To not take my 3 children to the theatre on Saturday? Terrorism related.

[Kingfisherfree]

I know I am being U but I feel anxious about going to a major city and being confined in a theatre. I have even looked at the seating plan to see how we would get out.

Typo, sorry. I meant 'having a life'

I have a similar worry. Dd and I are going to see Madonna at the o2 in a few weeks and I'm thinking of not going. If I was going by myself or with friends I wouldn't worry bit I feel I can't take the risk with Dd.

Hi Tillylils - can I have your tickets?

There is no risk Tillylils.

Are you going to risk driving tomorrow with your children - what if you crash?

Or perhaps drown? It's the second most common cause of death in children behind car crashes. 15,000 drowning incidents a year are seen in hospitals.

How many people have died in terrorist attacks in the Western world in last 10 years - I don't know the exact figure but it has to be in or around the 200 mark.

I can't believe people on here are instilling such fear in their children. This is the kind of stuff that ruins childhoods and creates an anxious person for life

misstwister I don't disagree with you. And I'm an anxious person about certain things.

But everyone keeps banding around statistics. That we are more likely to die in a car accident bla bla.

I'm not sure that is necessarily the case for someone living in a capital city in Europe right now.

Was travelling on 7/7... Used to be defiant about this kind of stuff but agree with a pp that this seems different. A bomb will go off and you might be killed but the thought of being trapped and hunted down by gunmen is of a different order of terror.
As for the car stat... You usually need to go in a car.. You don't need to go to the theatre

'I can't believe people on here are instilling such fear in their children. This is the kind of stuff that ruins childhoods and creates an anxious person for life'

It does. And that is what these people are like, full of hate and devoid of joy. You really want that? You think that will keep you or your children 'safe'? It can't and won't.

This is from a man, a widower now, whose wife was gunned down in Bataclan, and who has a 17-month-old son.
here

I understand being afraid. I am, all the time, every day, every time either of my two surviving children are out of my sight, which is, as they grow, more and more.

But I'll be damned if I let my fears visit themselves on them and deny them the life I had myself. I have really struggled with this, in the wake of their sister's premature death, but it is the one thing I have to offer them, to know that I support them, be it going to the theatre or taking a gap year abroad.

This isn't about 'we'll show the bastards!' it's about realising that all you can do is try to give them as much common sense as possible and accept that the world is full of danger and chance. That is how it is.

Otherwise, what's the point?

expat you speak utter sense.

My logical brain agrees. My emotional brain struggles

Your logical brain is correct. Important to go and enjoy life.

You just need to do whatever it might take to placate your emotional brain and that is different for every individual on this thread. There isn't anything wrong with worrying as long as you keep it all in perspective.

I was on a tube underneath Harrods when the IRA bomb went off there (we were supposed to have got out the but didn't due to a last minute change of plan), I was on a tube behind the Aldgate one on 7/7 having been delayed to work because I had a friend staying. I was due to fly to Dubair the week after 9/11 and decided to cancel but still flew to Venice instead. It was lovely - hardly any tourists (they were all at home hiding under a blanket I think)

Pretty much if you avoid where I'm going, you'll probably be fine. FWIW we're going to the cinema week Saturday for DS's birthday.

Dubair?! Dubai

Of course it does! Mine does, too. I held my daughter as a corpse in my arms. I watched her coffin disappear into the ground. Believe me, I understand. I don't want her sister to go to the theatre. I didn't want her to come to London with me last year, either, and I kacked myself as our plane took off from Amsterdam and back again. I creased myself as she went up level after level in swimming, and then again knowing if I left her without learning to swim. EVERY SINGLE DAY she went into my sister's pool. At the water park. As she rode a bike, something her sister never lived to do, she was dyspraxic, with no stabilisers. When she went for a sleepover at her friend's. When she went on her first 2-night camp with her scout group, taking off in someone else's car.

What next? She wants to learn to drive and I say no? She wants to go to college or uni in another place, even another country? She wants to marry someone from another country, like I did?

I understand feeling scared. Believe me, I do! But to reign her in? Because of what might happen? No. I cannot do that, whatever the cost to me, and if she dies, then that cost is my life, too.

Because I didn't have her to be me. I had her to be her.

You write beautifully expat you are brave and completely right

Your post made me cry expat

Everyone should read your post expat. You are so right- we give them roots and give them wings and motherhood is not about clipping those wings- we keep our fears to ourselves and don't burden our children with them. Life is for living.

Expat, that is true love. xx

My logical brain agrees. My emotional brain struggles

This ^ .

Yes everyone should read expats posts and yes you do write beautifully.

we keep our fears to ourselves and don't burden our children with them

Totally agree with this but hard to keep it contained when they talk at school! I always try and keep hard core news away from DD but hard when rape and murder on all news at any time of day, even radio!

However she has had long talks with friends at school about suicide bombers, asking me what suicide is, friends chatting about the explosions and shooting!

Its hard!

I was at liverpool street station on 7/7 . They just shouted "get out of the station now" as we arrived. I worked in the city from 1979 so have been through the IRA bombings etc You just have to get on with it. My DD 18 loves the Theatre and is going twice this week. A quote from my favorite film is "to live in fear is a life half lived" I want my dc to have a life.
My cousin died in a boating accident, i have to "water babies" and my ds loves kayaking more than anything else, i am so glad I never let my worries about it stop him having a love for the sport.

I feel the same OP. It is perfectly alright to feel anxious, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

drive by shooting in Israel yesterday - three dead, six wounded. (terrorist murders an almost daily occurrence in the region)

suicide bombing in Beirut earlier this month, 43 killed, hundreds wounded.

15 killed in Nigeria by child suicide bomber AFTER PARIS. 34 in another incident. Again, regular occurrence.

I suspect that because we don't go on day trips to these places, we care less -we certainly hear less about it.

my point is that it goes on ALL THE TIME - and this ignores the UK stabbings, murders, car crashes etc etc etc. But for you, in the UK, your personal risk of being a terrorist victim is tiny.

oh and look; gun attack breaking out in the capital of Mali just now...

" It is perfectly alright to feel anxious, don't let anyone tell you otherwise*
It may be ok to be anxious but its not ok to let it rule your life.

Yes bruffin, some really good points on this thread, they have calmed me down a little anyway.

still not sure about amsterdam though or belgium.

Limbo I understand what you mean, but think there's a huge difference between preventing your personal fears and anxieties from being known to your DCs and keeping the facts about what had happened from them. I don't think the latter is a good idea but that is a whole other thread (I think there actually was a whole other thread re this).

expat you are right on the money.

Several things occur to me:

1. If I were the French head of security services I would be worried for my job. 3 attacks in 12 months. Of course the chance is strong that it'll happen in the UK again at some point, but I actually have quite a lot of faith in our police and security services. It's getting harder for them, but they seem pretty good at keeping us safe.

1. Who is to say it would be London? Why not target Birmingham or Manchester while the world's eyes are on London? Or somewhere in the sticks where nobody expects it? Terrorists thrive on the unexpected so based on their actions, nobody should go anywhere, ever.

1. As others have said, given the above, how likely is it you'll get caught up in something, specifically in London, specifically in a theatre (as opposed to a bus, train, hotel, office, etc) on the day you visit and in a UK population of 65m?

Op, I totally understand your emotional response and in quieter times on the train or out shopping I'll sometimes check out the exits and hiding places and think 'what would I do? Where would I go?' But then my rational brain takes over. You can't stop living and enjoying yourself, or going about your normal business, on the basis of a statistically significant improbability. And nor can we raise our children in a climate of fear.