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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect an 11 year old to be able to eat off the adults menu

429 replies

Icklepickle101 · 17/11/2015 16:46

Me & DP have been invited out to dinner by the in laws, text from MIL said 'you choose where we go, we aren't fussy'.

I text MIL I've booked a table at a local pub type and a copy of the menu. I then get a reply asking if we could go somewhere see as there is no children's menu for SIL age 11.

I could understand if the menu was fairly out there but there are things like a chicken Kiev or pie and mash but apparently these aren't suitable as she won't eat it all anyway.

I suggested she could eat something from the starters menu with a side but apparently this wouldn't be a balanced meal?

AIBU to expect and 11 year old (secondary school age!!!) to be able to choose something from the adults menu and not to want to change where we are going to accommodate her?

OP posts:
LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 18/11/2015 21:29

Oh come on. That's just attempting to retrospectively justify not rtft!

And you don't think, given, the MIL would have set OP right after her text?Hmm

Marynary · 18/11/2015 21:33

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer I had rtft. I just didn't take the OP's comment that she the niece likes what is on the menu as fact as it doesn't make sense. The SIL and MIL obviously don't agree with her or there wouldn't be an issue would there Hmm

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 18/11/2015 21:35

Er. Well the fact that there is an issue despite the menu is kind of the whole point of the thread.

HamaTime · 18/11/2015 21:36

There would be an issue if the SIL, the MIL or both are being pita.

Granted the OP may not know every dietary foible of SILs but if she was fussy to the extent of not being able to eat anything from a normal pub menu including starters and sides then I think that it would have come up at some point in the last 11 years.

Marynary · 18/11/2015 21:39

Er. Well the fact that there is an issue despite the menu is kind of the whole point of the thread.

I think the point of the thread is that OP thinks that the niece should like the food on the menu. I doubt that she really knows one way or the other or cares.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 18/11/2015 21:40

And her brother hasn't just said she likes stuff. He's said things (plural) are among her regular dinners at home. Which is a pretty clear factual statement that it would be mighty odd to lie about or make up.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 18/11/2015 21:53

No, but you could show you're considerate by asking what she would like and seeing if the the if pub could make it if you're that keen to go there. From my experience starting off on a bad foot like that with your inlaws and taking an instant dislike without being open minded to a pre-teen feeling a bit jealous will only lead to bad things. I think you should refer to her as your DP's little sister as someone said. She is not an adult, it doesn't sound right or friendly. Obviously you've had a hard year and it should be your treat, but try and make it her treat too, compromise. Children are selfish and they soon grow out of it. Maybe she just wants to feel a bit special too. There's no harm in it. I think you're all reading too much into this kids menu thing. That doesn't sound like the issue here, it's the family dynamic that is the real issue. It's a shame not more people are seeing this and referring to her as simply a brat isn't nice.

Baconyum · 18/11/2015 21:58

Marynary I think you need to rtft more carefully then.

The 11 year old is op's dp's sister not anyone's niece.

As pp have said the dp has said there are several options on the menu she is normally happy to eat. The OP has checked with the restaurant about smaller portions (which are available) and suggested going somewhere the sil likes only to have THAT idea rejected too! In addition fil has said the sil kicked up a fuss!

Add to that her dictating her own mothers wedding colours at the age of EIGHT its clear there is port overindulgent parenting at least on the part of the Mil!

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/11/2015 21:58

Oh fir heavens sake..if she eats kids menus she eats chips.

what's with all the ridiculousness. portion of chips and a sundae if she's going to play the difficult game
seriously, no need for any alterations

Baconyum · 18/11/2015 22:00

*poor not port.

Also 11 years a child yes but as I said in my pp and I think others have said too I wasn't allowed to behave like this and neither would my dd have been!

Marynary · 18/11/2015 22:03

And her brother hasn't just said she likes stuff. He's said things (plural) are among her regular dinners at home. Which is a pretty clear factual statement that it would be mighty odd to lie about or make up.

I'm not suggesting that he is making things up. I just doubt that he knows as much as he thinks he does regarding what she does and doesn't eat at home. He perhaps would if he and OP regularly cook for her but it doesn't sound as if that would be the case.

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 18/11/2015 22:04

Why should I not call her my SIL when that is what she is?

She used to be DP's little sister and the we got married, so now she is my sister in law surely Hmm

DP only moved out this year so knows fair well what she eats at home so I'm sure his assurances that there are things on the menu she will and has eaten at home is accurate.

Have left it all to DP to organise and it is looking like we will end up at the pub after all, he has words with SIL and explained that this meal isn't for her it's for us so to be co operate or stay at home and cause more friction between us.

OP posts:
LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 18/11/2015 22:05

How about that FIL reporting on the behaviour?

You seem determined to explain this as that the kid genuinely doesn't like anything, despite all the posts to the contrary.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 18/11/2015 22:07

Cross post OP.

Glad to hear that your DP has stepped up and spoken directly to his sister.

Baconyum · 18/11/2015 22:08

Well I'm glad SOMEONE is taking this child to task at last. It was really unfair to put you in that position op and unfair still for the child's brother instead of her parent to parent her! Ridiculous!

Marynary · 18/11/2015 22:09

The 11 year old is op's dp's sister not anyone's niece.

Yes, I have just noticed that. I thought that both OP and the SIL were inflexible and childish but at least the SIL has an excuse.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 18/11/2015 22:33

Because she's a child that's why. It sounds like you're referring to an adult. I suspect from the way you're talking about it that you're unlikely to get on in the future too as you say you don't like her and she'll know, you need to make a real effort to get on however you do it or it will be your child that suffers from strained relations.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 18/11/2015 22:37

I say it as been there done that and it never gets any better as it's spoiled from the outset. The child who then grows in to an adult will simply continue to treat you badly as you didn't handle the situation well. My situation was different as said child was actually 18, but it's the same kind of thing. You need to rise above it by not behaving badly yourself.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/11/2015 02:54

You're hilarious, Marynary. You completely misread the relationship situation, made up a bunch of stuff to suit your own scenario and even now you can't back down and graciously admit that, actually, you have no idea what you're on about wrt to the OP's DP and his understanding of his little sister.

kungpopanda · 19/11/2015 03:58

Why bother with this meal in the first place? Dpesn't sound that much of a treat, and unless you get the fun of witnessing bratty SiL choking (doesn't have to be fatal, choking) on a dry bit of the children's menu, really, is it worth getting out of bed for?

No.
So, TVM and all that, but cancel. Do something you want to do.

timeforabrewnow · 19/11/2015 06:01

371 messages about one pub meal and one 11 year old. I have not read the whole thread, but am amazed that people are interested enough to comment on this ad infinitum - really??

Surely it cannot be that interesting??

Tell me if I've missed something important by not reading the previous 15 pages

Sansoora · 19/11/2015 06:53

Timeforabrew if you want to know if something is interesting then read it for yourself to find out. Or would that put you on the same level as others who are reading and not commenting, or reading and commenting.

And why bother commenting at all to be honest?

TendonQueen · 19/11/2015 08:13

Time are you one of those people who leaves comments on a story about someone famous, say Lady Gaga, saying 'Who IS Lady Gaga? Never heard of her'. Smile

OhBigHairyBollocks · 19/11/2015 08:23

Well I'm glad your DP has stepped up. I think you have a PIL problem though.. Not a SIL problem!
Are you the OP that posted a while back about MIL and SIL visiting when the baby is born? How did that get solved?

Good luck OP. And sympathies on the SPD. It's just shit.

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 19/11/2015 08:55

I am the one who was worried about newborn visiting!!

Due to a breech baby and the spd it's looking likely I'll be havjng a c section so we are going to have both are parents visit in hospital and both sets of sisters visit at home, then I can use the 'baby needs a feed' excuse if it gets too much and is fair on everyone.

OP posts: