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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if my 4 year old wants me to take him to his classroom that shouldnt be a problem?

624 replies

firefly78 · 18/11/2015 09:06

he's 4 for goodness sake. he loves school and if he wants me to take him to his classroom door rather than go all the way in on his own i dont see why that's an issue. Teacher shouted over to him today saying "come on ds otherwise mummy will have to leave you at the gate". Its irrationally upset me. silly I know but i think they are still so little. Hes coped brilliantly with school, loves reading etc and we have just had a great report. he has an older sibling at school who runs in happily. Oh amd im most definitely not the only parent who does this. He ran in happily before half term cos they got a sticker but dont know so he doesn't see the point! i just think they are still little and i dont know why school tries to make them grow up so fast!!!

OP posts:
budgiegirl · 18/11/2015 23:53

which is one of MANY reasons why toddlers shouldn't be in schools

Toddlers aren't in schools, children are. 4 is not a toddler.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/11/2015 23:59

there will also be times where they need to wait. a hurt child needing attention will take priority over little Tommy who's crying because his turn ended.

doesn't do them any harm to learn this. and yeah sometimes they will actually sort it out themselves and it's important they get the chance to do this

SuburbanRhonda · 19/11/2015 07:42

giles I completely agree.

Prioritising the needs of one child at all times works fine where you only have that one child in a scenario with no other people around.

In a family, in the classroom and in the real world, it simply doesn't work and shouldn't be the way to manage your child's needs. Not unless you want them to grow up with no awareness whatsoever of the needs of others.

pretend · 19/11/2015 08:35

Kids here start school at 7 and I don't realistically see a lot of difference between being at kindergarten until 6 and being in nursery and reception in a school until 6.

It's all very well bandying about that kids on the continent start at 7 and they're so much happier blah blah blah. The fact is that up until 7 most are in kindergarten, doing the same play based learning that you'll find in a nursery attached to a school. From 5 they'll be doing a bit more in Kindergarten in preparation for school and this looks pretty much like any UK reception class.

So its a myth, by and large. Parents have to work, kids are in childcare. Whether that is called nursery, or kindergarten, or school matters not.

Original poster
firefly78 · 19/11/2015 09:03

lol this is funny. i am only joking by the way! no update yet as i didn't do drop off today!

OP posts:
Original poster
firefly78 · 19/11/2015 10:10

update! DH said he walked in on his own, apparently like an extremely small gangster in a bobble hat!!

OP posts:
reni2 · 19/11/2015 10:16

Result! Well done OP's ds. Make sure to do a victory dance when you see him, hey ds daddy said you walked in all by yourself? I didn't believe him, really Grin?

IceBeing · 19/11/2015 11:00

pretend I guess the key thing is staff children ratios. There is a huge difference between 1-5 in the top end of nursery here and 1-30 in school.

1-5 allows at least some time devoted to individual emotional needs. 1-30 really doesn't at all...its the teachers way or the highway.

Regarding whether 4 year olds are toddlers...well some are some aren't - I was primarily thinking about tantrums and emotional immaturity when calling them toddlers.

10% of 4 yo still have regular tantrums. This drops down rapidly as the age gets higher.

I think the main point is dealing with children who are still biologically prone to uncontrollable (by them) emotional outbursts in large groups is damaging. Waiting for large group education even a year or two would massively cut the number who were experiencing the problem.

IceBeing · 19/11/2015 11:03

Suburb well duh...yes of course I am/will home educate for as long as my child wouldn't find the school environment bearable or conducive to learning.

I wouldn't put my DD through unnecessary emotional distress just because a teacher has to do it that way or the other 29 get pissy....not when I don't have too.

Nishky · 19/11/2015 12:13

well duh nice. How old are you 7?

JaneDoe2015 · 19/11/2015 12:19

Well done.

budgiegirl · 19/11/2015 12:35

the other 29 get pissy

Nice! So if your DD gets upset, it's emotional distress, but if other children get upset, they're getting pissy. How charming

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 19/11/2015 13:35

What a precious little flower Ice's child must be.....Hmm

Wonder where she gets that sense of entitlement from?

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 14:02

Completely agree with Ice

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/11/2015 14:08

my kid gets pissy in a shop queue maybe I should just hold up everyone else and pander to her distress.

or maybe she can suck it up for five mins and realise the world doesn't revolve around her wants 24/7

since when do kids decide if you drive or walk somewhere or how long you can spend in a shop or whatever..

what absolute nonsense

Sirzy · 19/11/2015 14:23

Exactly Giles.

Sometimes the world can't revolve around your child.

budgiegirl · 19/11/2015 14:27

Completely agree with Ice

Though you might Tali Wink

And actually, I do think she raises some good points about staff ratios, of course it would be better if the ratio were 1:5 instead of 2:30.

And I don't doubt that a few children at the age of four will not be emotionally ready for school. However, children who have been taught that they don't need to follow rules will never be emotionally ready for school, not at 4, and not at 7.

GloriaSmellens · 19/11/2015 14:27

or the other 29 get pissy

Ha ha!

Other children merely 'get pissy'. Not IceBeing 's precious DD though, she feels 'emotional distress'.

Sums it up really doesn't it.

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 14:32

budgie I teach DS to do the right thing, and sometimes authority and rules don't correlate with this

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/11/2015 14:33

as long as a child is clean and fed they will be fine.

they won't drop dead if they have to cry for a few mins.

why are people so afraid of a bit of crying

boredom, hunger, tiredness, over excitement... none of these things are helped by dragging shit out longer than necessary. you can either stop every ten mins for a snack and a cuddle or you can get a move on, get them home and they can sit down and have dinner and some. proper time.to relax

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 14:36

They won't drop dead but it's not something I encourage. It sounds like "bullying is character building" logic.

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/11/2015 14:40

Well what the hell do you intend to do waiting fir drs or In queues or on buses etc

you can't just miss appointments or walk 6 miles to avoid a tantrum

Nishky · 19/11/2015 14:43

Tali - I thought your ds was a baby-exactly how are you teaching him to do the right thing

budgiegirl · 19/11/2015 14:43

I teach DS to do the right thing

I would hope we all try to do that, Tali. But when your child is refusing to to the right thing, and no amount of bribing/persuading/cuddling/explaining is doing the trick, then sometimes the child just has to suck it up and do the thing they don't want to, just because they've been told to.

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 14:43

giles you make it fun

I'm not saying you always change your plans because your kids don't want to do it but there are better ways to teach them then by letting them cry

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