To expect an 11 year old to be able to eat off the adults menu

[Icklepickle101]

Me & DP have been invited out to dinner by the in laws, text from MIL said 'you choose where we go, we aren't fussy'.

I text MIL I've booked a table at a local pub type and a copy of the menu. I then get a reply asking if we could go somewhere see as there is no children's menu for SIL age 11.

I could understand if the menu was fairly out there but there are things like a chicken Kiev or pie and mash but apparently these aren't suitable as she won't eat it all anyway.

I suggested she could eat something from the starters menu with a side but apparently this wouldn't be a balanced meal?

AIBU to expect and 11 year old (secondary school age!!!) to be able to choose something from the adults menu and not to want to change where we are going to accommodate her?

she's clearly a pain in the arse but it's not up to you to fix her

she isn't your daughter, or your sister.

leave it to the ILs, or your dh

breathe.

There are serious power games going on here. The MIL plays her hand, then retreats and plays the amenable innocent.

I'd reply: 'Pub then.'

Any further objections along the lines of 'SIL won't eat anything there', meet them with vague 'Oh dear's. See if MIL has the guts to challenge you on it.

Tell your dh to sort it. It's his family. He needs to ring mil and you need to take a step back.

"There are serious power games going on here. The MIL plays her hand, then retreats and plays the amenable innocent."

Oh bollockes there are. The Mil is trying to balance an entitled stroppy 11 year old dd and an entitled stroppy adult dil.

She can't win. But then she couldn't anyway, what with her being a mil........

Well of course it's possible that OP has got involved because her OH has asked herto!

Yes, now might be the time to hand it back to him, but so far, although OP has moaned on here, she has done exactly as asked by MIL.

Chosen somewhere, as asked.

Then suggested a place that she knows SIL likes, & has a kid's menu. as requested!

I 100% agree with Mominatrix.

Bertrand, even if you think the OP was stroppy it's important to differentiate what was said to the family vs posted here. OP is allowed to be frustrated IMO; however, from the family perspective she's been told to choose anywhere for a treat, we're not fussy, oh no that won't work because REASONS, she's then gone back without making a fuss and suggested the kid's favourite and been met with a weird PA 'no, we should do something yooouuu want'. Putting aside the fact that she's used this post to get a couple of things you don't like off her chest - what's her next step with the family IYO?

Xpost diddl

OP can't do anything of course, Pizza Express it is.

If I was MIL and had to change completely reasonable plans to suit my 11 yo I would make sure to bring a bib, sippy cup and crayons to go with the toddler menu for my 11yo dd to prevent a repeat.

Totalrecall - in my opinion there is little or no difference whatsoever between calling someone a bitch and saying they are being a bitch - both are saying that is what the person IS. Had you said that the OP's behaviour was bitchy, that would have been different - that would be condemning the behaviour, not the person.

It's like telling a child that their behaviour is naughty, not that they ARE naughty.

Bit of peace and love, eh?

This thread has really made me appreciate my SIL. I was about 10 when she married DB and she was always so kind. She wasn't threatened by the close bond I had with DB and went out of her way to include me in events and to get to know me. There's so much PA and blatant aggressiveness on this thread that I'm only now realising that I really must have lucked out.

Or maybe you were just a really lovely 10 year old APlaceOnTheCouch.

Hate to point this out, but in most places kids meals are only available up until 10 years old

Agree, hellinabreadbasket, probably because most 8+ kids would just as soon wear a bib and a dummy as eating from the kids' menu . They are full of beige toddler food usually and sport babyish pictures.

I was reni2 I was and the restaurant example would never have arisen because we only went to restaurants on very very special occasions and since it was such a treat we made sure it was somewhere that everyone liked

But I was also lucky that SIL realised I would be sad that DB (who I absolutely idolised) wouldn't be living with us anymore and she went above and beyond to befriend me.

@totalrecall1

I didn't say she was a bitch. I said she was being a bitch. That is very different.

Well, no. Not really We know that the whole question of AIBU asks folks to take a stance but it is not fight club.

A reminder that the raison d'être of Mumsnet is to make lives easier. Our talk guidelines are here for anyone who may need them.

(HQ disclaimers apply) Personally, I would opt for Pizza if I were you, OP.
Peace and love

If my son would look like this if I gave him the kids menu...he's 11

My 11 year old would find something for sure, he doesn't really eat from the kids' menu as the portions aren't big enough as he will eat 'adult' food despite being a bit fussy! He's not keen on spicy food so going for a curry with family is hard, although we have had to a couple of times and we have asked for mild biriyani.
My 13 year old hasn't eaten off a children's menu for a couple of years and she eats more than me at mealtimes now.
Often restaurants will do a child's portion. I was out with DS the other day and he wanted spag with tomato sauce and asked for the adult portion, although they did offer a smaller portion that was not on the menu. He didn't quite finish it, but he made a good job of it.
x

YANBU - She's a child and she should not be the one dictating where you eat!

All kids are different. So what if she wants to eat from a children's menu. I have a nearly 13 year old who has sensory issues and hence a limited diet, she still eats from the children's menu.

There's a lot of boasting on MN about children who eat everything and judgement passed about fussy eaters.

This isn't about fussy eating at all. SIL has eaten dishes from that menu and has eaten from a grown up menu. SIL wants to spoil OP's treat and make it about herself. Which is slightly understandable since she is only 11, but pandering to it is another matter.

Chill out and go somewhere you will all feel at ease. I don't like children's menus but barring witnessing actual abuse, I don't interfere with how other people think it's appropriate to raise their kids.

There is a difference between being a fussy eater and being a fussy eater when the mood strikes you but not being a fussy eater the rest of the time and expecting people to pander to the alleged fussy eating for their celebrations.

One of my dcs hates spicy food but if we had to go to an Indian for someone else's thing he would manage with chips or a plain naan or something. Most fussy eaters manage to get by without placing demands on others.

Most children's menus stop at 10/11. I would just ask mil to choose though or else someone will be uncomfortable for the choice.