To completely brush off friends bragging about how much she has spent on Xmas especially since she's possibly committing fraud

[SuzCorrigan1]

Top and bottom basically one of my friends (so called) who I believe to be committing benefit fraud will not stop boasting about how much money she has spent on Christmas. She has four children, she is supposedly a "struggling" single parent but nothing could be further from the truth. I found out recently (through a mutual friend) that she made her partner move in with his brother so that she could claim benefits as a single parent. Her partner has a full time job but she is greedy mare and all she thinks and talks about is money so nothing surprises me with her.

I myself am married with two children, and combined me and dh being home a decent income, nothing lavish but we live a decent life and can afford treats, holidays etc. Despite not struggling to often financially we set a budget for both our children each Christmas and we try and stick to it, they get a number of well thought out gifts that we know they will enjoy. I told my friend what I had bought my children (after she had ryhmed off each and every gift she had bought her children and the cost of all of them!) and she was literally gobsmacked and told me that their gifts sounded nice but she couldn't ever imagine spending so little! Now I've spent around £350 per child which I think is fine, but she has spent £900 per child, and whilst usually I wouldn't care what others spend (not in the slightest) she is committing fraud and she dares try and shame me! Aibu to want to end the friendship and give her a good hard slap in the face (or maybe just a cold harsh dose of reality lol)

So your friend spilled all this information without any input from you? And you made no attempt to discourage this stream of facts?
You still haven't explained why you're so involved with someone you don't like.

She's definitely doing something wrong, even if it is only morally and not legally. But that's my point she's not even clever enough to keep her mouth shut and just get on with it, she has to go on and on about how much she's spending.

OK, I haven't been very clear about the budget thing. I meant it is not classy to say "we must spend AT LEAST XXXX" on xmas presents for DC. I meant a minimum, not a maximum. Because that's how this is coming across - the OP saying she is spending £350 on her dc seems like a huge amount to me.

Sorry if I was not clear. I meant a minimum not a maximum.

You don't have to listen to it or associate with her.

I've been reported by petty-minded busybodies four times that I know of ssd. The first time made me homeless. The next three investigations were dropped after a brief exchange of letters. Each time was fucking terrifying - as it is, too, to notice people sitting in a car outside your house 20 hours a day, up to five days in a row, with a clipboard. And to find someone going through your recycling bin, saying he works for the DWP.

So, yeah, I'm none too keen on the endless stream of threads about 'friends' whom posters have decided are cheating. I think I've agreed the 3rd person should be reported twice, out of hundreds of threads.

And you're not clever enough to change the subject or end the friendship. So a good pair then.

I've been slowly distancing myself from her for a while now but she isn't getting the hint. I work full time but have recently changed my hours from five full days and now do (40 hours over 4 days) so have one day during the week to myself whilst my children are at school, she turns up on this day almost every week despite knowing that this is the only day (child free) to get things done, she will come and sit for hours at a time whilst I'm literally in the middle of washing and ironing and will endlessly go on and on about the woes of being a single parent but then in the next breath how much she has spent on this and that, she's absolutely exhausting.

Anyway, Suz, I agree - YANBU to completely brush off friends bragging :) So brush it off!

Are you suggesting that the friend who is not a friend and the friend who is a friend are both claiming the exact same benefits? Because one of them must be pulling your leg, surely? I know you consider one of them genuinely single and one of them fraudulently claiming to be single - but how is one struggling so badly that you help her out and one able to spend £900/child? Are benefits that generous? It sounds more likely that one is getting themselves into debt and one is living within their means?

If you think it's fraud - report it and let someone else investigate. Then think no more about it.

Actually the fact that the OP automatically assumed I was suggesting she should not set a maximum spend on xmas presents says it all really.

I was saying the opposite. Who cares how little you spend if the present is enjoyed and appreciated? Do your dc ask for receipts with their gifts?

doesnt mean loads of people arent playing the system garlik, even though you arent.

So you completely lack any ability to set boundaries then?

Honestly OP you sound like you really can't stick her, if she's that much of a nightmare then end the friendship. If you're convinced she's behaving illegally then report her.

"I'm totally hopeless at the minute trying to do links on this phone but if you google Hmrc or DwP specifically what criteria they use to define a couple the information is right there"

Okay. Don't think I found the sections you were referring to, OP, but I did find this www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/452145/uc-and-couples-q-and-a-aug2015.pdf which said

"DWP counts two people as being in a couple if they live in the same household and:
 are married to each other
 are civil partners of each other, or
 are living together as if they were married "

There were other less definitive documents came up in my search, most referring to a five-point criteria. In those, the number of nights the person 'stayed over' were not relevant, being 'registered' (electoral register, CT, mail, etc) as living elsewhere was relevant.

Although I see that it could be a grey area, on the basis of what I (albeit not very thoroughly) read, the dwp would not regard them to be living together.

Agree Suz, £50 buys nothing now.

My son wants WiiU games, £30-£40 each. Happy buying them for him but his pile will look small Christmas morning!!

I'd ignore this "friend" OP, karma will catch up eventually! x

Since you are so honest with yourself, go and check entitledto.org.uk to get a rough idea of what your friend is living on.

Yeah she may have spent more than you in Christmas presents but she might not be spending as much as you do in your day to day life during the year.

I doubt very much that she has kicked her partner out to get benefits, but if he is not living with her or contributing to her expenses, she is not commiting fraud, benefits do not ask for celibacy, you know?

I know some low income people who spend a stupid amount of money in Christmas presents but who live a very frugal life during the year. As much as I found this silly, it is their right to spend their spare money in whichever way they choose.

Evening all, quite a few reports pinging in about this thread, could we all remember the peace and love, please?

usual I think MNHQ heard you

Try it again in camping usual - see if you have a hotline

OP, I have 2 pieces of advice for you.

Firstly distance yourself from this friend. Friends should make you happy and she doesn't. She sounds awful. You're better off without this friendship.

Secondly, don't post this stuff on aibu. It was bound to turn into a bun fight. It brings out the worst in everyone.

By the by, I particularly enjoyed the patronising comment about what is considered classy by the comfortably off