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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not say goodbye to my dd who is leaving

170 replies

onlyoranges · 22/11/2015 14:54

My dd and her best friend are leaving to travel the world, with no idea of when they will return. We are happy/devastated. she wants us to say goodbye at the airport which my dh feels will be too upsetting for us and her younger siblings (who are very upset she is leaving). I told my eldest Ds who was appaulled we are not going. My difficulty is I am currently in treatment for a disease which appears hell bent on killing me and the airport is so far away we would need to stay over and the knock on effect for my health wouldn't be great. But our dd wants us to go and her friends mum is going. My dh is adamant he wants to say goodbye at home as he will become too upset at the airport (and knowing him he will)! Should I go? Should we all say bye at home? Will my dd feel weird her friends mum is there are none of us are. Am
I being mean? If I wasn't so sick I would go in a heart beat but now I just don't know?? Thoughts please?

OP posts:

C8tontherug · 22/11/2015 15:22

Due to your illness I would have a good bye family party at home, not at the airport & make some memories & photos together

There is also alot of time and expense encurred travelling & staying near airports

With modern technology you can still keep in touch in alot of places abroad via mobile phone, facebook, Skype, postcards, letters

So my vote is a NO

I hope your daughter & friend enjoy their travels !

They must have travel insurance !!!

Carry E111 card if in EU

Access to some emergency money

SoWhite · 22/11/2015 15:24

I am very well aware of that Cora, I told her not to travel, so I don't understand your post.

OP said this - "My dd and her best friend are leaving to travel the world, with no idea of when they will return. We are happy/devastated."

It was the "devastated" that I was picking up on. A shared devastation by the family completely unrelated to the health issue.

passmethewineplease · 22/11/2015 15:25

I'd stay at home, I don't really know what the difference is really? You can say goodbye in either place? I'd think a joke goodbye is better tbh, at least then if you cry your eyes out you're in the privacy of your own home and not in front of 100s of strangers!

Your health needs to be considered, also I bet DD wouldn't feel that great about leaving you all at the airport whilst you're all crying either? I wouldn't like that.

BackforGood · 22/11/2015 15:27

Of course YANBU.
It doesn't matter where you say goodbye. Nobody has to be in the airport to do some kind of public display of affection.
I've readily sent various dc off on trips around the world from my front door if that's the way it worked out - there's nothing magical about waving someone through a security check-in at an airport.
Just say goodbye at home and she can travel with her friend and her friend's Mum.

CoraBeth · 22/11/2015 15:29

Okay then sowhite l didn't read it like that initially. Thanks for explaining

PerspicaciaTick · 22/11/2015 15:30

I think that the family should be pulling together to put a brave face on it, wish her luck and love and wave her on her way. And if you are too poorly, then your DH needs to man up and do it. And tell her he's proud of her while he's at it.
Not wallowing at home making her feel guilty.

73dexter · 22/11/2015 15:33

I think that if having support at the airport is important for your dd then your dh should go. My dd was quite nervous about travelling to Australia on her own so she was very glad that we were at the airport to see her off.

SoWhite · 22/11/2015 15:33

I'm with PerspicaciaTick.

The whole family being devastated is a bit much, and very guilt-trippy. You don't have children to enforce a 5 mile radius on them their entire lives.

You give them roots, but you also give them wings. And celebrate the flying.

flixybelle · 22/11/2015 15:33

I would 100% go and I would be pretty annoyed if my DH was being this selfish. If he's that bothered he can drive down and wait in the car/hotel whilst you see her off.

P1nkP0ppy · 22/11/2015 15:34

DS went abroad for a year and DH took him to the airport because I just couldn't face it - I blubbed buckets just dropping him off at university!
As you're clearly unwell I don't think you should go through the extra stress and difficulty of going to the airport.
Your DH definitely needs to go and see her off.

annandale · 22/11/2015 15:38

I'm a bit by this as I just don't see what the issue is. Just say goodbye at home - what difference does it make? TBH I simultaneously think your DH is being a bit ridiculous in every way not feeling able to go to the airport, but if he really does find the whole thing agonising, actually I think it's much more appropriate to say goodbye at home, rather than spending ££££ on petrol and overnight stays, with lots of recovery time, when surely the trip starts when she leaves the house!

Bakeoffcake · 22/11/2015 15:39

I didn't go to the airport when dd2 went off travelling. I'm afraid I was really anxious about her going and I knew could hold it together to say goodbye at home but couldnt guarantee I could do that travelling to the airport. DH took her. (Did had a fab time and is doing it again this summer)

As you are ill I think you have even more reason to stay at home.

73dexter · 22/11/2015 15:42

annadale - I think the issue is that the dd wants her parents to be at the airport to say goodbye to her and neither of them want to go for different reasons.

Morganly · 22/11/2015 15:42

I think she's being selfish and overdramatising, requiring the tearful airport send off like in the films and on TV. You're not well enough, no one else wants to play out their distress in front of the airport audience. Say goodbye at home.

villainousbroodmare · 22/11/2015 15:43

Hubs better man up and go. You should guard your health and stay at home. Try not to be too emotional. It's a great adventure they're going on, not emigration forever. The advice and hugs you have can be given at home. Isn't it terrific that she has this chance? Hope you feel better.

GoneAndDone · 22/11/2015 15:44

Isn't the great big elephant in the room here the fact that you're so ill and she is going away for a long time and you could potentially die while she is away?

purpledasies · 22/11/2015 15:44

I don't understand why you need to travel to ab airport to wave her off. Why not the local station of bus stop or whether she starts her journey from? If the airport would involve an overnight stay, then it's not the start of her travels so wave her off from home instead.

SmokeAlarmsSaveLives · 22/11/2015 15:44

My father worked overseas and saying goodbye was hard and always done at home. We went to the airport once all said never again! I used to travel to see him on my own, made my own way to the airport and couldn't imagine having to have someone to "see me off".

If she is old enough to go travelling she is old enough to understand your health needs. No need for goodbye to be at the airport you can still give her a good send off from home.

salixcaprea · 22/11/2015 15:45

Your dh should go on your behalf

Wobblystraddle · 22/11/2015 15:45

I went travelling at 26 with my best friend.

Our flight was delayed by 12 hours until the evening. In the morning my mum asked me to drive her to the doctor as she felt unwell. He gave her a letter asking for immediate admission to hospital - she was expected to make her own way there. We took her, then we dropped in to see her on the way to the airport. It was horrible as we didn't know what was wrong, how long she would be in for etc. And I was away for a year. I didn't know if they were telling me the truth when I rang home. She was fine in the end, thank goodness.

I was pleased to have someone there to see me off - I think someone Gould go. Yes, it's sad, but a year (or whatever) of skyping, emails etc will soon make it ok.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 22/11/2015 15:48

I'm not really seeing the need for anyone to go to the airport. It's not something I ever would have expected from my parents and I can't really see the problem with a farewell get together at home.

But if it really is important then I think your dh is going to have to put his big boy pants on and do it. Please don't compromise your health over this.

Kittykatmacbill · 22/11/2015 15:50

Sure the airport bus or train (or what ever) is the beginning of the journey not the airport? See them of from there.

PastaLaFeasta · 22/11/2015 15:54

I don't see the problem with a goodbye at home, it's a bit childish to want you to put you out so much financially, time and health wise - I have health issues too and it's not worth it. Airports are boring with very little on the side before you pass security too. She's old enough to get there herself and has her friend with her. It's possibly better for her too as being so upset before the flight takes alway from the excitement, saying goodbye at home gives her time to calm down before arriving at the airport. I have always been fairly independent of my parents sadly so emotional goodbyes would never happen unless I left forever.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 22/11/2015 15:55

YANBU not to go. Your dh, otoh, IBVU.
'Too upsetting'? That's no way to send his dd off on a life-enhancing adventure. Borders on emotional blackmail IMO.

Rebecca2014 · 22/11/2015 15:56

Bless you. From what you said, no you should NOT GO. My sister went travelling the world with her boyfriend, my parents said bye at the door and that was that.

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