Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if my 4 year old wants me to take him to his classroom that shouldnt be a problem?

624 replies

firefly78 · 18/11/2015 09:06

he's 4 for goodness sake. he loves school and if he wants me to take him to his classroom door rather than go all the way in on his own i dont see why that's an issue. Teacher shouted over to him today saying "come on ds otherwise mummy will have to leave you at the gate". Its irrationally upset me. silly I know but i think they are still so little. Hes coped brilliantly with school, loves reading etc and we have just had a great report. he has an older sibling at school who runs in happily. Oh amd im most definitely not the only parent who does this. He ran in happily before half term cos they got a sticker but dont know so he doesn't see the point! i just think they are still little and i dont know why school tries to make them grow up so fast!!!

OP posts:
Shirtsleeves · 18/11/2015 16:25

Reception child: "Miss Smith, why does Sam have that lady sitting with him?"
Teacher: "Sam has poorly legs and needs a grown up to help him get around the classroom."

Reception child: "Miss Smith, why does Jessica have that lady sitting with her?"
Teacher: "Jessica is sad, so her mummy is staying with her today."
Reception child: "I'm sad, I want my mummy. Waaaah."

I used to work in a pre-school and when we settled in new children (staggered start), some would get very upset at the new starters having their parents stay and it was only for a maximum for 45 minutes.

Sirzy · 18/11/2015 16:26

It would be nothing like a TA.

You seem to be digging yourself deeper and deeper into your rediculous argument!

reni2 · 18/11/2015 16:27

Tali it is hovering. Your newborn will be a very different child when 4 and really won't need you there.

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 16:28

and you explain that they've done find without their parent until now and they don't get it just because Jessica does.

Reminds me of when I was at school and had to leave early for a medical appointment I didn't want to tell anyone about.

Some idiot shouted "Sir why does SHE get to leave?"

He replied "Because I'm the teacher and I say she can, now do your work."

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 16:28

reni no it isn't. But please, continue to ignore what I've said and twist my words Smile

budgiegirl · 18/11/2015 16:29

Budgie and so you explain to them that different people have different needs. I've never thought the "but if I do it for you I have to do it for others" excuse washes.

But by allowing one parent to stay, you could create that need in other children, they may then decide they NEED their parent to stay. Suddenly you've got a classroom full of kids wanting their mum.

Also, IME, children are much more clingy and needy when their parents are around. If you never leave the classroom and insist on staying, how will you ever know if your child would be ok without you there?

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 16:30

Sirzy yes it would. Well actually it depends entirely on the parent, so if the parent is a total idiot you have a point.

Sirzy · 18/11/2015 16:30

nd you explain that they've done find without their parent until now and they don't get it just because Jessica does.

Ye coz that works with 4 year olds! Before you know if they are crying every morning coming in because they want mummy to stay and if other mummies can stay then why can't theirs? If Tjey cry then mummy will stay with them.

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 16:31

budgie you're misinterpreting it. I wouldn't stay unless he specifically asked me to. I believe that kids do things when they are ready

Sirzy · 18/11/2015 16:31

So what you want them to do some sort of test of the parents? Sorry your child's upset but your a 'total idiot' so can't say but tali can stay even though her son is less upset because she says she isn't an idiot?

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 16:31

sirzy so the ones who need it can't get it because others would manipulate it? Hmm

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 16:32

Sirzy no, I'm just saying that the parent wouldn't necessarily be disruptive. Obviously some idiots may be however if it's done properly, for example helping the child like a TA would, there isn't a problem

Sirzy · 18/11/2015 16:33

But no child - unless they have special needs in which case I would hope plans are in place before the child starts - needs parents to stay with them all day, or even for part of the morning when they are at school. They may want it but that is very different to needing it.

reni2 · 18/11/2015 16:34

You would be in the way (if even allowed) unless your child is SN. It's ludicrous to assume a 4yo's parent can be there all day. Believe me, many try and if one would be allowed a class of 30 would have 10 or more parents sitting in. Quickly the others would follow suit not wanting to disadvantage theirs with no 1-1 support by mum, only ft working parents would not. Best home educate until a bit older if it is so important.

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 16:35

Sirzy that's what I object to. It's ridiculous to say at 4 "NO child needs x". It's arbitrary and doesn't take the kids individuality into account.

Sirzy · 18/11/2015 16:35

But they don't need it. Sometimes we confuse wants and needs and that doesn't help a child in a situation like this.

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 16:36

reni I would love to home educate DS however it's not practical for me. Looking into flexischool and other options.

budgiegirl · 18/11/2015 16:37

budgie you're misinterpreting it. I wouldn't stay unless he specifically asked me to

I don't think I am misinterpreting. I understand you'd be happy to leave if he's happy. But what I am saying is that if he gets upset if you try to leave, and you refuse to leave, you won't know if he'd be fine 5 minutes after you go.

Most children are fine after parents leave, even if they are upset at first. If they truly won't settle, and become extremely distressed, I'm quite sure the teacher would let you know. But how can they be given the chance to find out if you refuse to leave?

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 16:38

How can you know that no child ever needs something?

Up until I was 20 I needed my mum to come into hospital appointments/GP with me because those places terrified me. Pretty sure most would argue no adult needs their mum in a routine medical appointment!

My point is age is arbitrary and you cannot say by x age everyone can do y

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 16:39

budgie i don't believe in "cry it out" and leave him to be upset for 5 minutes even if he's okay later. I believe when he's ready he'll do it himself without the need for 5 minutes of upset

Sirzy · 18/11/2015 16:40

It would be highly unusual for someone with no additional needs to need a parent with them at school. Even if a child feels they need it it is generally not going to be in their best interest.

Like I said needs and wants are very different. As a parent sometimes it is necessary to push a child that little bit out of their comfort zone otherwise they will never be able to take the steps needed to develop.

Sirzy · 18/11/2015 16:41

In the nicest possible way Tali I think as your son gets older you will look back and realise that ideals you have when they are tiny quickly change!

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 16:41

Sirzy I think that's what we disagree on. I don't believe in pushing a child, I think you support them and eventually they'll go willingly

witsender · 18/11/2015 16:43

Parents are welcome to stay at our school if it is felt it will help. And as a governor we encourage their participation. Personally I stay until my daughter is settled, sometimes 2 mins and sometimes 10. I'll do the same for my son, as do other parents. It isn't a DBS concern as there are employees there too.

Sirzy · 18/11/2015 16:43

Sometimes pushing is the best thing for them, gently pushing them helps them develop and learn that it's ok to step outside your comfort zone and that everything will be fine. It can be bloody difficult as a parent but you have to do it sometimes.

As a parent sometimes the best thing you can do for a child is the thing that at that point they least want!