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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not say goodbye to my dd who is leaving

170 replies

onlyoranges · 22/11/2015 14:54

My dd and her best friend are leaving to travel the world, with no idea of when they will return. We are happy/devastated. she wants us to say goodbye at the airport which my dh feels will be too upsetting for us and her younger siblings (who are very upset she is leaving). I told my eldest Ds who was appaulled we are not going. My difficulty is I am currently in treatment for a disease which appears hell bent on killing me and the airport is so far away we would need to stay over and the knock on effect for my health wouldn't be great. But our dd wants us to go and her friends mum is going. My dh is adamant he wants to say goodbye at home as he will become too upset at the airport (and knowing him he will)! Should I go? Should we all say bye at home? Will my dd feel weird her friends mum is there are none of us are. Am
I being mean? If I wasn't so sick I would go in a heart beat but now I just don't know?? Thoughts please?

OP posts:
ifyoulikepinacolada · 22/11/2015 17:36

Yanbu but your dh definitely is! No, she doesn't have to have someone see her off, but it would be nicer for her if she did - not because she's immature or shouldn't be going, just because it would mean a lot to her and sometimes it's kind to do things that mean a lot to the people we love.

Of course you shouldn't go - but your husband and son should, and all this talk of being devastated and too emotional etc sound a lot like emotional blackmail to me. What does he want - her to never fly the nest? Honestly.

Paddletonio · 22/11/2015 17:39

Airport goodbye is totally unnecessaryexpecially when it's not convenient or possible for you to do without massively putting yourself out. Surely you can say goodbye at home.

I think she is being very silly, selfish, dramatic etc if she thinks you must come and wave off.

I've spent many years abroad and never once have I expected family members to come sobbing and waving in the departure lounge Confused

DickDewy · 22/11/2015 17:43

When I went travelling for a year, I said my goodbyes to my parents and siblings at home. They were all so emotional and weepy - I couldn't bear the idea of doing it at the airport.

It was much better getting it over and done with at home - and I didn't have the added issues that the OP has.

DarthVadersTailor · 22/11/2015 17:47

What about the knock-on effect for your health and your child of not saying goodbye OP? I get that it's difficult for you but tbh your attitude seems slightly selfish, and I think you might regret it. Not to mention it's hardly going to be nice for your child not being able to say goodbye to their parents.

mrsjanedoe · 22/11/2015 17:47

The airport is where she should be concentrating on making sure she has the right things in her hand luggage, her money, documents and passport are safe

ahem, not really, she should be checking her travel documents and money before leaving home! Grin

HermioneWeasley · 22/11/2015 17:49

I can't understand whether OP is likely to pass away in the next year?

But in any event, it's a ridiculous drama - she can say goodbye and then head to the airport. That way you can do it properly and in comfort, not at a costa coffee while keeping an eye on the time.

What is all the fuss about?

HermioneWeasley · 22/11/2015 17:50

darth - they will be saying goodbye, it's just the location that's under debate.

Floisme · 22/11/2015 17:51

It doesn't take a lot of imagination to see that this isn't a normal 'see you when you get back' kind of goodbye. I don't think it's our place to say how anyone in the family should be feeling about it. Emotions are going to be heightened - for all of them.

Op, if your daughter would like someone at the airport then I think your husband should step up and go.

Helmetbymidnight · 22/11/2015 17:54

I don't imagine she wants people 'sobbing and waving' just a supportive and encouraging smile/hug.

DixieNormas · 22/11/2015 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saoirse31 · 22/11/2015 17:56

Can't imagine not going to airport to see DC off on such a major trip. Given your illness, you have a reason not to go if you don't want to. Your dh sounds like a prat. So it'll be emotional, so what, maybe you'll all feel better after it. Getting emotional isn't actually a bad thing .

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/11/2015 17:57

It sounds to me like your DD wants a big dramatic send off in front of everyone at the airport.

Have a big farewell meal the night before and leave it at that.

Wagglebees · 22/11/2015 17:59

The negatives far out way the benefits.

An brightly lit, loud, uncomfortable busy airport is no place for someone who is very ill. The knock on effects will last days if not weeks. Just to give your dd a hug there instead of at home. Your health is the most important thing here. She's off on an exciting adventure, not to do something bad and she will be back.

HermioneWeasley · 22/11/2015 17:59

Flo if the daughter is sufficiently upset that she needs seeing off at the airport, then she really isn't mature enough to go travelling for a year. As I said, I don't understand the timeline of Op's illness, but either the daughter is OK with it progressing and possibly terminating whole she's away, or she's not and she should reschedule. But the trip to th airport is neither here nor there.

DarthVadersTailor · 22/11/2015 18:01

Aaah missed that bit Hermione, in which case I'm of the same mind as you - say goodbye & make a fuss before the airport journey. Easily done!

FrameyMcFrame · 22/11/2015 18:01

No. You need to stay at home, it's an unnecessary trip.

Floisme · 22/11/2015 18:03

I don't understand the timeline of Op's illness,

None of us do. Maybe the op doesn't either. But I can see how, in circumstances like this, a trip to the airport can take on heightened significance.

Janeymoo50 · 22/11/2015 18:04

Someone should go.....if not you, and I totally understand why, then at heart DH and it doesn't matter if he cries but he may well not. I went away and albeit it hard it was lovely having my mum see me off.

ottothedog · 22/11/2015 18:05

The dh should go.

WordGetsAround · 22/11/2015 18:08

As you're counting - don't go. Knock on effects of ill health and tiredness will impact the rest of the family for days, if not weeks. Not worth it. Say goodbye well - it doesn't matter where. Best of luck with your health.

LeaLeander · 22/11/2015 18:14

Don't go. See her off at local station or on your doorstep.

I am in US and non-travelers aren't even permitted inside airport anyway. Are family allowed to go all the way to the jetway gate in the UK?

whois · 22/11/2015 18:18

If she's made the decision to go, she should be happy with you saying goodbye at home. What an utterly selfish request.

mamapants · 22/11/2015 18:19

Why would two sets of people drive to the airport Confused
Surely friend's parents drive the pair of them to the airport.
I don't even understand why you would be going even if you were in good health, what a waste of time and money.

witsender · 22/11/2015 18:20

Your dh should go. He is her father and your husband, he needs to be strong for both of you.

whois · 22/11/2015 18:21

Also there is nothing to be gained from a big public display of crying and shuff at the airport. She just needs to change her way of thinking and decide that the 'journey' starts when she leaves he house not when she walks through the departure security queue like she's in some shit teen film n