Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that I must be the only mum in the country who's never had a night off?

255 replies

VondaRedbush · 21/11/2015 18:28

DS is 2.4 and I've not had a night out/off since he was born. I recently had a milestone birthday and was only able to go out for lunch with DH. Everyone else I know of has, for their birthdays, been out for meals/drinking or gone on whole weekends away.

(The reason I've not had a night/evening off is that I'm the only one who can get DS to bed - he's still breastfed AND we co sleep. I'm becoming more and more fed up with it but can't see a way out. )

So, am I really the only mum to never ever get an evening off??? I'm starting to feel so isolated and socially inept Sad.

OP posts:
Mehitabel6 · 21/11/2015 20:49

It is unfair on the child if they were left for a week having not done an evening. It is very unfair on DH that he never gets time alone- he always has someone 'in charge'. He is also old enough to be given an explanation and an alternative.

Nonono · 21/11/2015 20:49

They are little for such a short time don't imagine you are the only one in this situation. It can be done especially when they are that bit older. At this age they can undestand what you say and that you are nit abanoning them. All parents and their little ones can cope but it can take commitment to make yourself go out if you want to. My own would understand even at this age when I just explained that they have time out with their friends and so were positively encouraging me to go out and have a nice time.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 21/11/2015 20:51

In the week I was in hospital having dd (had to stay in for medical reasons), now-ex set himself up with new woman.

Dd is 2 1/2. My nearest family is 250 miles away. What is this night off about which you speak?

But I am happy. My dcs are happy. They both sleep through, in their own beds.

I wouldn't particularly want a babysitter, as dd has several medical issues.

But when we go visiting family, they will take them for a couple of hours.
Dd has also just started her free 15 hours a week of nursery. So I get a few minutes to myself.

So, no. You are not the only one.

sarahquilt · 21/11/2015 20:54

Whatever about breastfeeding, surely they can sleep in their own bed?

DixieNormas · 21/11/2015 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

XiCi · 21/11/2015 21:00

I'm baffled. I cosleep and if I go out either put her to sleep first then me and dh go out or I just go out with my friends and leave dh to it. She has also slept at my mums on a few occasions and loved it. I dont understand what is stopping you having a night out.

DixieNormas · 21/11/2015 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrCoconut · 21/11/2015 21:05

As a natural term breastfeeder I am not going to tell you you brought it on yourself etc. I will say it is possible to get your DS to stop feeding and it may be easier than you expect. dS2 was 3 when we stopped feeding and co sleeping (because I was expecting DS3). We got him a new big boys bed and let him choose bedding. He could play on or in the bed initially to get used to it. Then DH took him away for the weekend. He had to settle without me. They did lots of cool "big boy who doesn't need booby any more" things. When he came home he was into being a big boy and never fed again. We had the odd wobble but a talk and a cuddle was enough to solve it. You need a definite plan and everyone on board with it.

PurpleGreenAvocado · 21/11/2015 21:06

No, you aren't the only one. It's been 18 years.

JustAWeeProblem · 21/11/2015 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeverlyGoldberg · 21/11/2015 21:18

I'm not anti breast feeding, far from it, it's an amazing thing to do, but don't do it if you're fed up and it's interfering with your happiness. The child needs a happy mum more than he needs breast milk.

Breadwidow · 21/11/2015 21:37

Poor op. Some of these posts are so mean. Breastfeeding and co sleeping into toddlerhood is the norm in most of the world, and I bet the OP didn't feel like she chose it, it just was the only thing which got her baby to sleep when he was little and now he's 2.5. But I do agree that it's perfectly possible to go out - I have a bf cosleeping 14 month old DD and had a night out last night. She was fine, cried a bit but fine. However what no one seems to have mentioned is that maybe her DH or other family member isn't willing to do the bedtime / night duties. Everyone is assuming that the OP won't let her DH / DM etc have a go at bedtime but in order to go out you need to have DH/DM etc whose willing to do bed time / night time even though it may be difficult. I think this is especially true for a bf child who will have a very diff routine when mum is not there and this will mean the first night out for the mother may well be hard for the person at home with the child. Even my SAHD DH who coped fine without me overnight (when I was travelling for work) when DS was 12-18 months has been a bit of an areas about me having a night out this time around - in the end I just went out and came home quite a bit later than he expected. He got over it and I've had a few nights out since

Only1scoop · 21/11/2015 21:41

Op you've not come back to your first ever thread?

Are you having a night out on the tiles?

CPtart · 21/11/2015 22:03

And this is why no baby of mine never ever ever slept in our bed.
Do you like to feel needed or something OP?
Your DC won't thank you for this martyrdom when they're older you know. They won't even remember it.

Thisismyfirsttime · 21/11/2015 22:06

I think OP has had a hard time because from the thread title I thought, as did some other pp's from reading the thread, that perhaps she was a single parent with no support. Or that she has a child with some form of special needs or health issues that meant she couldn't leave them. I know several people who do/ did fall into those categories and so having a child who bf's and co sleeps which makes OP choose not to go out makes her seem like she's martyring herself. It doesn't seem as though having no-one to babysit is a problem because otherwise surely it would have been mentioned, it is quite a big factor!

Alyselisabeth · 21/11/2015 22:11

I personally wouldn't want to bf my dc at nearly 3 and I've never wanted to co-sleep but each to their own.

What I can't understand is why you can't put him to bed and then go out? Or is it he stays up until you go to bed too?

My birthday wasn't that long after my dd was born (about a month) and I bf and put her down with my mum babysitting and I went out for dinner with my dh. I was back 1.5 hrs later ready for her next feed.

We've always maintained date night, once a month when dd was little and I always did the same, bf and put her down then went out.
She wanted to stop bf at 10 months (I was gutted).

I think you have to be stricter at bed time. We got into bad habits and they were hard to break but I'm so glad I did early as now she's at school the last thing I'd want is a struggle every bed time.
Wish u luck X

Mehitabel6 · 21/11/2015 22:33

Of course DH should be willing to do night time duties with his child - he is equal parent! Start at the beginning- simply go out and leave him to it. He will cope. It would be a bit odd if you announced that the mother wasn't willing to do night time duties! It is no different. They are both responsible.

Mehitabel6 · 21/11/2015 22:35

OP says that she is unhappy about the situation and that she is the only one who can get him to bed- this is because she simply doesn't leave and let someone do it. If she just went they would have to manage.

Original poster
VondaRedbush · 21/11/2015 22:36

Right, have just had nightmare getting DS to bed as he had a really late nap, didn't realise it was so late - sorry I've not been back on. Just need to finish reading all your wonderful posts but it's not looking good for me so far ...

OP posts:
rubymallorywhite · 21/11/2015 22:45

I can't offer any advice on the feeding but my little one (2.5) ends up in my bed most nights,
I worried & thought oh no I can't let her stay anywhere else she'll not settle / get up.
Wrong!
It's comfort she's after & a habit she's gotten into.
If she's sleeping over with family she knows I'm not there, sleeps like a log all night long.
Give it a try, realistically what is the worst that can happen,
You may be pleasantly surprised (& find out the attachment is a 2 way thing)

AbeSaidYes · 21/11/2015 22:53

Wow.

Just wow.

Still feeding my four year old here, still,co-sleeping.
Only had one night out all night and about three out til midnight.

You are not alone.

People here don't seem to understand, have confidence in your choices.

somepeopledontknowthat · 21/11/2015 22:53

What's the point of whingeing about your milestone birthday. Presumably you knew it was coming? Plan in advance, no? Meh, no sympathy.

somepeopledontknowthat · 21/11/2015 22:55

"People here don't seem to understand, have confidence in your choices."

How about don't whine about your choices? Am I on here whingeing that I don't get to cuddle my DC at night as I chose not to co-sleep? No, I'm not. So why make a choice and then whinge about the outcome?

KeepOnMoving1 · 21/11/2015 22:55

Abe it's about complaining about a situation which the op has complete control of and the ability to change.

DixieNormas · 21/11/2015 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.