Is it reallly wrong to plan to have more children than bedrooms?

[Difficultchoice]

i've seen this a lot on Mn recently and people seem to be really cross when children sharing rooms is mentioned. I would love another but all our rooms are taken....more concerned about my age, time and money tbh.

So does the available space form part of other people's decisions? How important is that aspect?

How many children do you have already? If you have a boy, and only one bedroom for him and then you have a girl, then that'll be a problem.

I am of the opinion that two children of the same sex can share a bedroom, but three in one room is too many. (And I am writing this with the expectation that they will be earn money in their early twenties, and at least enable you to rent a bigger flat, even if they can't afford to move out.)

If you are close to menopause, then I'd think adding one child is not too much of a risk, but if you are younger, then you should be aware that accidents happen and you could end up with more children and less space than planned.

Dh and I have 3 children sharing. We come from big houses and neither of our parents wanted children like we do. We wanted to recreate a loving family who support each other and are there for each other. I know we are probably too far the other way and too child centred.

We have enough bedrooms for one each but I have put the dses together (7,10) as I think it will make them closer. So far so good. They do mess about when getting dressed in the morning, but just that proximity is good for them at this age. I think it's nice. There is plenty of space in the playroom to play. Maybe when they're older we can rejig, but I think it's fine.

If I had another baby and it was a girl, I wouldn't put her with dd as I don't think it would be fair to have a 8yo and a 1yo together. Poor thing would get box room (currently a spare room). I think you need to figure out how you would configure things but sharing per se isn't bad.

Sharing is fine in a lot of cases. Not in others.

If it's 3 in a room, it's too much imo. If the rooms are tiny it's a bit rubbish.

I only have two and they don't share. I don't want anymore. Although because the bedrooms are quite big, the fact that one of them would have to share wouldn't put me off anymore. I just don't want anymore.

I knew twin boys who shared who hated eachother. It was a nightmare for their mum and dad. But that can happen when they don't share.

*So, I was given a two bed flat, had one child, then moved to a two bed house. Then StepD moved in with us. Should I have turned her away?

She was 15 and my DD was 4. Not ideal for them to share a room really*

We're facing the same. I have a 5 and 8 year old, and it looks like SD (15) will move in with us soon.

No, we won't turn her away because we're a bedroom short. Two will have to share. But I won't expect to be rehoused either. I don't think I have grounds to moan about how cramped we are. We had two children. We always knew about Sdc, and that they'd stay, and possibly move in at some point.

Quite apart from the fact that as I rent privately no ones going to "give" us anything, and if I turned up at the council asking for a bigger house to accommodate SD, it'd never happen, ideal or not.

As I said, it's choice to have as many kids as people want. I just don't think they have the right to complain how terrible everything is and how it's so cramped, and expect the state to house them according to their choices. if you have SDC that should factor in when deciding how many children to have.

Mine have their own bedrooms but share DS1's bunk beds most nights as he has the biggest room in the house. It's one of those things; friends have commented before asking why they share (we have 4 bedrooms) and can't get their heads around them just enjoying being together. They're 10 and 4, though, so I can guarantee that in a few years time DS1 won't want DS2 cramping his style.

We aren't able to have more children but if we could have, I wouldn't have thought twice about having more and asking them to share.

We (family of 4) all share 1 room. Out of choice.

I have a 7 year old DSD and. 2 year old DS, currently TTC #2 and we live in a 3 bed house. SD has the smaller bedroom and DS has the bigger 2nd bedroom, but if and when DC2 come along he will have to share. I shared with my DB when we were little for 4 years and we loved it. Both DC in our house pretty much only sleep in their bedrooms anyway they spend most of the time downstairs.

perfectlybroken, why? And how old are the kids?

I think if you are having to pack them in like a youth hostal dormitory, then you have a problem. But I think it can be good for siblings to share a room. I think it can encourage friendship and play when they are younger and prevent them from slipping into self imposed navel gazing isolation for days on end in the teenage years. I think the constant negotiation required to share a room encourages a handful and skills and a disposition to get along with others when they are older. I think I'm trying to find a polite way to say it goes some way to prevent them from becoming precious adults.

I know this isn't something I can prove and happy to accept I may be wrong. I don't think the above is true for everyone. Some people are burdened with horrible siblings and then I suppose the best you can do is give them a place to retreat to.

I expect they co sleep. We did that for a few years.

We have 3 bedrooms & 2 kids.

Now that they're in their early twenties they appreciate their own space even more than when they were teenagers.

At their age I had my own house, those days are long gone!!

I shared with db for a while. Not ideal. We had had our own space beforehand, as moved with dp jobs at height of 1990 housing crash.

Db is 6 years younger than me though, and I was 11-13 in that house. I think with same gender kids with a close age gap sharing can be ok though. Just not ideal to be dealing with periods etc in a room shared with a 7 year old boy

I think there is a real difference between having to share a (reasonable size) bedroom with a sibling and living in chaotic and overcrowded conditions. Some posters have mentioned 13 people in a 3 bedroom house and people sleeping in living rooms. Obviously this is not an ideal situation for anyone to live in for years and I think you would be pretty selfish to have 5 children if you knew you could never afford to live in anything bigger than a 2 bedroom flat. Sharing a bedroom though - really can't see what is wrong with that

To call it bad planning to have only one reception room for 8 people is a bit strange , I would call it living in a family home .
It's not everyone who can afford/live in a house with more than one reception room .

I would prefer our set up to a box room. We have 3 beds, (1 trundle), desks each, 3 ikea trofasts, 2 sets of drawers, and a clothes rail on wall. There is still floor space for them to play.

Some of the council flats around here have massive living rooms though.

So big in fact, I know of at least 3 people who had to sell their dining tables/cabinets etc, when they were eventually given a council house.

I think it is a bit shit starting a thread about another thread to bitch about people's decisions re how many children and how many bedrooms.

I have had a huge bedroomto myself that fitted both a sinlge bed and my cabin bed full of toys, plus plenty of space in between to play. I have also had to share a boxroom with bunkbeds with my older sister, we have never got on. My parents did what they could wherever we were (military), so I don't blame them for any of our living arrangements. Some things worked, some didn't. We lived with it.

It's not wrong to base your decision to have kids on your financial situation and the lifestyle you can offer them.

Re: sharing bedroom, it depends on the size of the room they share, the gender and the age and where you live.

I don't think a box room with just enough space for a cot is a suitable environment for anyone apart from a baby. There are only cupboards with a window. Single room are what they say: a room for 1 person!

I have seen a house with a tiny bedroom with a triple bunk bed in it. If you live on the beach, or next to a forest and the kids are outside all day, then it's fine. If you are in a city, nearly no outdoor private space, it's awful.

People need privacy, place to breathe, space to do their homework in peace and play. 2 boys (or girls) who are only 1 or 2 years apart are fine to share a decent space. I don't encourage teenagers to bring boyfriend/ girlfriends in their bedroom anyway!

I don't think sharing is an issue as long as there is space. I think cramming as many dc's in as physically possible is wrong though. I always wonder how people manage when they put six month olds in a room with a four year old because of the disturbance to the other child. Some babies sleep through though.
I wouldn't have liked to share, but I only have a brother we hated each other as kids, it would have been different if I had a sister I think.

I shared with my sister for a while. I didn't like it. We both found it valuable to have space that was ours, that we could retreat to, that we could listen to whatever music we wanted in, that we could be apart after whatever argument.