To completely brush off friends bragging about how much she has spent on Xmas especially since she's possibly committing fraud

[SuzCorrigan1]

Top and bottom basically one of my friends (so called) who I believe to be committing benefit fraud will not stop boasting about how much money she has spent on Christmas. She has four children, she is supposedly a "struggling" single parent but nothing could be further from the truth. I found out recently (through a mutual friend) that she made her partner move in with his brother so that she could claim benefits as a single parent. Her partner has a full time job but she is greedy mare and all she thinks and talks about is money so nothing surprises me with her.

I myself am married with two children, and combined me and dh being home a decent income, nothing lavish but we live a decent life and can afford treats, holidays etc. Despite not struggling to often financially we set a budget for both our children each Christmas and we try and stick to it, they get a number of well thought out gifts that we know they will enjoy. I told my friend what I had bought my children (after she had ryhmed off each and every gift she had bought her children and the cost of all of them!) and she was literally gobsmacked and told me that their gifts sounded nice but she couldn't ever imagine spending so little! Now I've spent around £350 per child which I think is fine, but she has spent £900 per child, and whilst usually I wouldn't care what others spend (not in the slightest) she is committing fraud and she dares try and shame me! Aibu to want to end the friendship and give her a good hard slap in the face (or maybe just a cold harsh dose of reality lol)

I hate to break it to you but if she isn't living with her partner she isn't committing any fraud. She is living on her own with her four children.
I suggest you and your mutual friend stop looking and listening to what other people have and concentrate on being happy with what you do have, or strive to improve it if that's relevant.

I understand OP's feelings about someone who is committing benefit fraud but not to feed/clothe her family but merely to lavish expensive and probably unneeded gifts on her kids in a show offy manner. Grass her up!

she made her partner move in with his brother so that she could claim benefits as a single parent.

This isn't fraud. Their choice was: [a] have him support her and her children; [b] have him move out.

If you're envious, why don't you divorce DH so you can do the same?

To head off further inaccuracies, getting gifts from people isn't fraud either unless there's a regular payment. Neither is making some money by selling stuff you already had (both things I've been reported for.)

These threads always baffled me. People seem to have friends they dislike intensely, but rather than spending their time with people whose company they enjoy, they choose to spend their time playing competitive Christmas presents with someone they want to slap, and then come on here to post about them in the hope of inciting mass intakes of breath and outrage

How and why do you know exactly what things your 'friend's children own, OP? Why not change the subject to the weather/Syria/dog-breeding/macramé etc etc?

We're a two-income family with one child, and not only do I have no idea how much we're going to spend on his Christmas presents, neither of us knows what we're going to give him. In fact, neither of us has given Christmas a thought, far less have the time to ponder the finances of other people's Christmases.

This isn't actually adding to the sum of your happiness, is it, OP?

But it's not benefit fraud is it. If her partner lives with his brother she is entitled to claim benefits as a single person.

Everyone has different ideas about what to spend at Xmas. We spend quite a bit on dd and the rest of our family but I'd never pass comment on what anyone else spends. It's none of my business and quite frankly I'm not interested in the slightest.

My girls haven't even asked for laptops. Teen needs one and has asked for some money towards one. She works p/t and is doing a deal with her mate to buy her old iPhone off her as well. 10 year old would love a laptop but thinks they are too expensive so has asked for a moshi monster bean stalk and a chess set.

They don't ask for much because I've never had much money. Just once I wanted to blow them away with a big surprise. The laptops will be hidden so won't be given until they've opened their other things. I can't wait.

If her partner doesn't live with her then how is it fraud? Can you not have a relationship if you claim benefits? For what it's worth it think both amounts are ridiculous. Our kids have a console to share,they get around 25/30 each spent on them plus a sharing gift.

If her partner did actually move in with the brother, she isn't committing fraud. Just taking advantage of the way the system is set up. Immoral in her circumstances, not illegal.

And RE the spending, you just belittled a poster who spends £50 so you're no better than your friend, who you don't actually appear to like.

900 is pretty ridiculous for anyone really but it's not benefit fraud they don't live together so her living arrangements and finances are her business

She could be doing what me and DH do (minus benefits) towards the end of the year. We do budget meals and save up bit by bit so that we can have a larger Christmas.

I know some people that get what shitty benefits we do have in the US food stamps, eat nothing but ramen for a couple weeks and use the saved up supplement to buy a nice holiday dinner.

£50 buys plenty, if they want bigger things they save birthday money and ask all relatives for money towards it, one big thing or lots of little things, like your ds getting a console and only one other present. I think £900's worth of stuff would just get wrecked/wasted/not treated well and I think. That is how we have chosen to do it others do things differently, I can;t imagine fitting in my house if we bought that amount of stuff annually.

I'm always amazed at all these people on MN who discuss intimate details of their finances with people they don't even like. Makes for a good story post, though.

Awww... coffeeisnectar I'm getting excited for you just thinking about it! Your kids sound sweet. :)

I remember one year we got the present we secretly wanted most and it was the best Christmas ever!

You don't like her do you? I don't see how you even define this relationship as a friendship.

Stop talking to her if you don't want to. Then I'd probably report her because there are genuine single parents who's only option is benefits. People like that make the genuine ones look bad.
In reality, she should just be living off of her partner's wages and child benefit and tax credits. Wonder how much she would get for Christmas then?
I don't think it matters what you spend for Christmas as long as you're spending your own money. People on benefits wouldn't even be able to afford that if they are within the law, would they?

I know someone similar, takes the piss.

It's not as simple as that actually. I'm not sure if you are aware but the Hmrc, DwP, Council don't just look at were individuals "officially" live in order to deem them to be a couple. They also look at whether they still act like a couple ie sleeping at each other's houses, still paying each other's bills, going on days out/holidays together etc, all of which my friend and her partner still do, they've somehow found a loophole and are exploiting it, that doesn't mean they are not commuting fraud.

It's really eating you up isn't it?

The thing here is, I have spent a fraction of what you have on my dcs - we generally do stockings and a couple of things they really want, and then direct other family members that want to buy for them towards something they need eg rainbows uniform, or that they'd especially like. I would think my dcs combined will have £350 spent on them by all family in total. But, It doesn't make me feel bad, or belittled or criticised that you've spent £350 on each of yours. If someone was to make a comment to the effect that I have not spent enough, I would feel secure enough in our choices and in my children's ability to enjoy whatever they're given to just shrug and agree to to disagree.

You need to just let it go - life is not about comparison or competition. her choices don't affect yours.

If he's sleeping at her house, he's not living elsewhere. Make up your mind.

Quick, call the Daily mail! they can interview her

Yes it is, I don't like liars, especially ones who are so called friends. I consider myself a loyal and honest friend and don't expect to be made a fool of or to be made to feel inadequate.

Oh. I thought you meant him AND his brother moved into hers. (thought that was a bit odd)
So, she made him move out? Get it.
That's also weird, but yes, that's not fraud.

I choose my friends carefully. I don't have cause to call them liars. If you don't even like her why are you discussing personal expenditure with her?

If you feel she is committing benefits fraud, then turn her in for it. That's all you can do.

I worked for 30+ years in the public sector and fraud investigations were part of my job. It used to make me furious that people would complain and complain and tell us horror stories about people who were committing fraud, but the minute we'd whip out the fraud report form and ask for details they'd shut up tighter than a clam's arse and say "Oh no. I can't report them!". If you think someone is committing fraud, report them and let the experts take it from there. If they're guilty, they'll pay the price. If they're innocent, nothing will happen to them.

If you aren't going to do the right thing, then don't complain about what she's doing with her ill gotten gains.