to think if my 4 year old wants me to take him to his classroom that shouldnt be a problem?

[firefly78]

he's 4 for goodness sake. he loves school and if he wants me to take him to his classroom door rather than go all the way in on his own i dont see why that's an issue. Teacher shouted over to him today saying "come on ds otherwise mummy will have to leave you at the gate". Its irrationally upset me. silly I know but i think they are still so little. Hes coped brilliantly with school, loves reading etc and we have just had a great report. he has an older sibling at school who runs in happily. Oh amd im most definitely not the only parent who does this. He ran in happily before half term cos they got a sticker but dont know so he doesn't see the point! i just think they are still little and i dont know why school tries to make them grow up so fast!!!

"Tough love" is bullshit.

I put DS in his own room when he was ready there were no tears no crying just peaceful sleeping. He was 7 weeks, well below the norm. So no I don't mollycoddle, I tailor it to my own child.

How old are your children, just out of interest Tali? I have heard mention of a newborn-but you have older children too I assume?

7 weeks - see that is cold hearted to me

Senpai re Teaching him that he is expected to go in alone, and that school is non-negotiable is only setting him up for success. There will be lots of things he doesn't want to do in life, teach him skills to cope with that while he's young.

I am all in favour of helping children to learn skills that will be of use, but I think most of the children learn best in an environment that is conducive to learning. Fear and sadness are not such an environment. I am afraid 'skills to cope' is not the same as learning to thrive. 4 is still very young.

Also not recommended so young surely? Although my children are teenagers so advice may have changed of course

No I just have DS.

That's fine you can think it's cold hearted, there's no right or wrong in parenting. That's exactly my point, everyone's different

Italian I agree

"Tough love" is often the only option in life.

I would say anyone not having to use tough love sometimes has - to that point - had things pretty easy. When Ds was 7 weeks I probably had the same idea. Things went downhill from there when I realised sometimes I need to use tough love to keep him safe and help him develop. For us the tough love is medication is non negiotiable as is physio etc. He may hate it but as an adult I am able to see that he needs it.

In the same way he may not like going into school every day but as an adult I know that's non negotiable and so he has to go in.

Parents hovering around the classroom or making a big thing about leaving is going to add to any fear a child has. The best way to reduce a child's fear in a situation like that is for a parent to hide their own fears and be as positive as possible to make the child see it's not something to be scared of.

I don't think any child needs tough love sirzy.

I put DS in his own room when he was ready there were no tears no crying just peaceful sleeping. He was 7 weeks, well below the norm. So no I don't mollycoddle, I tailor it to my own child.

If it was 7 weeks, it's due to luck, not your parenting. A baby that young does what it will regardless of what you do. But that's cute that you think you deserve credit for a newborn's sleep patterns.

My child needed to sleep through the night. It was high time she stopped getting up at 2am. Everyone is happier for it.

If I let my child dictate what she "needed" we'd be having iceream every night, no teeth brushing, and no doctor's visits. Good thing I'm the parent and understand that what children want and need are two separate things.

Well, my son is 3.5 and has only just stopped breastfeeding, sleeps with us half the night and is rarely far away from me. Guess we had better start building a basement.

Parents hovering around the classroom or making a big thing about leaving is going to add to any fear a child has.

Yep, catering to their anxiety only reinforces that there is indeed something to worry about. The same works with adult anxiety. Catering to it only trains your brain that you were correct in fearing it.

Senpai I don't think it's my parenting. I think it shows every child is different. And each has different needs.

4 is still little. I don't think ybu. I'd take mine in if that's what they were comfortable with. If space or safeguarding is a problem have a word with the teacher and see if anyone could man the hall door and take the wobbly ones in.

Yes everyone is different but at school there is a certain level of conformity required -if you don't like that you home-ed.

Witsender want to share mine?!

Tali did you even read Sirzy's post about tough love being medicine and physio that are necessary.

You are seriously saying that if your child required that sort of care but didn't like it, you wouldn't insist? Really?

The local school had an argument with a mother who insisted on taking her 4, nearly 5 year old into the classroom every morning and tried to form a protest group to storm the playground. It was the forerunner of many, many confrontations about anything related to him because she wasn't going to allow anyone, Teachers, Doctors, Psychologists, Consultants, to tell her what to do. She now has her son at home with her; he won't leave his bedroom and hasn't for many years; he is now 31.

I hated the Montessori nursery my DD went to for a while. From 2, you had to say goodbye at the door and they had to shake the teacher's hand before they were allowed in. Wish Id never sent her there. Other parents thought it was great.

don't think any child needs tough love sirzy.

Fab, I will stop making Ds have his medication when he aays he doesn't want them then.

If he doesn't want to do his physio never mind hey!

Like I said it's easy to hold such a view with a little baby and not having been in the situation whereby you need to make that call in their best interest.

Senpai I don't think it's my parenting. I think it shows every child is different. And each has different needs.

I'm pointing out that you can't claim you don't mollycoddle based off what a newborn does. Babies do what they will.

It's when they're older and teachable that it matters what you do.

I misinterpreted, i thought she said the medication was tough love not we use tough love to make him take his medication

It's not what I'd use but I understand why

When we were living in Eastern Europe, where children started school in the year they were seven having spent the previous three years at kindergarten, we looked around primary schools for DD and we were told in no uncertain terms that parents were not welcome in school.

Not to hear reading, not to help on trips, not at all. You parked them at the door every day and went home. Anything else would have been considered plain weird.

It's not all idyllic in countries with a later school starting age.

Senpai you missed my point my point is if I mollycoddled I wouldn't put DS in his own room he'd stay in mine

come on then Tali tell us how you would get a child who doesn't want to take medication - that keeps them alive - to do it without using a bit of tough love?

Fwiw he is now 6 and happily takes all sorts of medications many that adults would want to spit out but when he was little tough love was the only option.