to think if my 4 year old wants me to take him to his classroom that shouldnt be a problem?

[firefly78]

he's 4 for goodness sake. he loves school and if he wants me to take him to his classroom door rather than go all the way in on his own i dont see why that's an issue. Teacher shouted over to him today saying "come on ds otherwise mummy will have to leave you at the gate". Its irrationally upset me. silly I know but i think they are still so little. Hes coped brilliantly with school, loves reading etc and we have just had a great report. he has an older sibling at school who runs in happily. Oh amd im most definitely not the only parent who does this. He ran in happily before half term cos they got a sticker but dont know so he doesn't see the point! i just think they are still little and i dont know why school tries to make them grow up so fast!!!

Getting upset at the start of something new doesn't mean they aren't ready, simply means they are still adjusting. The best way to help a child adjust is to get the normal routine as soon as possible.

If myself and the teacher felt that my staying into class time would be beneficial, then yes, I would be allowed. But this is the school which encouraged younger starters to go part time/flexi time for reception if they wanted to or were tired.

Sirzy that depends on your viewpoint

Extra people in the classroom will be upsetting to some children. It all adds to the noise and general business of the classroom.

I feel kids are confident in their independence when they choose to do it themselves rather than pushing.

You're a savvy adult, and small children are easy to manipulate. I'm sure you can find a want to make him want it and think it was his idea all along. Talk up about how awesome being a big kid is and how big kids go to school alone. When he suggests he go in alone, tell him what a wonderful idea it is, if you really insist on mollycoddling your child.

Going on my own experiences the more I was pushed the more I dug my heels in. When I was left to grow at my own rate it was much better

Yeah... Sometimes that works. Sometimes you get 40 year old still living in the basement mooching off mom and dad. Kind of a crap shoot on that one.

Independence is expected, and it needs to be made clear to them.

There's lots of things kids don't like doing that you make them do anyway for their own good: Wearing seat belts, eating healthy, wearing a bike helmet, holding your hand when crossing the road, getting immunizations.

How is this any different? Kids are too short sighted to understand that temporary unhappiness will eventually have long term benefits.

Teaching him that he is expected to go in alone, and that school is non-negotiable is only setting him up for success. There will be lots of things he doesn't want to do in life, teach him skills to cope with that while he's young.

I agree honk and that's what I wouldn't want for my children. My son would have been looking at the children with their Mum's, watching their 'goodbyes' etc. and I don't think he would have benefited.

You don't sound crunchy at all, Tali, you sound like the parent of a newborn fathoming the horror of sending him off to school 4 years from now. I sound like that when talking university admissions, it's simply a bridge I haven't crossed yet.

Senpai there's a massive difference between letting kids do things when they're ready and mollycoddling them. A huge difference!

I don't believe in manipulating children, I respect DS too much for that. You're selling children short IMO

I hope you tell women who do co sleeping and extended bf their kids will live in the basement too.

Extra people in the classroom will be upsetting to some children. It all adds to the noise and general business of the classroom.

Ds has sensory processing disorder and the amount of people in the cloakroom made his early days at school really hard for him, even now in year 1 he has learnt that in order to get into school "safely" he has to be stood by the door so he can get in first to avoid the crowds of people.

He couldn't tolerate the events in reception where parents were invited into class, it was just too much for him. Any visitors to class means he struggles (should make his ed psych assessment interesting!)

But that's all fine as long as little johnny has his mummy all day because she is too worried to let him have fun with his friends!

reni I don't think it's a horror, I'll admit something most parents won't and say the break at times would be nice.

But if he isn't ready I won't push him.

Banning all the parents had a massively positive effect for all the children and meant the ones that did occasionally need support from their parents could have it in peace. That's why they continued it as a school rule.

Sirzy you are also misinterpreting me. I am not "worried" I just dislike the hard and fast rules

I hope you tell women who do co sleeping and extended bf their kids will live in the basement too.

Co-sleeping and breastfeeding are treating babies like babies.

Letting children dictate they still need mommy at school, is treating 4 year olds like toddlers. Treating children under their age level is mollycoddling.

I hope you understand how ridiculous you are comparing two completely separate things.

senpai extended bf, like over 2.

I treat my DS in accordance to his needs. If he hasn't reached some arbitrary limit by 4 that's not mollycoddling, that's responsive parenting.

I don't believe in the hard faced cold hearted style some do

It is mollycoddling if you are not helping your son to develop the skills he needs to be independent. Sometimes you have to put on a brave face and trust that all will be fine and if is in his best interest, if you don't that is mollycoddling.

Actually I find the calling of parents who don't agree with you 'hard faced and cold hearted' offensive.

You don't have to send him at all at 4 if he isn't ready you know and the school and other parents will be grateful if you don't

it's that he clearly isn't ready in my view

But how will you know if he's ready if you won't give him the chance to settle, because you'll never leave if he's upset. Crying because he doesn't want mummy to leave is NOT the same as not being ready.

We're allowed into the classroom at DDs school. There doesn't seem to be a specific time limit on it, but I don't think anyone stays more than 10 minutes (I expect they'd kick you out after a bit).

I think it's lovely. Dd gets to show me her pictures on the wall, I get to have a quick chat with the teacher, somehow no one seems to get in each others way (that I have seen). It seems to be part of a very specific policy in the school to create close relationships between home and school.

Also just because a 4 year old can go into school alone, doesn't mean they necessarily should. There's lots of thing I could do alone, but they're a lot nicer if someone does them with me.

nishky couldn't agree more. I am anything but hard faced and cold hearted but I am willing to accept that fact that sometimes I need to make decisions for Ds that are in his best interest long term to support his growth and development.

(Posted too soon) even if he doesn't like it too much at that point.

Tali

Once again, anything done past a child's development level is doing it for your sake, not the child's. Parenting is putting your child first, not you.

firefly78 my ds is 5 and in year 1, some of the class are already 6, parents bring them to the class and go in with them.

I think your school sounds like it is expecting too much of the kids and the comment "come on ds otherwise mummy will have to leave you at the gate" sounds unnecessarily harsh for a 4 year old, IMHO.

I have read some comments, not all, by any means. Just wanted to say my bit. In some countries kids don't even start school until 6, and guess what, they do better than the UK - the rush to grow up can have negative consequences I think! Better to take things slowly. They are only young for a while and yes 4 is so young.

I am anything but hard faced and cold hearted but I am willing to accept that fact that sometimes I need to make decisions for Ds that are in his best interest long term to support his growth and development.

Agreed.

We had to show DD tough love so she'd sleep in her crib and sleep through the night. Her first three nights were tough. Now she's a beautiful sleeper and is in a much more pleasant mood during the day because she's getting more restful constant sleep.

Giving kids a little nudge and added expectations, as long as it comes from a place of love only benefits them.

Yes Sirzy one of the best things I was told is that the two most important things you can give a child are roots and wings

Couldn't agree more Senpai

Kids develop skills by learning and play not by you buggering off when they're crying.

Kids will do things in their own time. I feel sorry for your kids if you think b x age they should be doing y instead of paying attention to them as individuals