To not say goodbye to my dd who is leaving

[onlyoranges]

My dd and her best friend are leaving to travel the world, with no idea of when they will return. We are happy/devastated. she wants us to say goodbye at the airport which my dh feels will be too upsetting for us and her younger siblings (who are very upset she is leaving). I told my eldest Ds who was appaulled we are not going. My difficulty is I am currently in treatment for a disease which appears hell bent on killing me and the airport is so far away we would need to stay over and the knock on effect for my health wouldn't be great. But our dd wants us to go and her friends mum is going. My dh is adamant he wants to say goodbye at home as he will become too upset at the airport (and knowing him he will)! Should I go? Should we all say bye at home? Will my dd feel weird her friends mum is there are none of us are. Am
I being mean? If I wasn't so sick I would go in a heart beat but now I just don't know?? Thoughts please?

You are to ill to go,so sod your oldest DS he's being really stupid over this,he should be more worried about his mothers health than you not being at the airport.I'm seriously ill and honestly my children generally try to stop me doing anything that could make my health worse.

Is he going to wave his sister off?I know you've said your DH will be really upset waving her off but if you want one of you to be there then it should be him,don't make your health worse by going there,that in the long run would affect you,your DH and all your children and I should imagine your daughter would be gutted if she found out that you coming to the airport made you even iller than you are.

Op I have been your daughter- many times! I love travel and left home for the first extended length of time at just 18. (7 days after my 18th birthday). My parents were of course sad to see me go but they NEVER would have made me feel guilty. They gave me roots so I knew I always had a place to come back to and wings so I could fly.

I think YABVU to say that you and the younger children are devastated. You are undoubtedly making it harder for her to take her first big steps outside the nest

YANBU unreasonable to not go to the airport if you're sick, though. Your husband, however, is being a pussy and needs to grow some balls!

Bit of a jump there, Mintyy - the OP hasn't said she's terminally ill, just that she's being treated for a disease that is hellbent on killing her. There IS a difference.

I agree with you Mintyy - but only if the OP is scheduled to die whilst she's away.

If things got bad, DD can always fly back. My own DD did the same when her Grandad died.

Its a shame she didn't see more of him in his final year of course, but lives can't be put on hold. They're late teens/early twenties. That's not the age to be weighed down by family burdens.

As someone who regularly disappeared overseas on my folks for extended periods with no return dates, I definitely preferred it when we said our goodbyes at home: they live relatively close to a major London airport, though, and would nearly always want to take me etc which is extremely kind - BUT I found it very hard to see that my mother was holding back tears as I went through passport control, and it would inevitably make me cry. It's rubbish enough to have a long haul flight in economy without having to wash your face etc to get rid of the tearstains etc!

That said, I totally understand why parents want to, and would never stop them doing so. However, given your situation and your DH's feelings, I think it would be much more comfortable for all of you to say your goodbyes at home. Plus, it's much, much nicer to have a lift home from the airport, when you are knackered and grubby: and hopefully by the time she's back, you'll have battered your illness into submission too.

She did not say she is terminal! For goodness sake tread carefully.

In your position, I think I'd want DH to go. I agree with others that the location of your goodbye to your dd doesn't actually matter. But I'm sure you'd feel better if your DH could stop being so precious be brave, be adult and take his daughter to the airport, for your sake if nothing else.

I can't understand your dh. Why won't he take his dd to the airport?

That's what you do isn't it?

No, I see that as 'Right, well there's an adult giving them a lift which makes it a bit easier at the start of a long journey - no need for us all to troop down there' even with out the added complication on an illness.

I think at least one of her parents should be there if one if the other's girl's parents are, and as you are not well enough your husband needs to. She won't forget that he couldn't be bothered to do it.

I'm another who's a bit flummoxed by the whole 'devasted' thing.

I can see why you wouldn't go, but I think your husband is being ridiculous. She's going away for an adventure of a lifetime, not dying! I think he and her siblings shoukd definately go and wave her off.

Where is she going? Syria?

No, you have excellent reasons for not going to the airport. You will say goodbye, just not there.

When I left for a long period of travelling I said goodbye to my family at home and my Mum treated me to a taxi to the airport from her house which very much felt like the start of my adventures. I think that was perfect, it would have been so much harder at the airport and I remembered seeing my whole family gathered at the front door waving me off.

Of course when it's DD's turn I'll insist on the airport but only because I'll be surreptitiously boarding the same flight to follow her mind you as she is only three years old that is some time away!

Meh, the 18 yr old should be adult enough not to want her parents but it's fine for the adult not to do it because he'll be too sad.

You are ill, you shouldn't go. Your husband and her siblings can say goodbye from home, too. She needs to grow up. Remind her you love her before she goes.

When I travelled the world... I got on the train and made me own way to the air port..my mother stayed home. There was no need for anyone to see me off. I would feel I was rubbing their noses in it. .and might make her sad.
Yadnbu.

I always got a lift. The last few times I didn't (because dm was dead) were very hard.

I'm so looking forward to take dc to their unis or the airport! (Knowing my luck, the dc will be all-'salright mum, I've got a lift)

Maybe the other friend's parents live much closer to the airport though? As opposed to needing an overnight stay.

I had this when I went travelling as a student. One friend lived relatively near Heathrow so I went to her house and then her parents ran us to the airport. It was totally fine.

But there is also a financial implication here - I didn't get from the OP's post that the reason for an overnight stay was because of her health; rather, that it was because of the distance. So - a night away in a hotel, a long drive, faffing at the airport (plus buying expensive food/drinks etc), hefty parking charges even for a short stay? It starts becoming not terribly cheap, and not all airport hotels (if that's where he will have to stay) have free transfers, either. That's not a cheap proposition!

One of my brothers went away with a couple of friends for some considerable time: the boys who lived further away stayed at my parents before - it made sense, because they are close to the airport. The one from London made his own way on the Tube. My parents took them to the airport, filled them up from Garfunkels or wherever, and saw them off - it wouldn't have made financial sense, or, in fact, any sense, for the two who lived miles away for their parents to bring them, pay out for petrol, pay out for a hotel etc etc just to wave them goodbye.

When you're flying, you need to be able to check in, get sorted out, and go through security etc without being in a flap or upset. Having another person about is only useful in poxy airports Manchester, I'm looking at you where the loo cubicles aren't big enough to fit your luggage trolley in. Otherwise, it's just one more thing to worry about.

I thought the reason the dh wouldn't go was because he would get too upset.

His upset being far more important than hers maybe.