To think that I must be the only mum in the country who's never had a night off?

[VondaRedbush]

DS is 2.4 and I've not had a night out/off since he was born. I recently had a milestone birthday and was only able to go out for lunch with DH. Everyone else I know of has, for their birthdays, been out for meals/drinking or gone on whole weekends away.

(The reason I've not had a night/evening off is that I'm the only one who can get DS to bed - he's still breastfed AND we co sleep. I'm becoming more and more fed up with it but can't see a way out. )

So, am I really the only mum to never ever get an evening off??? I'm starting to feel so isolated and socially inept .

The problem is all your own making.

The solution is down to you.

I didn't have a proper "night off" for about 7 years as I bf and co-slept with both my sons and they woke frequently. Eventually I did sometimes go out for a while after they'd gone to bed. However, the big difference for me is that I was perfectly happy with this situation. I'm an older mum, my wild youth was behind me and I was very lucky that my good friends were also at home or worked freelance so were available to socialise during the day.

Oh obviously you'd get the rod for your own back comments. Does it ever occur to some people that breastfeeding and co sleeping is the only way to get any sleep?? That's so unhelpful why bother replying??? If you do want to wean off there are some helpful hints on the kelly mom website, but if you do want to continue bf please know that he WILL settle without you eventually.

I've had two BF bottle refusing babies. The first 6 months, there was only a tiny window of time I could go out between feeds. Ds2 was still having plentiful day feeds when I went back to work, so he skipped those happily in my absence and carried on when I was there.

Having learnt from the Ds1 experience, I went away for 4 days (with my breast pump!) when he was 12 months (having assumed that he'd have dropped most feeds by then, by hey ho...) and when I came back, feeding carried on as normal. We kept going until 20 months when BFing began to feel more like a burden to me. Not that it restricted my actions, but that I'd run my time and he was getting irritatingly demanding about it. So we stopped. No drama, no fuss. After 3 days he didn't ask again.

Yabu in that you are martyring yourself and complaining about the cost of your actions without attempting to make a change.

DH and I have to get someone in to babysit so it's usually for a sporadic group night out. Because the people we ask have had various circumstances in the last 18 months, it's been that long since we've been out on a date for ourselves, and we should do something about it.

It feels a gamble leaving your children in new circumstances, but try it. You will either win, or worst case, child and baby sitter have a rough evening, but they'll get over it, and you need that break. Cut off for a few hours and get the change you need. You won't know the outcome without trying.

You don't HAVE to wean, that's the point.

One night won't hurt the bairn and if he's unsettled he's unsettled. The more you do it the more they get used to it.

Not letting anyone else do bedtime IS making a rod for your own back.

I went out... I attended all-night births too, and my daughter co-slept and bf until she was three... Once she realised I wasn't there, she just fell asleep again. They survive!

i would wean him off breastfeeding straight away. he's well old enough now to manage without breast milk. regain your freedom.

i would end the co-sleeping tonight. he should be in his own bed by now. the lack of sex alone would have me climbing the walls. does your husband not mind having a child in your bed? i would, if i was DH.

be proactive and start taking positive steps to both you and DS gaining some independence.

You don't have to wean him if you don't want to, but you can go out.
He will go to sleep for someone else, just probably not at the usual time and not in the usual way. Will be no harm to him to have one night different and sounds like it would do you the world of good.
Do you have a friend or family member who you trust who would baby sit? If not, I would suggest that you leave him with dh and go out with friends (even though a night out with dh would be good I'm sure).
Do it, then you will realise it can be done.

I recently had my first night out in ages, but not quite as long as you, for the first time recently. DD has only ever been bf to sleep, but she went down fine that night with Mil.

DS is almost 3 and i / we always put him to bed but can go out once he's sound asleep for a few hours... Can't you do that?

You only have sex in bed baroness? Don't you have an imagination?

Christ me and my husband have seperate bedrooms, I should have positively healed up by now

We have a disabled boy and struggle to go out but when we do... Birthdays etc ... We just put him to bed and then go out!!!

It's not the co sleeping and feeding, it's the fact they can't go to sleep without. My eldest is almost 6 and still co sleeps a lot, however he settles to sleep himself and doesn't need to co sleep, just prefers sometimes. Mine also both breastfed until over 3, but never ever even as tinies fed them to sleep. Fed in living room so completely seperate from sleep

You need to do similar. Can you make it so you only breastfeed now unrelated to sleep. So maybe just in the morning in living room? And sleep co sleeping is fine, but they need to learn to self settle in your bed. So story, kiss, goodnight. And let them fall asleep alone

I've never had a night away from 3.2yo DS. Unless you count being in hospital delivering the 2nd baby as a night off . My milestone birthday involved lunch in the food court of a large shopping centre. I didn't mind though.

No way is this OP real, but for the benefit of the martyrs out there, I'm a single parent with no family for 1000 miles and no real friends I can ask either.

I've still managed to have a night out since having kids!

I BFed DS before bed until he was 2.1yo. Then each night for about a week we had a chat about him being a big boy now. He understood perfectly and was fine to finish the BF. We had cuddles in bed instead, which he loved. I was amazed as I was dreading it to be honest. If you want to give it up, perhaps your LO will surprise you too.

and the OP is where????

Don't be a martyr to it. I fed my daughter until 4 years 8 months.
We still cosleep now (her choice) aged 7.

Since she was 13 months, I worked away - at that age, about 2x 3 night bursts per month.

Trust me, when it's a financial necessity, you find a way for dad to settle them - that way is just TIME.

OP is hopefully halfway to the pub with pals after leaving the child with his dad for bedtime!

Run away 2016diary, she has run away! And I'm not overly surprised. Saturday night AIBU...will I call it flaming? Roasting? Grilling or toasting? Anyway, she didn't have her fireproof pants on.

Take the good advice OP, have a look at how much you really do want out. If it's a strong urge, then go! Your toot will be absolutely fine! Or do a gradual change but I imagine that'll take yonks to work!

I was still breast feeding and co sleeping at that age as well. She had her own bed but I left her to decide where she slept and I still do sometimes she wants company and it's my bed, sometimes hers.

At 3 Dd started having overnights with her Dad the fact that we coslept was irrevalent she fell asleep fine. I make sure she has 1 night out a month either at my parents at her Dads so that she is used to it in case I'm not around with work events etc.

There are still plenty of benefits if big breast feeding and co sleeping at your child's age but that doesn't mean you can't go out.

How do you know that no one else can get your PFB off to sleep if you have never let him? - I have a friend just like you, she assumed she was the only one who could comfort her children to sleep - they really played up to her, she never slept through the night even though her children were 10 & 8 - they always came into bed with her and her DH who was thoroughly fed up with the situation. She finally left them with close family for one night - what a surprise, they slept through.

Stop being such a martyr - you are entirely responsible for enabling this situation. What would happen if you were rushed into hospital or worse?

And why does everyone assume that 'a night out' means going out on the town or similar? I left my newborn baby at ten days old (with my mum) to go to a community event that meant a lot to me - hardly going out on the piss.

It isn't a healthy situation for anyone. Other people can cope - advertise for a babysitter. Make it clear that mummy has friends and time off!
A break does everyone a power of good- including the child.

I always feel sorry for the father - he never gets time alone- it is so unfair. He can cope just as well, if allowed to do it.

Op's not been back

Well, my oldest is 11 and I've not had a night off yet! No one has ever offered to have them but honestly, it doesn't bother me. They're my children and my responsibility.