to think if my 4 year old wants me to take him to his classroom that shouldnt be a problem?

[firefly78]

he's 4 for goodness sake. he loves school and if he wants me to take him to his classroom door rather than go all the way in on his own i dont see why that's an issue. Teacher shouted over to him today saying "come on ds otherwise mummy will have to leave you at the gate". Its irrationally upset me. silly I know but i think they are still so little. Hes coped brilliantly with school, loves reading etc and we have just had a great report. he has an older sibling at school who runs in happily. Oh amd im most definitely not the only parent who does this. He ran in happily before half term cos they got a sticker but dont know so he doesn't see the point! i just think they are still little and i dont know why school tries to make them grow up so fast!!!

Lol at the stricter parenting types taking the piss

No is not. Because even if after talking to them and trying to reason they will refuse sometimes as parents you have to make the decision even if that is not what they want.

Tough love isn't about jumping in and ingnoring a child's wishes, it is about doing what is needed even if the child doesn't like it at the time.

I have a different opinion of the meaning of tough love.

I view it as recognising the long term benefit of short term upset. Something children struggle to grasp but need to learn.

Tough love isn't about jumping in and ingnoring a child's wishes, it is about doing what is needed even if the child doesn't like it at the time

exactly.

we have to do it all the time. car seats, drs, vaccinations, bottles, dummies. sure maybe they would drop it themselves eventually.

but no way was I risking bottle swigging dummy sucking 4 year olds to save my self a day or two of upset.

and certainly as a parent of an asthmatic chikd I've pinned my screaming hysterical toddler down and allowed nurses to do the same to administer medication.

no time for talking and niceties

'Laying down the law without talking to your child or considering their feelings' is not tough love.

I took the mickey because of you saying you would walk instead of using a car if that's what your child wanted. I think that's taking the mickey!

That isn't what I'd call tough love at all Sirzy

I'm diabetic, have been all my life. What do you think the chances of me wanting a needle in me several times a day were? I had it explained time and time again that I needed it but, sometimes, I just didn't want it. My Mum didn't say 'OK, well in her own time' because that could have killed me!

Well in this case then I think your definition is wrong.

Tough love is doing something for someone because you know it is in their best interest even if they don't think so at the time. Talking to someone about it would happen before getting to needing tough love.

I wouldn't have a problem with a dummy sucking 4 year old personally.

And NK I'm not saying you should do it for your child, so why take the piss?

So this seatbelt refusing child - you have an appointment at a hospital 40 minutes drive away in an hour what do you do? Your reasoning hasn't worked they are still refusing to get into the car. What options do you have that aren't going to be tough love?

From a Google

"Mobile-friendly - Tough love is an expression used when someone treats another person harshly or sternly with the intent to help them in the long run."

I wouldn't say talking to them before and bribing them after is harsh or stern, would you?

Tough love: noun: promotion of a person's welfare, especially that of an addict, child, or criminal, by enforcing certain constraints on them, or requiring them to take responsibility for their actions.

So are you saying you would not give medical treatment to your child if he didn't want it?

Sirzy I'd use public transport. I don't have s car anyway, I don't like reliance on them, so that wouldn't be that much of an issue for me.

I'm certainly not going to force a distressed child into a car!

you might when the teeth are rotting and the kid isn't talking properly.

No but the tough love comes when those things have failed.

Moving away from young children but a parent knows that their 17 year old is taking drugs, they have tried to reason with them, they have tried to get them to accept help so they start refusing to give them any money until they are willing to seek help. Even though they have tried things before that doesn't stop the end stage being tough love

Giles I thought that was in reference to the car for a moment.....

What if they don't want to get into that bus? If you don't get on that one you miss the appointment what do you do?

Nishky if it's not life/death, no I wouldn't.

If it was, I'd talk to him about it and try to make it a more fun experience. That is not tough love.

you do know that of you fail to attend three medical appointments the drs wipe you off.

you can't not show up as he didn't want to get the bus that day. and failure to come with medication could disqualify your chikd from trials or transplants or further treatment should he ever need it

Tali- in the nicest possible way, many of us have been there, with a newborn pfb, having it all planned out. I knew about school and what I'd do. I knew all about parenting, I had the bloody teenage years planned out. Well, that went well. I never needed to change anything, oh no

Ok. So what if he still refuses.

yo comply

it was, I'd talk to him about it and try to make it a more fun experience. That is not tough love.

"No it's not fun mummy, I don't want it, I won't have it"

Then what?