduous labour - stayed in 3 nights
Second child - induction then very quick labour - stayed in 2 nights
Third child - quick enough labour - stayed for about 8 hours after the birth.

All midwifery led care - strict visiting hours morning, afternoon and evening. All visitors including partners adhered to the visiting hours. There were a few private rooms but no overnight stays there either. Against overnight stays.

dc1 - home birth but was repaired in hospital, was there about 1am - 4pm same day

dd2 - MLU, no complications, was there about 7am - 2pm same day

I am against men staying over in postnatal wards

For the informal survey: had an induction, epidural and forceps delivery. Was in for 4 days in total- 2 pre and 2 post. Am against the idea of having partners stay over unless all patients have private rooms with en suites.

I have to say that the staff at the hospital where I gave birth were very kind and compassionate and I had a good level of support during the night. It's awful to read the experiences that others have had.

I am quite surprised that people are suggesting that partners could sleep on the floor of hospital wards on camping mats. As a PP has said, we should be aiming at improving care to standards such as those in Sweden, not eroding them to those found is a developing country.

DC1 - 12h labour started middle of the night. Forceps. PPH. Two night stay on ward to establish feeding.

DC2 - home birth middle of the night but transferred to hospital afterwards as needed SCBU visits. On ward first night, booked private (but no DPs could stay - anyway, he was with DC1) for next two nights. Re admitted with infection to post natal ward the following week. Stayed several nights in private room with DC2 and was quite poorly with high temp etc, on a range of drugs.

Against dads staying - the wards are incredibly noisy with six women and six babies at night - if a couple were chatting, even quietly, the whole thing would be even more unbearable.

For the survey.

Fairly straightforward labour, venteuse for last few pushes. Second degree tear. Stayed overnight for 3 nights due to breastfeeding issues and jaundiced DD. I was fully mobile and able to look after myself and DD fine. Consultant-led care due to medical history = MLU/homebirth never an option. DH did not stay even though he could have - we felt he would be better rested for when DD and I came home if he didn't have to try to sleep on a noisy ward in a chair!

Against any non-patient staying 24/7 on a ward.