To completely brush off friends bragging about how much she has spent on Xmas especially since she's possibly committing fraud

[SuzCorrigan1]

Top and bottom basically one of my friends (so called) who I believe to be committing benefit fraud will not stop boasting about how much money she has spent on Christmas. She has four children, she is supposedly a "struggling" single parent but nothing could be further from the truth. I found out recently (through a mutual friend) that she made her partner move in with his brother so that she could claim benefits as a single parent. Her partner has a full time job but she is greedy mare and all she thinks and talks about is money so nothing surprises me with her.

I myself am married with two children, and combined me and dh being home a decent income, nothing lavish but we live a decent life and can afford treats, holidays etc. Despite not struggling to often financially we set a budget for both our children each Christmas and we try and stick to it, they get a number of well thought out gifts that we know they will enjoy. I told my friend what I had bought my children (after she had ryhmed off each and every gift she had bought her children and the cost of all of them!) and she was literally gobsmacked and told me that their gifts sounded nice but she couldn't ever imagine spending so little! Now I've spent around £350 per child which I think is fine, but she has spent £900 per child, and whilst usually I wouldn't care what others spend (not in the slightest) she is committing fraud and she dares try and shame me! Aibu to want to end the friendship and give her a good hard slap in the face (or maybe just a cold harsh dose of reality lol)

Let me assure you this isn't shit, I fail to see what I would get out of making up such a story?

No point pulling that line for me ssd - I'm a single parent on benefits.

OP if you believe he spends most of the week in the family home, report it. It doesn't sound like you like them so it's a no brainer.

I'd think twice about starting a thread in future that shows you to be guilty of the thing that's annoyed you though.

FFS. I don't get this setting a budget for xmas presents. My DC have always had one present each from both parents. Cost varies between £25 and £200 depending on what they need. One year ds2 got an electric guitar - expensive. the next year he got a club rugby shirt, cheap. This year ds1 is getting skiing boots but they are a joint birthday and xmas present.

OP, it is not very classy to set a budget for your dc. It's not about money. It's about buying them something they will enjoy/need/use. You are teaching your dc to grow up to be materialistic if you view it like that.

We have never, ever spent as much as £350 on either of the dc. And we are very comfortably off by most people's standards.

I work every day with people on benefits and I still think this is a really unpleasant thread.

I'm guilty of absolutely nothing! My children are older than friend's children yet they do not own I phone 6's, (or any i phone!) expensive tablets, smart tv's etc. I've chosen to spend more on my children this Christmas as, like I said I know that their gifts will be greatly received, well looked after and they can then add to them next year ie games, accessories etc and will not need so much spent in terms of gifts, but judge away, I don't give a damn.

She's probably grossly exaggerating or getting deep into expensive debt or (most likely) both.

It's no fun being stony broke at Christmas. The 'boasting' and any overspending is probably a reaction to guilt, a determination that the DC shouldn't 'miss out' and a face saving exercise, albeit all rather wrong-headed.

Why are you involving yourself in these crass conversations about money?

Can't you show some sensitivity and look beyond the bluster?

I'm sick of the hypocrisy on mn, the minute the word benefits are mentioned its all goats and flat screen tellies and the daily mail , we get benefits, ones we are entitled to, so I dont give a shit who gets benefits they are legally entitled to but the minute someone comes on here and posts something questioning someone on benefits who is probably on the fiddle, all the righteous pile in and give it dont you dare, like everyone who ever got benefits as a friggin saint

No detached house here ssd, working single parent who, in my time, has claimed working/child tax credits and housing benefit, so yes I do understand exactly how the system works.

"It's not classy to set a budget for your children" did you really just say that?..... I set a bloody budget because I'm not super wealthy. I've already said that I try and stick to that approximate amount but sometimes go over. I dont want to spend extortionate amounts on my children firstly because I don't want to spoil them unnecessarily and secondly because who knows what may happen down the line ie job loss, and if my children have become accustomed to lots and lots of gifts then they will continue to expect it won't they?.....and that's not good.

I'm not belittling anyone, I merely said that £50 would not buy much especially for teenagers, which I'm sure most people would agree.

I disagree. I could make that work, with time and imagination.

Yes it is, I don't like liars, especially ones who are so called friends. I consider myself a loyal and honest friend and don't expect to be made a fool of or to be made to feel inadequate.

Other people can't make you feel inadequate unless you already feel that way.

It's not as simple as that actually. I'm not sure if you are aware but the Hmrc, DwP, Council don't just look at were individuals "officially" live in order to deem them to be a couple. They also look at whether they still act like a couple ie sleeping at each other's houses, still paying each other's bills, going on days out/holidays together etc, all of which my friend and her partner still do, they've somehow found a loophole and are exploiting it, that doesn't mean they are not commuting fraud.

You seem very au fait. Is this employment-related knowledge?

Hmm. Something smells familiar about all this

so petronella have you never known anyone fiddling benefits?

the minute someone comes on here and posts something questioning someone on benefits who is probably on the fiddle,

It's more the breathless tone of hysterical, quick-fire, anger that makes one pause.

ffs not being classy to set a fucking budget, jesus wept I've seen it all here now

What ssd said! I don't get mumsnet. We are supposed to all pay our taxes sit back and watch other people take the piss out of the system. And if we even demonstrate a little bit of annoyance we are horrendous right wing benefit bashers!!!
The op wasn't boasting about what she was spending she was just stating it as it came up in the conversation with her so called friend.

what is breathless hysteria stawberry, shite like this?

PetronellaOsgood Fri 20-Nov-15 18:44:53
She's probably bought them a goat and a flat screen TV each. Is it benefits bash Christmas edition already?

OP, it is not very classy to set a budget for your dc. It's not about money. It's about buying them something they will enjoy/need/use. You are teaching your dc to grow up to be materialistic if you view it like that.

Do you mean it's tacky to set a spending target Merguez?

It's not employment related knowledge, I work in the nhs and have done for most of my working life. As for me already feeling inadequate I don't, not at all, although for a split second when my friend was ranting on I did question whether my children have enough this Christmas and then I realised that yes they do, and it's irrelevant anyway as unlike my friend I don't have to rely on claiming benefits illegally to provide for them.

I'd call that more of a languid, disparaging and slightly threadbare joke ssd

I can afford to spend £1000 on each of my kids at Christmas
but I'm not stupid.
So I let the stupid people do that

If your DD wants an xbox, get her one at the pawn shop in the middle of January : it will be barely used, half price and the original muppet owner will still be paying for it
Mine came from the pawn shop and its great

the thing is, if you need benefits honestly, you are probably going to be pretty friggin skint this xmas and hearing about someone whos fiddling it and getting money they arent entitled to takes the absolute piss and then the whole goats shite comes into it and people pile in to show how liberal they are when they probably havent a friggin clue

Exactly, Bodicea, I only mentioned my own spend for emphasis.

Are you going to report her for benefit fraud then?

Even as a teen my parents only ever spent £50 per child. We got about £350 each from entire family and used that cash to get what we wanted / needed. I usually spent mine on a new (cheap or second hand) phone, new clothes and make up or days out etc. My brothers would usually use it to get a console or games etc. Perfectly acceptable and I plan to do the same when my dc are teens. Anyhooo ..... Yes it sucks that your friend is getting income by playing the system but if he isn't living in the house full time, and is only staying over a few times a week that is perfectly legal and not fraud. If he is contributing to bills that is still legal and not fraud. Otherwise, how would anybody who hadnt been to court or through CSA officially ever get any maintenance money? Is your "friend" crazy to spend so much cash on Christmas? Well yes. But is she doing anything actually wrong. No. Morally maybe. But legally no. Also don't see why you felt the need to tell us all how nice you are helping out your other friend. You essentially just bragged online the same way your friend bragged to you about what she spends and how awesome she is. Congrats!

I'm considering it yes, but I feel that it will be pointless as like I said they've found a loophole.

Why, then, OP are you 'friends' with criminals you dislike and disapprove of?