To think that I must be the only mum in the country who's never had a night off?

[VondaRedbush]

DS is 2.4 and I've not had a night out/off since he was born. I recently had a milestone birthday and was only able to go out for lunch with DH. Everyone else I know of has, for their birthdays, been out for meals/drinking or gone on whole weekends away.

(The reason I've not had a night/evening off is that I'm the only one who can get DS to bed - he's still breastfed AND we co sleep. I'm becoming more and more fed up with it but can't see a way out. )

So, am I really the only mum to never ever get an evening off??? I'm starting to feel so isolated and socially inept .

No you're not the only one by far. I did that too but I didn't want a night out, so I didn't complain.

If it's something you want, then you need to make it happen.

BFing is a relationship between you and your DS, no-one else's opinions matter so don't stop because strangers on the internet tell you, stop if that is what you want but don't if you don't.

Having said that I think you are being a bit PFB, he's 2 and your BFing relationship can change to suit you if you want a night out. tell your DS 'Daddy is doing bedtime tonight' and go to an exercise class or the cinema and let DH deal with him, you'll be back soon if needed but I can pretty much guarantee if your DH is committed to getting him to bed you'll come home to a sleepy house. Try that a few times and when you are confident he can settle without you have a night out together using a babysitter that is unflappable and good with toddlers.

I have 3 kids, 2 of which were/are BF longer than the stage you are at. All could cope with me having a night out, under 1 I fed before going out, later I would leave DH to put them to bed by himself. After 2 they could cope with me being away for a few days (work or DH taking them to visit the grandparents) without it affecting BFing. Children are resilent at 2, they can cope with changes to their routine. Don't sacrifice yourself if you don't want to.

Haven't rtft but i still bf an embarrassingly older child to sleep and I've been out loads of times - yes it was hard going on dh the first couple of times but absolutely fine now.

Sorry didn't really finish that- dc gets a feed when I am here but does without when I am not.

Some of these responses are horrible. No need to stop bf or cosleeping, they are perfectly valid choices, not a 'rod for her back' and they don't need to mean that you can't go out OP.

I have recently stopped feeding (DD was 2.5 and self weaned) but before that I still went out occasionally, and I still missed bedtimes due to being at work. You will be surprised at how easily he can settle for someone else. His Dad needs to step up and help, that way you can feel confident that he is with a parent and being cared for.

At 2.5 your DS will understand if you explain what's happening. So sit down and explain mummy won't be here at bedtime tonight because she at work (or whatever) and that daddy will be here instead. Then leave the house and let your DH get on with it.

He can't bf, obviously, but he can give expressed milk or cows milk, at 2.5 he is old enough to try hot chocolate as a treat maybe, then his dad can lie down with him until he falls asleep. They will make a new routine between themselves.

The first few times my DH took over bedtimes there were some tears but it's not the same as leaving them to CIO, they are with a parent and being cared for.

Once you're comfortable with DH doing it you can then try a sitter. My DD goes to sleep in minutes for her Grandma and is a total Angel. Much more arsing around when I'm here to be honest.

I haven't RTFT because martyrdom bores me but why can't you just express milk and have a. It out. Simples.

I meant 'have a night out' (I've drank your share of the wine)!

oh fgs stop breastfeeding

Er yes, yabu. You are choosing to be a martyr

kids need to see women IMO
a) at work
b) having their own life outside of the home

it sounds like a reverse by someone who's tired of hearing someone else complain!

What do you do when your child nurses to sleep? How long usually before the first waking? Because you could probably go out at this point for a while.

Anyway, I know it seems impossible, I also nurse my 3 year old and usually co-sleep part of the night. But I have found that on the few occasions I've tried it if I'm not there he finds other ways to settle with DH. DH will get him ready for bed then let him stay up with him till he falls asleep then transfer him usually. That might change in future, as now DH does the first part of his bedtime routine and I just go in to nurse him to sleep.

But really if you aren't there he won't expect to be nursed and will just fall asleep another way. He might be a bit upset or confused that you aren't there for a while but he will be okay, especially if you let DH do his own thing and don't expect him to follow the normal routine that emphasises your not there-ness. And it isn't the end of the world if he doesn't sleep and has a late night.

You don't have to give up breastfeeding and co-sleeping altogether if you don't want to right now. There are ways around it.

outside of mumsnet everyone would look at this thread and think

er... WEIRDO

My oldest is 31 (so 31 years)./.......so may be I win the prize as I still have my teenagers 365 nights a year... although they wouldn't object if I were out, I'm sure and I've been away on business trips etc sometimes over the last 31 as I've also worked full time over that whole period without a break.
I would lusually want to breastfed when my 5 were feeding from me as it's easier than expressing.

Being a martyr isn't good parenting.

But this situation was of your own making

Wow, the responses here are awful and completely anti-bf. "A rod for your back" - FFS what a ridiculous comment. The WHO advice is actually "bf to 2 years old and beyond", and there's no problem with allowing the child to self-wean. If the OP's child wants to feed for another few years and the OP is happy to oblige, that's THEIR decision to make, not for others to criticise. OP, I suggest you look into a bf support group and get advice there. AIBU really isn't the place for it.

Oh and well done for bf for 2.5 years. The benefits of feeding well into toddlerhood are amazing.

The poor child would be lost if the mother were rushed off to hospital for a week.

You don't have to stop breastfeeding entirely, but at 2.5 you can just explain to your child that you are going out tonight and the babysitting will put him to bed.

If you want to go out, you can. Nothing is stopping you really.

It isn't anti breast feeding. It is perfectly possible to breast feed and have time off. Great for the child to have a break too and develop a close bond with others too.

I think the op lit a firework here then ran.

Oh, for heaven's sake!
Wean him! He doesn't need milk at night.
Move him into his own bed.

You made this situation - of course you can change it. You're the adult here...

We have a 14 month old who is breastfeeding (not co sleeping) but a bit of a tricky sleeper. We were talking about asking one of the nursery nurses at her nursery to babysit as we have no local family. We're planning on putting her to bed then going out.

Hiding from the onslaught I expect! I get you, op. Sometimes what feels like the best and easiest option becomes a ball and chain without you even noticing. It's the frog in a pan of heating water thing! I am still bfing my 21mo. (Not cosleeping, never could cope with that and get any sleep!) I can go out, her dad can settle her to sleep, but I've never been able to have a night away, which I'd love. Plus I've been breastfeeding one child or another for most of the past eight years, and iv3 had enough! But DD sleeps through beautifully right now, which was vv hard won, and I don't want to do anything that might upset the applecart. Unbroken sleep is worth almost any sacrifice! Sometimes decisions that feel easy from the outside arent so straightforward when you are living them yourself.

Pretend, thats an ironuc username! Seriously, you genuinely can't imagine somebody feeding a child to sleep for 2.5 yrs?! It doesnt require that much imagination... There are some ops that stretch credibility on here, but this really ain't one of them.