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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not say goodbye to my dd who is leaving

170 replies

onlyoranges · 22/11/2015 14:54

My dd and her best friend are leaving to travel the world, with no idea of when they will return. We are happy/devastated. she wants us to say goodbye at the airport which my dh feels will be too upsetting for us and her younger siblings (who are very upset she is leaving). I told my eldest Ds who was appaulled we are not going. My difficulty is I am currently in treatment for a disease which appears hell bent on killing me and the airport is so far away we would need to stay over and the knock on effect for my health wouldn't be great. But our dd wants us to go and her friends mum is going. My dh is adamant he wants to say goodbye at home as he will become too upset at the airport (and knowing him he will)! Should I go? Should we all say bye at home? Will my dd feel weird her friends mum is there are none of us are. Am
I being mean? If I wasn't so sick I would go in a heart beat but now I just don't know?? Thoughts please?

OP posts:
TheExMotherInLaw · 22/11/2015 15:56

Don't go - you need to conserve your health. She has chosen to go, it's not up to her to dictate where you say goodbye, or to show that she has a retinue of family weeping as she leaves.

Rafflesway · 22/11/2015 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

73dexter · 22/11/2015 15:59

I don't get the idea that the dd is asking for a full retinue of weeping family to be at the airport, just a family member to be present to say goodbye to her.

OnTheEdgeToday · 22/11/2015 16:05

It makes no difference where you say good bye. It would be better having a farewell get together or something beforehand, and then a normal goodbye before she leaves for the airport.
Going to the airport is no good for your health, you hubby isnt comfortable with it, it will cost you ridiculous money, considering you would need put up for the night and all for what...for your dd to have a goodbye like her friends are having. Its a bit ridiculous if you ask me, and not worth it. It certainly doesnt mean that her friends parents care more or will miss their child more than you will

OhPillocks · 22/11/2015 16:06

Oh blimey, it all sounds a bit OTT and emotional. I wouldn't go to the airport even if there was no illness to consider. I'd have a nice family goodbye at home. It would be more relaxing and enjoyable.

I don't understand why saying goodbye at the airport would be more meaningful than saying goodbye at home Confused
Surely it's nicer to say goodbye somewhere private and where everyone is relaxed and comfortable.

VodkaValiumLattePlease · 22/11/2015 16:07

I would be pretty upset if me and a friend was going away and she had her family at the airport for her and I was on my own...

OnTheEdgeToday · 22/11/2015 16:10

They are only going there to wave. Its pointless imo

green18 · 22/11/2015 16:17

Saying goodbye is what is important, not where it is said.

mrsjanedoe · 22/11/2015 16:18

If I understand correctly, she is going on holiday for a year? So, no, an adult doesn't need an airport goodbye for that!

I understand if she needs a lift - I did when I went backpacking, could have done without, but it was nice and easier, so my big brother drove me to the airport.

There's nothing to regret about not going, don't worry, what are you missing? the queue to check-in, and waving when she goes through security? Your energy would be much better spend with a little good-bye party (I mean a small one).

I hope your daughter has a wonderful time, travelling is so exciting!

PurpleHairAndPearls · 22/11/2015 16:18

GoneAndDone did you mean to be so much of a massive twat? Have a bit of sense ffs.

Op, I am ill and my DH would definitely be taking her, particularly if he knew I would have wanted to go. He is used to "representing" us both by now. You can say your goodbyes at home. I understand your DD wishing someone was there to wave them off, particularly if her friend has someone there too. DH wouldn't be bothered about getting upset in public though he would try not to show it to DD probably!

Buy your DH some tissues and if he takes the other DC and they have a stay in the Travel Lodge or whatever, it will be a nice trip for them?

captainfarrell · 22/11/2015 16:18

I hate airport goodbyes. Too many strangers. Say goodbye at home, you can have a private moment. Your dd can then get her tears out of the way and be at the airport with a clearer head and a positive mood. Get well soon by the way Flowers

SoWhite · 22/11/2015 16:21

Isn't the great big elephant in the room here the fact that you're so ill and she is going away for a long time and you could potentially die while she is away?

Crossed my mind too.

Optimist1 · 22/11/2015 16:23

If you and your DH say your goodbyes at home your daughter's friend can support her in the immediate tissue-fest. By the time they're at the airport, your daughter can return the favour to her friend once she's said goodbye to her folks.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 22/11/2015 16:24

If you're still counting please add my vote to the 'your husband should go and everyone should stop emotionally blackmailing your dd' pile.

MySordidCakeSecret · 22/11/2015 16:26

yanbu it sounds silly to me.. what's the difference in saying bye at home or at the airport? not worth suffering over!

catfordbetty · 22/11/2015 16:26

A farewell isn't made more authentic because it's held at the airport. Good on your daughter for travelling the world - I wish I had - but insisting you say goodbye at the departure gate is completely unnecessary.

winterland · 22/11/2015 16:27

I'd go in heartbeat. When I left for long term travels it was lt was lovely to have my parents there. The siblings will be fine. It gives proper closure to the goodbye.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/11/2015 16:27

I say no. I say you shouldn't further jeopardise your health by putting yourself out like that. What difference is it realistically going to make to your DD? Is she after the melodrama of waving good bye as she disappears through to have her Departures?

It's not fun. She'll have her friend, and her friend's mum, so it's not like there is no one there with her.

I think you need to be a bit "selfish" (and by that, I mean do what is best for you ) under these circs and say no, you're really not well enough and it's too upsetting for your DH, so you're very sorry but it will be a home farewell.

How long is she likely to be away for, realistically? I know you've no end-date in sight, but is it weeks, months, years?

Oh and if your eldest DS is so appalled by you not going, HE could jolly well go with her!

Mintyy · 22/11/2015 16:28

I think its a shame your daughter can't put her plans on hold.

Armi · 22/11/2015 16:28

I would say goodbye at home and send DH and siblings to the airport. If he gets upset he can use a tissue and bloody get on with it like everyone else.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/11/2015 16:29

I should imagine that the OP and her DD are rather hoping that there would be no need for her plans to be put on hold, because she'll still be around when her DD gets back, eh?

SoWhite · 22/11/2015 16:30

I think its a shame your daughter can't put her plans on hold.

Why should she?

MTWTFSS · 22/11/2015 16:31

YANBU! Good-byes should be done at home full stop!!!

However, you should COLLECT loved ones from the airport just like in the film Love Actually so you better hurry up and get better soon Wink

IguanaTail · 22/11/2015 16:32

You have to make your own decision, of course. Just remember that sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter.

Mintyy · 22/11/2015 16:32

I'm not saying she should I'm saying it would be nice if she would as op is terminally ill.