Is it reallly wrong to plan to have more children than bedrooms?

[Difficultchoice]

i've seen this a lot on Mn recently and people seem to be really cross when children sharing rooms is mentioned. I would love another but all our rooms are taken....more concerned about my age, time and money tbh.

So does the available space form part of other people's decisions? How important is that aspect?

I think sharing bedrooms is fine but (from experience) it's rubbish growing up in a house too small for the number of people living in it.

Lols at the poster with a 6x6 room which is too small to be a bedroom.

Too small for a double bedroom maybe - our box room is smaller and houses two (although one is part time).

I think it's your decision. You make the decision to have children knowing they'll have to share, fine.

What I think makes people cross is when people have more kids than bedrooms, then complain the council won't rehome them, and moan about how awful it is and how cramped they are.

We have a 3bed and going to have dc3. I don't see the issue with 2 children sharing a double bedroom after all it's a double room not a single. Easy enough to have two single beds and a room divider if required later on.

It's personal choice. I wouldn't want my own children to share, but other people don't mind and like most people I base my personal choices on personal experiences. I'd have hated not to have had a safe retreat.

I do feel a bit - strange? - about children of different sexes sharing but that's my personal weirdness :)

We had DC 3 when we lived in a 3 bed house. Within a year or so we moved to a 4 bed because we wanted them to all have their own rooms. But since moving the youngest two have 'sleepovers' in each other's rooms almost every night, so most nights there's a room standing empty...

I don't think it's that important, anyway. More important is how much room they have to play, and when they're young that tends to happen downstairs anyway (IME).

What I think makes people cross is when people have more kids than bedrooms, then complain the council won't rehome them, and moan about how awful it is and how cramped they are.

Micah has it exactly right.

My boys share a room, they have to just suck it up and get on with it
They have the master bedroom.

Unless one of them wants to buy us a bigger house.

Reading with interest as we're planning a house move and trying to work out how many rooms we need for our (currently non-existent) DC.

I grew up overseas with my own bedroom, bathroom and study (feels absurd now I live in London!) and feel like private space is a must to do homework etc. DP shared a double bed with his older brother until the latter left at 18. One is a fighter pilot, the other a software developer, so somehow they apparently managed to study and do well.

I think my ideal is for two DC to share a big double room, with a room divider when older. There needs to be some "quiet space" somewhere for work.

We have 4 dcs and 4 bedrooms. Atm we are struggling as 11 year old and 6 year old share and squabble. The oldest (14) and 11 year old have shared and sqyabbled. So we are moving 3 year old abd 6 year old in together, for next 5 years as b/g.

Of course it's not wrong, many children happily share and wouldn't have it any other way.

But I was brought up in a tiny house, sharing a small bedroom with 3 younger siblings and it was chaotic. For me, I've always felt strongly that I wanted my children to have their own rooms, and their own space.

Sharing in general is fine. I grew up sharing with my sister, we turned out OK.

I have 3 DCs and 3 bedrooms - although I have partitioned the largest to make two smaller rooms due to a combination of DS1 having ASD & a large age gap between DS2 & DD meaning that everyone does really need their own space. DS1 needs somewhere he can go to be alone when his brain becomes "full" and it's not really fair for 15 year old DS2 to share with 5 year old DD. Privacy and all that.

On the other hand (as I said on the other thread about this), my good friend has 6 DCs in a 2.5 bedroom house. She currently has the two babies in her room, one DS in the box room & her three DDs sharing the largest room. Long term, her plan is to have two DSs in bunk beds in the box room & the other four DCs (3 girls & a boy) sharing the large room.

People do cope. Personally, I think as long as you can make it work for your family then it's fine. And nobody else's business.

We planned 3DC in a 4-bed. Nature had other plans and we now have 4 DC. I wasted ridiculous amounts of time worrying about what would happen when pregnant with DC4 (now 9 weeks) and really wish I hadn't - we will just cross bridges as we get to them. Dc2 & 3 are currently sharing (by choice, DC3 just moved himself into the vacant bed when DC1 (now 8) moved to own room in Feb). We are just making sure there is space for all in the house - might need to think again in future but rooms can be partitioned or we can always move though I'd prefer not to.
There are far bigger things to worry about IMHO.
Actually, DH and I seem to end up with at least 2 in our bed per night so beginning to think best option would be one huge room with a massive bed in it! Am hoping this will not be the case a few years down the line.

I had to share a room till I was 10, sis 14. We both hated it, I wonder what our relationship would be like if that had carried on

Of course kids "survive" but is that the aim? What about if they, shock horror, actually enjoy themselves and have a bit of space? It's also awful for a quiet introverted child to deal with school in the sense of no quiet and alone time, coming home to have none as well....and being disturbed every time sibling is ill (that was my poor sis putting up with me being ill all the time).

Older teenagers can generally manage with quite a small room. Totally stereotyping here, but most of their stuff tends to be small (hideously expensive) gadgets, and excess clothes could be stored in someone else's room.
I disagree! We are moving house so that the boys (19 and 16) can have more space even though they have their own bedroom at the moment. One bedroom is very small so now that they are older they are need more space.

I wouldn't say sharing is per se a bad thing (although I think having your own space is valuable for most older children) but it does need thinking through bearing in mind the ages and gender of the children involved. It is depressing though when a poster has a large number of children (by societal norms) gets pregnant again and then it occurs to them that there could be a space issue - why not think that through in advance and if you don't feel you can accomodate look to use reliable contraceptive.

We have six of us over four bedrooms. DC4 was a bonus baby so share with DC3. There's only 16 months between them though so as yet it's fine.
We do have plenty of options for if we need an extra room. We could split a massive room at the front, convert the cellar or make a reception room into a bedroom.
Though we have joked that if DC1 and DC2 (DC3 and 4 would be teens) are still living with us well into their 20's DH and I will move out and leave them all to it. I was only half joking

I think it's based on your own experience. I loathed sharing with my dsis once from about age 11 onwards. It was fine when we were small.

We created our own room divider with a line of wardrobes.

Hard to pinpoint what the actual problem was. Probably that she used to wind me up and there was no escape. Also not being able to have a friend round without her putting her oar in. She eventually spent most of her spare time round friend's houses because there was no private space.

I wouldn't let it stop me having an extra dc - but I'd plan for the teenage years to move/extend/give up my own bedroom.

When we moved to a bigger house and our kids had their own rooms, they became less close. They used to play together in their room chat to each other at night before, now they just do their own thing in their own rooms. I'm glad we moved but find this a bit sad. They disagree with me though - they love having their own space

What I think makes people cross is when people have more kids than bedrooms, then complain the council won't rehome them, and moan about how awful it is and how cramped they are.

So, I was given a two bed flat, had one child, then moved to a two bed house. Then StepD moved in with us. Should I have turned her away?

She was 15 and my DD was 4. Not ideal for them to share a room really.

I don't necessarily think it's bad for children to share, up to a point, but when you start putting three children in one room, have two in with you and give up reception rooms, it's detrimental to everyone's wellbeing.

Leaving potentially 8 people with one reception space to share is just bad planning, and surely children need a quiet place to do homework, or the parent needs to make some phone calls, or one of the children wants friends over...

It's irresponsible to overcrowd a house when the only real reason is selfishness.

I think it's pretty character building really.

You learn for a young age that there is someone else to consider, when it comes to making mess and noise.

My older kids never shared, because they were a boy and girl. Then Dd1 had to share with her younger sibling, but because of the 8 and 10 year age gap, we moved her into the dining room. So then only the younger two shared. Until DD1 moved out, ds went in the dining room and now they have a bedroom each. Although dd3 moans because she has the boxroom.

I don't think it's unreasonable for them to share, and especially when they are younger, having a sibling in the room can be great. I remember fondly the unofficial playtimes and endless conversations my sister and I had after bedtime (our parents probably don't remember this as fondly).

I think it can be good for them. It teaches them to be respectful of someone else's privacy, sleep needs and space in a shared room, which can't be a bad thing if they are likely to marry and spend years sharing with a partner. People may say it's a totally different thing, but I'm not so sure.