To completely brush off friends bragging about how much she has spent on Xmas especially since she's possibly committing fraud

[SuzCorrigan1]

Top and bottom basically one of my friends (so called) who I believe to be committing benefit fraud will not stop boasting about how much money she has spent on Christmas. She has four children, she is supposedly a "struggling" single parent but nothing could be further from the truth. I found out recently (through a mutual friend) that she made her partner move in with his brother so that she could claim benefits as a single parent. Her partner has a full time job but she is greedy mare and all she thinks and talks about is money so nothing surprises me with her.

I myself am married with two children, and combined me and dh being home a decent income, nothing lavish but we live a decent life and can afford treats, holidays etc. Despite not struggling to often financially we set a budget for both our children each Christmas and we try and stick to it, they get a number of well thought out gifts that we know they will enjoy. I told my friend what I had bought my children (after she had ryhmed off each and every gift she had bought her children and the cost of all of them!) and she was literally gobsmacked and told me that their gifts sounded nice but she couldn't ever imagine spending so little! Now I've spent around £350 per child which I think is fine, but she has spent £900 per child, and whilst usually I wouldn't care what others spend (not in the slightest) she is committing fraud and she dares try and shame me! Aibu to want to end the friendship and give her a good hard slap in the face (or maybe just a cold harsh dose of reality lol)

Then find a new friend.

Does he pay her bills then? You know this as fact do you?
Single parents are allowed to have relationships you know?
They are allowed to go on days out/holidays with people, they are even allowed to sleep over and have sex!! Shock horror!!
I'll repeat why do you care?
Either split up from your husband and take in the so called good life yourself or you know just get on with your own life and relationships without envying what other people are doing.

I wouldn't have the first clue what any of my friends spend on Christmas for their DC. Not a single clue. It's never come up in conversation, nor would it.

I think perhaps just not being friends with her might make you feel better.

Exactly expat

That of course assumes that people would want to be friendly with someone who pretends friendship with someone yet obsesses about their finances and bad mouths them online.

In reality, she should just be living off of her partner's wages and child benefit and tax credits.

Do you not think he might have refused? I wouldn't blame him, tbh. It's not that unlikely the move was his choice - and he said "I'll see you and the kids right when I can, but I'm not taking on the whole family full-time."

Do people want the government to start dictating people must pay for their partners' families? Even, perhaps, forcing working people into relationships with unwaged parents? Because it looks like it

as long as you're spending your own money. People on benefits wouldn't even be able to afford that if they are within the law

It is within the law to sell your old stuff.
It's within the law to beg & borrow from friends & family.
It's within the law to take out a loan.
It's within the law to spend a bingo win.
It's within the law to save up all year.

And I'm getting increasingly fucked off with the widespread belief that I should live in grinding poverty for the rest of my life.

I forgot to mention. I have a friend (a genuine one) who I've known since childhood. She is married with three children, husband had a great paying job that enables her to have a third child and to be a sham. He suddenly upped and left her and their children a few months back, her youngest is only 9 months old so going back to work full time wasn't an option. She's took a part time job but is genuinely struggling as what she claims in benefits barely covers the essentials. I've helped her out for Christmas, buying double of everything when I've been food shopping and gave them to her as well as buy extra gifts when I've been shopping for my two. I'm not after a medal, I've done it because I care for her and she's fallen on hard times, but to then have to listen to my other so called friend who is nothing more than a benefits cheat, well surely you can see why I'm annoyed?....

You consider yourself a loyal and honest friend yet you and another friend are gosspping behind her back and you're then posting it on the Internet for the whole world to see?

£3600 on kid's Christmas presents is bloody insane!! She needs her head examined!!! I hope the future stays bright for those children because if that's what they get from their mum each Christmas, their expectation and sense of entitlement as adults will be huge.

Just ignore her. If you show her that you are not impressed, she will eventually stop. I hope.

Actually, I think I would stop being friends with such a person. I just don't care how much money other people spend for what, except if they want to give me advice on how to save money.
And I would think it extremely boring to have to listen to someone brag about how much she spent - I would be more interested in hearing what she actually gave the children.
If she gave one of the children a hand-knit scarf with the Hogwarts emblem, I might actually want to hear. Money? Booooring.

No I can't. I still don't see why you indulge in the hypocrisy of pretending friendship with someone you despise.

My understanding of the rules is that she isn't committing fraud. He is, I presume, living, paying rent and bills elsewhere?

As others have said - why do you find people you don't like and then talk about money with them?

Why sneer at how much others are spending? If I say we spend only £10 per child on educational toys - do you feel "out-poshed"? Or do you feel richer? Either way it doesn't matter a jot to anyone else.

What a pointless thread. Just live your life OP.

Oh my god, I didn't choose to discuss her expenditures with her, she decided to tell me! I'm also aware and agree that single parents are entitled to start a new relationship and maybe even go on to have more children or get married but this isn't the case, my friend is still very much in a relationship with the father of her children. It's not as though they were going through a rough patch so they agreed that he would move out temporarily whilst they decided whether or not they wanted to be together, this was a carefully thought out plan in order to reap the benefits, literally.

He actually isn't paying rent or bills anywhere. He works full time and pays his brother zilch, the only way in which he is registered at his mothers is via the electoral roll and possibly his own car insurance.

"I'm not sure if you are aware but the Hmrc, DwP, Council don't just look at were individuals "officially" live in order to deem them to be a couple. They also look at whether they still act like a couple ie sleeping at each other's houses, still paying each other's bills, going on days out/holidays together etc"

Interesting. Can you tell us where you got this information, SuzCorrigan1? Links or references, perhaps.

Many of the students at my school are getting laptops, tablets, clothing, footwear and CDs/iTunes vouchers easily amounting to £900.

S'easy.

Why is your second friend relevant?

hahaha this thread is a joke right?

Slagging off a friend for spending too much while simultaneously boasting about spending £350 per child - very good

if she's committing fraud shop her

and get a new 'friend'

Alright, if he's not paying bills anywhere and is still sleeping in the family home as you've implied, how exactly has he moved to his brother's?

The second friend is only relevant to enable the OP to make comparisons and to demonstrate how bountiful she is.

I'm totally hopeless at the minute trying to do links on this phone but if you google Hmrc or DwP specifically what criteria they use to define a couple the information is right there. I assume that they wouldn't be at all suspicious of a single mother or father who began a new relationship as who the hell would expect a new partner to pay for partner's children but to still be living as though you're still in a relationship with the father of your children, well surely that's a little more suspicious and would call for more information/investigation.

Aaaah ilove, friend 2 is here to prove OP isn't an utter shit then? Got ya!

Garlick I meant this: "In reality, she should just be living off of her partner's wages and child benefit and tax credits." - as in that's how THEY would see it, not that I agree with it. No it's not right new partner's pay for kids that aren't their's (if that's the case), but that's what THEY think should happen. I also read the OP post, thinking the mentioned person was having both benefits AND her partner's wages as income, making her able to afford £900 for Christmas. Whether she is or not... It's fraud if you claim as a single parent but have your partner who is living with you pay for bills or food shopping.

And this: "as long as you're spending your own money. People on benefits wouldn't even be able to afford that if they are within the law[, would they?]" You've taken it out of context a bit. I said it doesn't matter what you spend as long as it's you're own money, yes even bootsales etc. Then I asked a genuine question about whether people on benefits would be able to afford that..?

I don't know how you managed to pick it apart.

He's officially registered to live elsewhere but he spends at least half of the week sleeping at my friends house.

threads like these on MN really are full of shit

the op's friend is at it, claiming single parent benefits and having her partner who works full time, saying he lives with his brother so she gets the benefits a single parent gets

and with the fraudulent money she gets she's giving her kids loads at xmas and trying to make the op feel shit as she cant give her kids 900 quids worth of presents per child as the op doesn't lie to get benefits she isn't entitled to

its not rocket science, happens all the friggin time and makes people wonder how real single parents arent managing better, as they see people like the op's friend and think what they are doing must be honest and wonder why single parents get so much when the honest ones get bugger all.

I often wonder if all the right-on mnetters that bring up goats and flat screen tellies actually know anyone on benefits, they seem to love rubbishing anyone who says loads of people are at it with the benefit system as it seems to make them popular here....I always imagine them sitting in their detached houses frothing about anyone here who mentions benefits whilst they've never claimed them in their lives and have no friggin clue how it all works, but it sounds good to lump in the goats talk like its relevant.

wow ssd you sound cross ! it's Friday - chill out!