to think if my 4 year old wants me to take him to his classroom that shouldnt be a problem?

[firefly78]

he's 4 for goodness sake. he loves school and if he wants me to take him to his classroom door rather than go all the way in on his own i dont see why that's an issue. Teacher shouted over to him today saying "come on ds otherwise mummy will have to leave you at the gate". Its irrationally upset me. silly I know but i think they are still so little. Hes coped brilliantly with school, loves reading etc and we have just had a great report. he has an older sibling at school who runs in happily. Oh amd im most definitely not the only parent who does this. He ran in happily before half term cos they got a sticker but dont know so he doesn't see the point! i just think they are still little and i dont know why school tries to make them grow up so fast!!!

I'll have to start putting "light-hearted" after all my facetious remarks!

I don't think my response was an overly serious one?

Is this another splinter discussion, Senpai? The OP is going to love that!

Bettercallsaul1 and Senpai will have to do lines. 50x

"I shall assume good intentions and humour of other posters if at all possible"

The OP should have updated quicker instead of leaving everyone to their own devices.

tali may or may not maintain her ideals in parenting...but we still negotiate everything with DD who is now 4.5. It is one of the reasons she was so upset by her treatment at nursery. Having a load of arbitrary rules dumped on you when you are used to the reasons behind decisions being explained is tough going.

And some of the rules she encountered are indefensible....which tends to be the real reason people say 'just do as I tell you'.

Like you have to eat your lunch or you can't go play. Or you have to stop crying or you can't have a story. There can't be a reason for these, they are just made up rules that don't even actually help adults...they just can't be arsed to actually think about cause and effect or how children will react.

Yes Miss.

Well if a kid gets hungry whiny and disruptive then yes I can see why someone might want them to try and eat.

Thats reminded me that my Dnephews first understandable words were 'yougetdownfromthere' something he presumably heard a lot of at nursery...

And if a kid is just stroppy and snivelling fir no reason other than they didn't get tenor own way then yes they can be quiet or miss out

Anyway, OP, mine didn't want to go in, I went all over-eager. I'd LOVE to be in your reception classroom seeing all you do, what colours of playdoh did you have today? I'd like to sit in the reading corner all day! She cottoned on quickly that I am of course not allowed, bingo! Her personal private part of life that mummy can not come into and colonise! She loved that.

yeah but is it more important that a kid not get whiney for a day, then learn for themselves that eating is a better option...or that they get bullied into eating when they don't want to and lose their capacity to self-regulate food intake?

God knows we have an obesity crisis on our hands....

If we weren't trying to deal with these issues in groups of 30 odd they wouldn't be issues at all....

Sticking kids in 1 to many nursery care or 1 to 30 school care is a massive distortion of what is actually best for a lot of kids.

But as long as the government can get us all back to work the moment we popped a baby out then its all to the good....

giles "stroppy" seriously? A child that's upset is stroppy?

Even if they are...which is the better chance of getting them through it? depriving them and punishing them or encouraging them onto the next thing?

Your idea of parenting is medieval if you think punishing tantrums works.

depends if they'd make that link though. Dd wouldn't and she's 9.

there's a difference between a lid who's just not hungry (who should not he forced to eat obviously) and one who is just distracted and spends the time chatting or playing with the food and completkey wastes the lunch time then is horrendous later cos they didn't actually eat.

I was devastated when i took my youngest in for the first day, parents were able to stay for a short while if they or their child wanted them to. My little boy sat down and said "why are you still here mummy? You dont need to stay. Byeee"
I was pleased he was happy and confident, but gutted at the same time that he didnt need me.

toddlers get stroppy. arms folded feet stomping crying cos the sky's the wrong colour. gee dd could knock that out twice of a morning.

Well DD aged 3 was asking why she should eat when she wasn't hungry...and wouldn't that just make her tummy hurt?

So I am but surprised a 9 yo wouldn't get it....but it doesn't matter if they get it consciously or not. Eat lots to get praise, is a SHIT message to give children.

yeah, so what? The best way to get out of a tantrum isn't to punish. So why do it? Only lazy lazy parents/nursery staff would punish a child that is upset whatever the reason.

or teachers with 29 other kids to deal with.

Just a non-functional model of child rearing really.

None of it would be a problem if they started aged 7. The number of tantrums about the colour of the sky has seriously dropped off by then...and hence the need for authoritarianism has also reduced massively.

cos actually trying to talk to them ir distract them cab sometimes make it worse. I don't have a spare hour of a morning to throw toys and games at a 4 yr old to stop her crying long enough to get dressed.

I get on with what I need to do, she takes herself off to calm down and then we cab salvage some time fir breakfast.

when she's worked herself up the worst thing you can do is go anywhere near her

So you know how to best help your DD and I know how best to help mine. The nursery/school approach of punishing kids, withdrawing priviledges etc for getting upset wouldn't be right for either of them.

Not really sure what your point is beyond that....

Teachers in a school setting can't possibly take the time to help each kid and resolve each tantrum effectively. which is one of MANY reasons why toddlers shouldn't be in schools.

Presume you home-educate then, icebeing, as the school system we have here is clearly so defective?

And if you think starting school at seven is the cure for all ills, see my post up thread about our experience of just that.

Teachers in a school setting can't possibly take the time to help each kid and resolve each tantrum effectively

Which is why teaching children to be resilient and learn to cope with life's ups and downs themselves is so important.

It's also quite revealing I think that many children have far fewer tantrums at school than they do at home. Maybe because they don't achieve the desired effect. Most children thrive on boundaries and sensible rules .

my point is that they need to learn to manage their feelings a bit. if your jumping in for a cuddle regardless of why they are crying or trying to distract them, they don't actually get a chance to work out what it is they are feeling. or get a chance to calm. themselves down.

I'm not sayi g ignore them.if they are hurt or genuinely upset.

as far as lunch time goes. I don't agree with forcing kids to eat.

however pre school kids will get distracted or faff about with their drinks or comparing lunch boxes and will forget to actually eat. just like they get involved in activities and forget to go to the toilet.

and it is too much to expect a child to be allowed to disrupt the rest of the day with their whiny cranky hungry behaviour. like it or not from pre schopl upwards they do have to get used to the fact lunch is at a set time and there's no going back later when you remnber you forgot to eat your sandwich because you were watching a bee